Blindsided & Broken Hearted

Never in a millions years would I have thought that I would be getting divorced. We’ve been together for 15 years total, but we’ve only been married 7 years. August 17th, made 7 years. This year has been nothing but a revelation. Anything and everything that could happen did. In January my husband and I got into a heated argument over the taxes. We were to receive a return and the IRS confiscated it due to debit I owed. In 2017, I elected to remove a large sum of money from an account that was not collecting any interest. Before I could have it deposited into my bank account, I would have to pay taxes on it. From my understanding, that process was handled and the money was deposited. 2019 rolls around and here I am being slapped with a 10,000 dollar tax debt because the federal tax amount that was deducted was a improper amount. Apparently the amount taken was 10,000 dollars short of their prior calculation. My husband, who works Overseas as a contractor, emails me in a rage. The conversation was all about how hard he works for his money and because I neglected to pay my taxes, they took his money. Nevermind that we filed together and I work as well. We are arguing back and forth and I tell him that I’m going to get the money (our tax refund) back. At this point, I need to get on the ball and figure out something.

I gather resources and come up with the money. I deposited all the refund amount that was taken into his bank account. No we don’t share bank accounts. There’s a good reason for that too. I gave him all of it because it was on me that this happened. I was fine with it. I also paid the remaining IRS debt on top of it. Problem solved. Nope, he wasn’t satisfied. He stopped contacting me for months. When I would reach out to him, he would ignore my emails. It’s February and the pandemic is hitting hard. I’m emailing him to check up on him and letting him know what’s happening at home and I get no response. I contacted him for his birthday which was in April. No response. So at this point, I let him be. July rolls around and I feel like he’s had enough time to cool off. I send a nice email. It said, “Hey handsome, How are you? Are yall back to normal? Let me say this real quick. I apologize for the tax mishap. Had the taxes been calculated properly before moving my money, that wouldn't have ever happened. Why did they wait 3 yrs to let me know, I’m not sure. It’s behind us now though. I love you and wanted to check on you. My graduation is tomorrow. It’s virtual because the Raleigh Campus is still closed. I’m excited about that. Making an attempt to break the silence here since you claimed that you don't like going months without talking. Those were your words. So I’m here to break that. I think its been long enough. I’m going to need money for my birthday too. Can you send it Paypal please. All jokes aside though, I miss my husband alot". The response I got was unbelievable. He responded, “Angie, Your disrespect astounds me. The fact that you completely ignored the divorce papers but still have the audacity to ask me for money as if I am your personal ATM, illustrates the lack of respect you have always had for me that is why you feel so comfortable not speaking to me for months until you need money. You decided to ignore my phone calls when I was sending you money to keep a roof over your head but that's ok. Sign the papers please although I technically don't need your signature. I will not be sending you money so get it from your Male friends or the guy you been dealing with. You also need to find a place you can possibly afford when you move also. Sign the papers, don't email me unless it's an emergency as I more than likely won't respond. FYI- What happened to all jokes aside on the money. Yea I thought so. Enjoy the Summer and congratulations on your Graduation".

I was livid at this point. Divorce papers, male friends, etc. What???? Let me break this down so you will understand his tantrum. Devon was home from October 2019 to December 2, 2019. When he comes home, he’s home a few months and then he’s off to another location. Prior to him coming home, I asked for a 2019 Jeep Grand Cherokee. We needed a new vehicle and I always wanted a truck. He Western Union’s me the down payment. In August I leased the truck I wanted. It was birthday/anniversary/Christmas gift. I was so excited. October rolls around and I am supposed to pick him up from the airport. Dulles to be exact. I’m on my way but there’s traffic. I’m not worried because I feel that I still can make it. I knew what time he would be there. I get a call and he’s already landed and he’s early. I tell him there’s traffic but he can either wait for me or take an Uber. I suggested he wait because he had no keys to get in and I really wanted to chauffeur him home in the nice truck. He agreed to wait. I’m making an effort to get there and he keeps calling me. Every time he calls, I end of making a wrong turn. So I’m frustrated. I tell him that calling me isnt helping nor is it going to make me get there any faster. I’ll be there. Relax. I get a text saying to take my butt home because he’s in an Uber. I finally pull up and I don’t see him. I was hoping to get to him before the Uber did. I head home and guess what? He and I pull up to the house at the exact same time. He could have waited for me. I hop out of the truck and start approaching where he’s standing. I speak and he throws daggers with his eyes. It was nothing but hate at that moment coming from him. We get inside and I see he’s mad so I give him some space like 2 days worth. I finally come to him to talk. I apologized and told him that I understand why he feels that way and it will never happen again. It was out of my control and I was really trying to get there.

