Being in a Relationship Makes Your Life Easier, it's Called Couple Privilege

Couple privilege exists in our society because we live in a culture that values romantic relationships as a default. I recently got out of a four-year-long relationship, during that time I saw the myriad of ways in which we privilege couples over single folks.

Now that I am single, I’m seeing it more starkly than ever. I’ve lost the couple privilege I was walking around with in the world.

Privilege is a way in which culture defaults or accommodates a certain group, person, or situation. In this cause, the situation is coupledom. For example, sometimes you can’t have a procedure done unless you have someone to pick you up. Or what about discounts for couples during dinner– the two for one special. Even having dinner alone might get you the side-eye.

All of these things add up to show couple privileges. Here are some ways in which I see culture idolizing, defaulting, or accommodating couples over singles in a toxic way.

#1: Romance as an end game

I dare you to have a conversation with a good mate that you haven’t caught up with in a while and not talk about– their love life. It is a go-to conversation. There are a few default questions that people ask each other; how is work, how is your family, how is your love life? With these three big questions, you can see what society values. Work, family, relationships.

But not just any relationship, romantic relationships. They are held to such high standards. Marriage used to be the pivotal moment that told society you “made it.” That you were no longer a kid, but an adult.

Today, we have many other markers of adulthood, graduation, moving out of our parent’s house, getting our first job. However, we still see marriage and the journey towards marriage as an essential step towards being a fully 'actualized' citizen.

We look at people in relationships under the lens of couple privilege, aka accomplished. Culture expects us to hold romantic relationships a necessity. As if romance is this sort of end goal that we are all reaching for. But there are so many other things to strive for in life, so many other goals and aspirations.

Viewing romantic relationships as some end goal is couple privilege at its worst because it suggests to those in non-romantic relationships that they aren’t living their best life.

#2: Third-Wheeling

Third-wheeling is often seen as a negative term, something to generally avoid. And who is the person in the negative position– why the third-wheeler of course. But I wonder, why not the couple? Don’t you feel like the couple is the one who is at fault here? If someone feels like they are generally being excluded and not feeling welcome, then why blame the excluded?

Feeling like a third-wheel is the result of the couple actively engaging with just each other. Perhaps they are showing PDA, being over-affectionate, or engaging in private dialogue. Whatever they are doing, they are leaving the third person out.

How is it fair for the third party person to feel left out and at the same time be the one at fault? If three platonic friends were all having a day together and two of them kept leaving one of their friends out– there would be negative feelings towards the two being exclusive, not the third.

The same rules and standards should apply to couples. Couples, don't leave your friends out if you are all together. Safe your fluff for personal time.

#3: Wedding invitations

I don’t get many of these, but weddings circulate my family. My sister gets plenty of invitations and my parents are always going to weddings in the spring. Wedding invitations will sometimes offer a plus one.

I remember when my friend was invited to a wedding and the plus one was for serious couples only. I've also heard of people only inviting other married couples (no plus one for unwed couples).

Doesn't this seem unfair? I know money is tight for weddings, but either don't have plus one's or let everyone have one. Excluding people based on relationship status is toxic.

Additionally, if I were given a plus one for a wedding invitation, could I take a good friend? Someone with whom I had a platonic relationship? I have a feeling it would be slightly frowned upon. And yet, I feel like bringing a plus one is all about having someone to enjoy the wedding with. Can't that be anyone?

#4: Getting the best bed

I spend a good bit of time going on weekend trips with friends. On these trips is interesting to see what plays out in terms of who gets beds, who gets the biggest bedroom, and who sleeps on the couch.

One time I went on a trip with a big group of friends. There were three bedrooms and a few bunk beds. Before the group’s couples had even arrived some of the single folks said, ‘Oh this bedroom can be for couple X and Y’. It made me curious because I felt like the solo friend was just as worthy of taking a bedroom as any couple. First come first serve? No.

It seems silly, but couples default to getting the better bedrooms. I wonder why this is. Two friends could share the bed just the same. There is inherent couple privilege in this communal choice.

#5: Default to relationship

When I was feeling like I really needed to focus on myself and was feeling extremely overwhelmed trying to balance my mental health, work, and my relationship, no one suggested me and my partner end our relationship.

It’s not something people even think about. They gave me lots of unsolicited advice about how we could make it work, even if we were apart. They pushed and pushed. No one even bluntly asked me, ‘Do you think it would be easier on you if you were single?’

Granted, I was in a special relationship. There was no need for us to break up other than my mental health. There were no red flags, I was so deeply in love. But I still felt I needed some time for myself. But society was pushing me towards the relationship, not a solo life.

This is couple privilege and couple default. Sometimes is better to let a relationship go. Sometimes it’s better to move on. There are times in your life you should be single and that’s ok.

But society doesn't think that, they push everything towards romance and it's dangerous and toxic. Not all relationships are good, it's not always in someone's best interest to be in a relationship, and staying in one just because of couple privilege is not a good idea.

Being in a relationship makes life easier. You have someone to split the finances with. You have someone to take pictures with. There is someone to split the domestic chores. Someone to do TikTok challenges with. This is couple privilege. And being in a relationship is amazing, there is nothing wrong with it.

But we need to stop thinking of it as the default and give singles just as many perks and acknowledgment! Don't take the best bed, don't exclude your friends by third-wheeling them, and don't always ask your single friends about their love life.