Born This Way

by Belle Bledsoe 2 years ago in lgbtq

Proudly Bisexual

Born This Way

I was raised straight. I was raised to believe that any orientation other than straight was a sin. I’m not straight, though. Does this mean God (if God is even real) loves me less? Does it mean I’m doomed to be rejected by my family? What does this mean? I hope it doesn’t mean I’m going to be alone forever. I mean, I can’t find a nice girl to settle down with, because then my family will hate me. I could find a nice boy, but what if I don’t love him? I never thought it would take the courage that I don’t have to tell them. I can’t and I probably never will. Does this mean I’m not being true to myself? If I still spoke to my father, he would probably stop talking to me (which wouldn’t have killed me). Mom, though, her heart will be broken. She’ll probably cry and ask if it’s her fault. I don’t want to keep this locked inside forever. But I don’t want to tell them. I’m supposed to be the model child of the family. I’m treated like I’m perfect, but still treated like I’m the most flawed person. I’m supposed to be the example, supposed to make sure all the kids are lined up like ducklings behind me; all heading toward promising careers and then to marriages that are only torn apart by death. Of course, those marriages will be the most hetero of couplings. I don’t get it. I thought that by now, people would accept the fact that their children might not be attracted to the opposite sex. And what if one of the boys decides that they want to be a woman? What happens if my sister decides that she wants to be with more than one person at a time? What then? Will our parents kick them out? What if the little one comes out as gay? He’s a sweet boy, and really sensitive. I know that if my parents started hating him, I would let him come stay with me. Because it doesn’t matter to me who you love. Love is love. For a while I thought maybe I was hetero, but I’m not. I first realized that I liked girls when I was nine or ten, when I would watch those old Justice League cartoons. I was literally in love with Wonder Woman (can you blame me?). But I knew I still liked boys too. But since I wasn’t allowed to be that way, I thought that I just needed to get over it. I just thought I was because that’s the way I was raised. I am bisexual, and I’m not ashamed of it, because that’s the way I was born.

I believe that bisexuality is something that people don’t really understand, even in the LGBT community. People want to put you in a box. They say you’re either gay or straight. You can’t be both. That part is true, at least. You can’t be both gay and straight at the same time. It’s perfectly possible to be attracted to both men and women. They’re both pretty great. I’m not going to lie: sometimes it’s really complicated. Men are completely different than women, and women are so similar in personality to me that it’s weird to date them. But there’s something about being with a woman that’s so perfect because we both know exactly how to deal with each other. I’m aware that it’s different for everyone, but this is just in my experience. Men are great too. There’s a difference that’s refreshing. Sometimes, a girl gets tired of boobs.

I’m married to a great man, who I love more than life itself, but that hasn’t changed my sexuality. It’s not something that you can change. It’s not something you should want to change, but there’s so much negativity out there, so I understand why people would want to change who they are. People are still being arrested, even murdered for being gay or trans. It hurts me to see people who can’t be free about who they are. Honestly, my inability to tell my family about my bisexuality is not a lack of freedom; it’s just that I’m scared to come out because I don’t like how my mother talks about people like me. But I’m still free to come out. There are people who aren’t free to be who they are, because of where they live or even who has influence on their lives. I’m grateful that I’m able to share who I am with most of the people in my life. It’s one of those things that I feel like I shouldn’t have to find the courage to talk about, because it shouldn’t be a bad thing. It’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. Homosexuality has even been documented in nature. In 2012, there were 450 different species found to display homosexual behavior. Why is that ok, yet people showing love to whoever they happen to love wrong? Yes, people are different than animals, but we’re still all a part of this world, all a part of nature.

I wish people would get over themselves. Just because you don’t want to be one way, doesn’t mean everyone has to be like you. Everyone has the right to be themselves. I think that Congress voting to legalize gay marriage was one of the best things to happen in America. I realize that it’s not a perfect system, or that it’s not going to fix everyone or everything, but in the words of Macklemore in his 2012 song "Same Love," “it’s a damn good place to start.”

lgbtq
Belle Bledsoe
Belle Bledsoe
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Belle Bledsoe

Feminist | Survivor | Third Culture Kid | Foodie

See all posts by Belle Bledsoe