I‘m thinking we will talk this out and everything will be fine. Devon takes this to a whole new level. He stated that, I didn’t even apologize immediately, that he shouldn’t have gotten me the truck in the first place, and I’m unappreciative. I responded by saying that I wanted my apology to be accepted and I knew it wouldn’t have been that moment it happened. I needed to give you space. Funny thing is he left me at work once. He had to go past my job to go home and he went straight home and forgot all about me. When he finally answered his phone, he said I’m on my way. I was upset but I didnt make a big deal about it. He makes a big deal about every little thing. So he proceeded to try and tear me down more by saying that’s why he doesn’t wear his ring now. I don’t appreciate him. I responded by saying, you not wearing your ring doesn’t hurt my feelings. You are still married either way. And just so you know, my rings are keeping yours company because I don’t wear mine either. He didn’t like that at all. He proceed to tell me that I can be replaced. I responded with, don’t try and make her me either. After going back and forth, I had to take a nap. He’s stressful.

Right before he’s about to deploy we get into it again. This time it’s a combination of a few things. One morning calls and wakes me up asking to use my credit card to pay his cell phone bill. He had already had my credit card info on his phone because I let him use it to order food. I tell him no don’t use it because I don’t want any added charges on my card. I’m trying to keep debt down. By this time, I’m getting alerts on my phone that my card has been used and it’s displaying a transaction he made. I’m pissed now because instead of him asking me if he could use my card, he should have been saying he used my card and here’s the money. I confront him about it and all of a sudden he states, “We aren’t going to argue about money". So when it comes to my money, we aren’t going to argue but when it comes to his money, he wanted to act a fool. I was like HELL NO. We arguing today. How dare you steal from me. Take my card information out of your phone right freaking now. Don’t you ever do that again. I wanted to act a fool on purpose. Had I did that to him, we would have been on the news. The next incident was him trying to make me jealous over him. He’s always trying to make me jealous of other women and I don’t let it phase me. He decided he was going to try by bragging about some new girl that got hired at his job. He kept calling her an Instagram model, but when I said pull the picture up so that I can see if she was worth the title, he wouldn’t. Because I wasn’t bothered by that nonsense, he decided to up the stakes. While I’m at work, he decided he was going to masturbate and leave his rag and lap top in my bed. When I came home, that’s what I saw. I texted him and asked him about it. We get into an argument. I make him sleep on the couch for a few weeks. My thing is, be respectful and do it in your bathroom or make sure to clean up after yourself. I politely let him know that I am definitely enough for any man. I am not insecure of another woman. I am very attractive and well put together. I do not need to compete. I continued to let him sleep on the couch too.

A few weeks later we are at it again. We are home and I ask him to find a better deal with Xfinity because the bill is too high. I hand him my iPad and I think nothing of it. Now, I’ve always had male friends. He knows this. I don’t get to talk with them often or get together often. They have families of their own. I was bored and I told Devon I wanted to get out of the house and do something. He proceeded to continue playing his PlayStation 3 as if he didn’t hear me. All he ever does is play Playstation, watch porn, and play Poker. This day I asked Ivan if he wanted to go to Hookah. Devon doesn’t smoke so it was no need to ask him. Ivan couldn’t make it. Devon has my iPad and instead of him doing what I asked, he’s in my messenger reading the conversation between Ivan and me. He’s now mad because I asked Ivan to go to Hookah. I’m looking puzzled because he had no intentions of going or doing anything with me but has the nerve to be mad. I made it clear that if you paid your wife more attention than the PlayStation, porn, and poker, I wouldn’t have to aske another man to go anywhere with me. After that fiasco, I’m ready for him to go back Overseas. I’m sick of his nonsense. The next day I ask if he had found a better deal with Xfinity, he responded, “Yeah, you are now on the basic plan. Your HBO is gone, SHOWTIME gone, FX gone, STARZ gone, and your NETFLIX is cancelled too. It took everything in me to remain calm. I said so how much is the bill now? He said 180.00. We were already paying 200+. My blood started to boil. He was being very petty over the Ivan incident. I reframed from feeding into him. I walked away and started counting down the days until he was out of the house. I couldn’t wait.

