Be With Someone Who Will Help You Unpack Your Baggage

I used to be of the mindset that people with "baggage" are undateable; that they are too much to deal with and being with them would create unnecessary drama. Then I became someone with enough baggage to fill at least one Boeing 747. And what I learned is that every single one of us has baggage.

It doesn't look the same for everyone, but we all carry things with us from our past into our relationships. Baggage can be childhood trauma that was never healed, coming from a broken home, having an unplanned pregnancy, infidelity, infertility, extreme insecurity, divorce, mental illness, fear of commitment, the list goes on and on. There is not a person on the planet who can say they are baggage-free.

We need to stop acting like baggage is a bad thing. Having baggage makes you human. It doesn't make you incapable of having relationships. It doesn't mean you can't love or be loved. It doesn't make you less valuable. It doesn't lessen your worth or mean that you are unable to live a happy, healthy life. The important thing about baggage is that you figure out how to maneuver through your relationships in spite of what your baggage looks like.

I often see people put "baggage free" on their dating profiles, which, of course, is not true. But let's break down what this actually means.

When someone claims to be free of baggage, it means they aren't able or willing to admit they have imperfections. They are either afraid to address their past hurts, won't confront their weaknesses, or refuse to acknowledge their shortcomings. It means they cannot, or will not, look inside themselves and address the issues that prevent them from being fully present and completely authentic in relationships.

It also means that they are not willing to accept a partner who can admit that their baggage plays an important role in their identity - a role that should not be looked down upon, as it shapes who we are as individuals. Someone who freely acknowledges their baggage is in a healthy state of mind because it means they know they have things to work on and are usually committed to healing and self-growth.

There's a quote I love that says, "Everyone comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack."

This is what a mature, healthy relationship looks like. A good partner is willing to not only acknowledge their own baggage but are also willing to help you work through yours. They know that who we are is largely influenced by who we've been, and that there's a person we hope to be. A good partner wants to help you get there and will ask for you to provide the same to them in return.

Think about your childhood and past relationships. What issues are you still trying to recover from? Can you identify your baggage? If so, what are some ways you can work through it?

It's great when you have a partner who is willing to help you unpack, but we are each responsible for dealing with our own baggage as well. It's the only way to work through it and become a better version of yourself. Your partner deserves your best, even if that best brings baggage along for the ride.

Ask your partner about the baggage they carry. Invite them to share and ask how you can help them unpack the things that are weighing them down. Remember, if someone says they are "baggage-free," it's a red flag. This person is likely not going to be emotionally available in a relationship and will see your flaws as weaknesses.

Stop seeing baggage as a bad thing - it's a human thing.

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