Because of you, I can exist, I swear

Except for the first few years of my life, you were always there in my memories. We've been going through every door together in front of us. Without you holding my hands, I could have never stepped into any of my life chapters. It's crazy to think about how young we were twenty years ago.

As you know, I was so shy growing up. I had a hard time making friends at school. Besides, I had to move schools many times because of my dad's work. You'd remember, too. However, You've always been my best friend no matter where we were. Knowing that I have someone like you on my side makes me brave.

School days became more and more enjoyable, and I made a lot of other friends. I think I might have tried to grow too fast. I put too many things over you, and I started keeping secrets from you. Typical teen spirit! I still remember those days that I made you wait and feel neglected. I'm sorry.

Why didn't I know back then? — that I wasn't the only one who had to have a sleepless night after I had said something stupid. How could you be so patient even when your best friend was acting like an idiot? My immaturity made me believe that something is out there, which is more valuable than your trust and unconditional love. I was wrong. I couldn't have been more wrong. Still, you embraced my imperfections with wider-open arms.

Like other best friends, we've shared so many memories, and you're so good at keeping them. Look at all these pictures of me that you've taken!

I surely don't remember when it was, but you kept my childhood memories alive. The last time I visited you, I saw the poem I wrote for you a long time ago on the wall.

'Sunshine'

you wake me up knocking my eyes every morning,

you warm me up with a warm brace

sometimes you're too close, too bright to look at you

you'll always be my guide

you'll be my light when it's dark

you're always ready to shine for tomorrow

you are my mother

Mom, I love you, mom. I finally reached the age you had me, but I can hardly imagine myself being a mother. When I was little, I thought you were so old, but you were still young and could have been anything you ever wanted to be. Now, I know what you gave up for my brother and me.

I'll need eternity to understand what you've been through to give me life, a good life. Despite everything you've ever done for me, I still need you every day, and I'm still scared of nightmares. And bad news for you, I will never stop needing you.

You're the best expert at me, mom. You've learned everything about me; food that I love, my favorite season, what makes me sick, my bad habits and fears. And you've taught me everything I needed to learn. For you taught me how to walk, now I can run 10k. Do you remember the days that you spent teaching me how to speak? Hear me speak our beautiful mother tongue and even some foreign languages.

If you still haven't changed your mind, your favorite Hollywood actor is Will Smith, right? His son is a singer as well. In one of my favorite songs of him, it goes like this, 'It's because of you, I can exist, I swear.' When I listened to these lyrics for the first time, even though I knew it was a love song, all I could think of was you. Literally, because of you, I can exist.

I've been trying to learn about different forms of love, but I couldn't find one to compare to yours. No word can explain the way you love me. I've been happily able to be on that journey all along because first, you gave me the firm belief that true love exists. And second, I knew I could always cry on your small shoulders when my heart was broken. I hope I hadn't missed too many times when you needed me.

Mom, look how far we've come. You might have gotten a little bit of grey hair here and there, but you still look incredibly beautiful. I believe your smile has the power that makes everything okay and never gets old. I love that smile, and I love you, mom.

P.S. Stop blaming yourself whenever I get sick. Top secret revealed; I came out only after seven months voluntarily because I couldn't wait to meet you!