Beyond Refuge

Beyond Refuge by Mr. Darek Michael Lucero

Refuge versus Safety. Being safe (i.e., building a home on sand; safety being the act of building) versus refuge (building a home on a concrete and solid foundation; refuge existing as the entire lot) brings to my memory a glance at a memorable moment I shared with My 'Beautiful Refuge of THE Lady of My Life’s Existence'.

I awoke with frustration and more than mild irritation at the prior evening's interaction with some local people whose goal was for me to wallow in misery and pain. Before I could think my phone vibrated with an incoming message. Reaching to see the contents of the text my mood instantly brightened. I shined because you were the author of my first salutation of the day.

“Good morning, Love,” I read.

“Hey, Beautiful,” I responded.

“Now that you’re awake will you do something for me.”

“Depends.”

“On what.”

“How much effort I need to get ready.”

“Plenty.”

“Done. What do you require of me, My Love.”

“Mr. Smith, please call and schedule our usual appointment time. However, please bring your mobile office. I need some professional advice from THE expert in the area.”

“Already in process of gathering what will be necessary. The usual length or double.”

“Quadruple.”

“Perfect. See you then.”

“Mr. Smith.”

“Yes, Love.”

“Please remember coffee.”

“The day I forget...”

“...is the time I forget.”

Altering my usual consultant routine, I decided it was best to add a bit of flourish. You ‘needing expert advice’ could be S.O.S. or tension easement depending on the office location. Having perused your weekly schedule with you two weeks prior I knew this was both. I called ahead to your favorite deli and placed an order of nutritional antibiotic.

Perusing my phone for the speed dial digits of this particular office I noticed a missed call. Quickly checking my voicemail, I further understood the need for me to visit you today. You sounded beyond livid. From the tone of your voicemail, I hoped this week would be shorter than the frustration in your ‘through-gritted-teeth' complaint.

Once finished I called the receptionist and scheduled our ‘just-in-case-of-volatility' meeting.

I gathered my consultant bag and deposited the laptop I use for just such an occasion. I was out the door with a fifteen-minute time surplus. This in turn caused the deli to gulp surprise at my early arrival. Without return of the “Oh...Hi, Mr. Smith” greeting I walked back to the kitchen to check on your food. The always cheery chef had your food ready. When ordering from new places I would order specific menu items face-to-face with the head chef to make sure either the ‘sense of urgency’ or ‘leisurely message’ was understood.

With my ‘thanks again’ exit greeting I handed over payment with a curt nod. Cash was best for such an assignation.

Arriving on time for our sessions was never a question of organization but more of a cohesive statement and testament to our ‘honest-and-loyal-working-but-oh-so-personal' relationship.

With the timing only you and I could create you walked towards me as the door clicked my entrance. Your outstretched arms and tense smile were all I needed to know. I can still ‘feel’ the sensation of your cool and quilted shoulder against my cheek from that hug. The day’s chill was still present in the arctic moment of our embrace.

“I miss you,” you murmured into me...pulling me close.

“I love you too,” I returned your physical intensity.

“I have the results of the Borderbound inquiry you requested,” with enough volume to inform the office the nature of my arrival and your behavior.

“Already. Thanks, Mr. Smith, for returning my call in such a brief manner. Punctuality is beyond flattering to me. Its cosmically kind,” while escorting me to your office.

“You are most welcome, Mrs. Smith. I value your time as well,” as I sat down in my usual seat.

The nearly audible sharp intake of breath from your co-workers was all the sound I needed to validate just how intense your day had begun. The quick ‘averted away’ looks from the office belied the ‘peace’ in the building.

“Mrs. Smith, I consulted with the officers as well as the recently acquired personnel for this report. The technical versus the tangible deliverables are most interesting.”

“Thank you, Mr. Smith. I seriously have to send a “Thank You” to the team for their insight. What did Mike say about the retention for the new hires.”

“Mike was pessimistic about the exit packages if they were to terminate shortly after their probationary period. However, when I explained the necessity to include sensitivity training about transmen, transwomen, and nonbinary or genderfluid people he bristled at the idea of the additional expense.”

“He got angry,” raising your eyebrows in a smiling response.

“He was beyond livid. While responding to his terse tone I texted for Susan to join us in the meeting.”

“Susan his assistant or Suzsun his boss.”

“The latter.”

“I would surmise he was quite shocked when she walked into the room.”

“Shocked. He stopped breathing for a full second while the color drained from his face.”

You relaxed enough to blush and exhale an amused retort while leaning back in your chair.

“What did she say to him,” you chuckled with amusement.

“She looked in my direction while reaching for the report I proffered her. All the while she critically denigrated Mike with a resolve only you would understand.”

“She really lit into him. I am not sorry but mildly dismayed I missed this meeting.”

Taking a moment to respond to the phone you winked me an approval only I can read. While you attended to the phone, I set out your lunch. With a quick “thanks” you hung up the receiver. Leaning in to put your plate in front of you I could hear you inhale. I realized I had moved too quickly. In your surprise you angled left. Before I could reel from being equally surprised your steady hand reached out to keep me upright. I gently thanked you with a soft kiss to your warm cheek.

Before I could turn to get my food, you hugged into me with a further angling lean...coupled with a sigh. This brief but silent grounding gesture of love we often publicly communicate when our time apart is too great. But this time you brushed my mouth with a soft ‘thank-you-but-love-you more’ kiss.

At this I brought my chair to your side of the desk and we completed the remainder of our arranged scene in a comfortable and ‘oh-so-satisfying' silence.