It starts by wondering; wondering what it would be like to actually be with a girl. Not as in a relationship or anything, but more in a sexual interest. Would it be different? Would it be better because she knows what she’s doing? Is scissoring really a thing?
You don’t have to be gay to appreciate a pretty woman walking down the street, but are you gay if you have sexual thoughts about them? The questions and confusion goes on. You keep these thoughts to yourself and don’t dare to mention your curiosity to your best friend, and if you do, you say it in a jokey way after a few glasses (or bottles) of wine. “So would you rather sleep with a girl OR cut off your own toe?” Hoping she’d reply with the first option because she doesn’t think it’s weird.
Life doesn’t change, friendships don’t change, you continue each day as it was, just with another thing you want to try and check off your bucket list. If you don’t try, you don’t know, right? So you take baby steps. Tinder. You change your setting to show ‘boys and girls’ and you swipe left, left, left, left, until... somebody catches your attention. Swipe right and MATCH. So does that mean she’s ‘my type’? Shall I message her first? What do I say? Will flirting with another girl be weird? So you do it anyway, because you have NOTHING to lose and only possibility to gain. She responds with a flirty joke. You smile and realise this isn’t scary. You’ve done this whole ‘getting to know’ somebody a hundred times before and just because this person is a different gender than the rest doesn’t mean it’s going to be any easier or harder.
You chat for a few hours, days, and then a phone call. You get along so well and you can’t seem to stop talking to each other. A date? She wants a face to face, in person, real life date? OK, breathe, you can do this. You of course agree because you so badly want to do this and you get butterflies every time she rings but your nerves and your anxiety start to increase and your legs turn to jelly and your doubts flood in. So you mention it to a friend to get some type of encouragement. She’s over the moon and more excited than you are. Which gets rid of the nerves and the butterflies come back.
It’s the day, the day you meet this amazing, funny woman you feel like you already have a connection with face to face. So many emotions are running through your body whilst you’re getting ready, trying to look as hot as possible, whilst on the phone to your best friend who’s getting you so excited! Then off you go.
You see each other and the biggest smile from ear to ear appears as you walk towards one another. You hug and embrace for a few seconds and all nerves disappear. You can’t stop smiling and you already know you like her. The night goes on with flirting, laughing, talking, and touching. The more and more time you spend with her, the more you want to get to know her. Eyes are wandering down to lips. You desperately want to kiss (yes, on the first date) but who initiates the first move? Fuck it! You do. You feel a tingling sensation from your toes all the way through your body. It felt so right and so natural. You don’t want to leave each other as the date comes to an end. You’re already planning the next date.
You have date after date, you stay in hotels, and do fun and spontaneous things together. You’ve gained a new best friend and love interest. You’re unstoppable. Nothing is worrying you and you don’t have a care in the world. You start posting them all over your social media and slowly but surely people start to realise, but nobody has a bad word to say as they can see how genuinely happy you now are.
You fall in love fast. Faster than ever before, but the love is stronger than ever before. The honeymoon period lasts longer and all those questions you had at the beginning are answered.
Don’t allow your happiness to be limited by your curiosity. Go with it and enjoy every new lesson; it may lead you to something incredible.