Be a Man

Everyone on the ground floor is happy at the party, except me sitting alone in the room on the first floor. I am really feeling very bad; as even in this generation people think the same way and ask questions the same way as they used to do in the past.

Sometimes relatives are so bad, of course, Samvitha is my daughter and I love my husband, and we are a very happy family, if there is a fight in us it’s all because of these people in society and family who are just trying to put their thoughts into our brain.

Let me tell you; the reason behind my anger and what I think of my life.

Long back; I went to this town close to Bangalore for a marriage function, where I met a man and I liked him the way he told everything about agriculture I started to like agriculture and thought of doing a course on it.

Then, when I was doing this course, I came to the same village where I could practically learn, understand everything about agriculture, like how they do? What, they do? What are the problems faced? Do they have solutions? Or do they need any help or solutions on any?.

As I learnt about agriculture I loved it more and so did I loved that man, when he spoke I felt like the soft breeze of the fields sang a song near my ears when he touched I felt the cold but soft grass on the fields touched when he came close to me I felt his heartbeat, I loved everything he spoke, I loved his kindness and love to everyone.

Later, after two years of our love proposal to each other, when we told our parents about our love, even they liked us and wanted to see us as couples. So, soon we got engaged, but our marriage was dated after six months as I had to finish my course.

We meet every now and then to gossip and spend time in the fields, and practically I could learn a lot about agriculture before my exam and did a perfect agriculture protection project. We also did a little shopping together for our marriage. Now we had just 20 days for marriage and my exams started and Ravi went to Nasik to help one of his friends to build his business.

It was 15 days and I finished my exams but Ravi and his friend did not return back but they were supposed to get back within 13days. When we went to find them out we got the news that the cotton mandi were merchants used to buy clothes for their business caught a huge fire two days back, when the auction was running in which few are in hospital and few were dead and very few escaped.

We were in shock and raced to the hospital when we found Ravi on a bed and he was alive with a few burns and his leg was fractured. I breathed my lung out and thanked God and went to speak to him, but he did not respond anything to me and turned his head.

My parents came in wished Ravi to get well soon and took me back to Bangalore and no one spoke anything about Ravi and our marriage or was able to connect with Ravi over the phone and soon after a few days I came to know that my parents were searching for another groom for me.

I asked why and there was a fight between me and my parents that they want me to get married to the boy they show and I was like… why? They were very much happy to get us married before my exams.

I was sure there was something that I was not knowing even when I tried to call Ravi he started to ignore me avoided my calls. But I had fixed him in my mind, how was I supposed to marry someone else when I loved Ravi.

I made my mind and left for Ravi’s home, he tried to push me out, and close the doors on my face, but I forced him to come with me and finally, it came out and he said “I don’t want you and neither anyone else in my life, because I have lost everything”

“I don’t get it; what have you lost, your leg is only fractured it will be fine and all are with you, even me just standing in front of you and about the money you lost, we can make it…, slowly”.

“It’s not money, fracture or family, it’s me, I have lost myself and I can never give you the happiness you want”.

“I am happy if you are just with me but you are the one who is running from me, why?”.

“Ho god! How will I tell you? Look if you marry me you are never going to have a baby because I can’t give you one, I said it ok… now just go from here”.

I was shocked, I could not speak a word, there was a long pause and tears in my eyes but not for what he lost and for what I can’t get from him but for what he understood after all these years about me, us.

“That’s it, I loved you only to have a baby from you or to have sex that’s it. Do you think my feeling for you started for that and it will continue or end there? It’s my heart on you, not just to have a baby. Sex and baby are part of love and life, that itself is not life. Having sex and a baby with a girl doesn’t make you a man, baby it’s the part of life cycle and sex is lust and not love”.

“A man is made for care, for love, for understanding, for walking together forever. Sex is important for life cycle and family but for love, you only need feelings, support, understanding, protecting each other, forgiving and begin there forever, whatsoever”.

“Haven’t you ever felt the love when we spoke for a long time, haven’t you felt the love when we cared for each other, haven’t you felt the love when we understood each other even without speaking out things haven’t you felt that love when I hold your hand, haven’t you felt the love when you waited for me and wanted to hear me talk to you”.

“I have always felt that love in everything we did till now but I think you had it, but not now as you have that ego in you that you cannot dominate me with your power and in the name of your child and people will ask of your child and insult you, you have become blind and can’t see and feel my love for you”.

“You see, this is not worst for two people who love each other it’s great, now we don’t have expectations, no one to share our love with, not need to save, make and build for one’s future. We have each other and we live for each other and we will die for each other and love each other for the rest of our life”.

We were happy to get married to each other, and we got married but our parents were not that happy, so we did not want to hurt them by staying in front of them breaking their expectation, so we moved away. We have a happy life, further, we planned to adopt a child Samvitha, she is happy with us too and life is all good but then whenever we come to meet our relatives and friends, all have the same suggestion “why don’t you divorce him and get married to someone good, who has it as you have it and you can live it with your own child why an adopted child”. But why? Can't they see I am happy with my life, my husband and my adopted daughter, we have a good relationship and still no one has expectations only love from each other and have the love for each other.