The day arrives and I can’t get him to the airport fast enough. I wanted him gone. After dropping him off and getting back home, I felt relieved. I’m thinking here’s the space we need. We had a lot of things going on while he was here and now is the time to sort things out. Just when I think we are free of drama here he comes. It’s January and he’s been gone only a month. He know that I will either write check for the bills, or he’ll PayPal me the money. What does he do? He decides to Western Union me the money. Now, I was fine with it at first because I felt that I could get it with no problem. What I didn’t know is that it’s not a lucky day everyday. Sometimes they have it and sometimes they don’t. My amount wasn’t a small amount. So the last thing I want to do is ride around from Western Union to Western Union trying to collect the money. I told him all he had to do from the beginning was to transfer the money directly to my Navy Fed account from his. It’s an instant transaction. He doesn’t want to because he wants to be petty. So I tell him that if I go to another Western Union and they don’t have it, the money will sit there. I don’t have time to be riding around when all he had to do was what I asked. I had to be to work at 3am, and I also had I.T. classes from 6pm to 10pm. He knew this. I’m frustrated as hell now. It’s day 2 and I still don’t have the money. I finally find a WU that has it but I have to drive to Charles County from Woodbridge, Va. I’m pissed off and it’s raining. I’m in the Cracker Barrel killing time because I’m early for the pickup. He’s calling me and yes I’m ignoring him. I do not want to talk at all. All of this could have been avoided if he wasn’t trying to be a butthole. I finally get the money and I’m driving home while arguing with him in the truck he got me, over the money he sent to keep a roof over my head as he stated. He’s impulsive and a narcissist. You would think that with all the demotions he’s gotten, he would realize his delivery and actions are a problem. He gets promoted and then demoted because he let’s being in charge go to his head. Each promotion he received went to his friend once he was demoted. He’s no longer friends with them as if it was there fault. Just because you pay a truck note and rent doesn’t make you King Dingaling. He’s doing the bare minimum at best. Everything he thinks he derseves from me, he doesn't give to me. I don’t do one sided relationships.

Now that I’ve caught you up on his rant and the things that he mentioned in it, you can be just as puzzled as me in wondering where this divorce conversation came from. Back to July. He stated that I didn’t mention divorce papers but asked for money. I never received any papers. Had I received papers, he would have heard my mouth. I never did. So we are going back and forth about it. I’m saying you are overreacting. I asked what did I do to deserve this? He stated that he was turning the cable off and turning it over to me. He wanted nothing in his name here. I continued to ask what was this all about because mind you I had no knowledge of him wanting to or filing for a divorce. This was a total shock to me. The more I asked for a reason why, the more he egged it on. He said that once the cable was out of his name, he would talk to me. I agreed and got the cable transferred to me. Didn’t really make a difference because I was paying the bill anyway. He called and I was ready for the bs. Are you ready for this? He said, “You broke my table and never replaced it. A 2012 incident. You didn’t pick me up from the airport in the truck I’m paying for, you didn’t answer the phone when I was calling you about the money I was sending you, you had a better dating life than I did, you have been using me and manipulating me this entire relationship, and that we’ve been together too long”. Are you serious??????? I couldn’t believed what I was hearing. None of that made any sense. I pleaded with him not to do this, but he let me know that he has an attorney and had paid for the process to begin. Talk about brokenhearted. I was numb. Days go by and I’m still pleading. He’s not budging. He tells me that he told his attorney that we’ve been separated since Dec 2, 2019, we didn’t file taxes together for 2019 and that there were no gifts exchanges. ALL LIES. We were never separated. He still has clothes, important paperwork, shoes, checks books, and other items here. The only thing about Virginia, you don’t have to prove a separation. That means you can lie about how long you’ve been separated. Taxes were filed together because we got into argument over it, and he did give me a gift of 250.00 for my birthday that I asked for. Had I known we were separating, I would have moved his stuff out. He also told me that if I didn’t go along with what he told his attorney, he would make it bad for me. He said he wouldn’t pay the rent nor the note on the truck and that I would need an attorney.

I agreed under duress because I cannot afford the rent, the truck note, nor an attorney to fight him. I told him ok and he had his attorney draw up a Separation Agreement. The agreement states that he is to pay me Spousal Support for the next 15 months starting September 1st, totaling the rent and the truck note combined. He filed a No Contest Divorce. He basically tried to divorce me without me knowing. The only reason he brought it to my attention was because the information he needed, I had it. At this current stage, I am all over the place with this. This a fight I cannot win. I’ve signed the Separation Agreement and gotten it notarized. We don’t have any children and no other assets to split. As much as I do not want to do this, I have no choice. I haven’t said anything to anyone about it but his parents. If he’s really serious about doing this, I have one more plan of action that just might put the nail in the coffin. I don’t think he thought this all the way through. He left this very important part out of the equation. I play dumb and easy to intimidate really well. The card I have could be damaging to his career. My motto is, “DON’T GET TAUGHT A LESSON TRYING TO TEACH ONE”. I save all emails from him. He has a habit of lying and being delusional with his F list acting skills. I’m coming with highlighted receipts. Stay tuned 💛