Balance

Weepy Open-book : Why do I always seem to be the one with problems?

Observant Judge and jury: Because you just are. It’s not our fault you’re such a mess.

Empathetic pacifier: You’re not a mess, sweetie, you just…need to grow. We all go through things.

Hesitant stabber: Yeah. You’re wonderful. You’re just, chaotic.

Weepy Open-book: So are you! So are all of you. Stop acting like it’s just me. Yeah, I talk about my problems a lot. But that’s how I process. You just happen to be a part of my process, which usually ends at making an informed choice. But you never want to find out how much better I am after the storm, do you?

Observant Judge and jury: You never follow up. You just expect us to absorb the weight of the emotional labour you can’t do for yourself.

Weepy Open-book : That’s an interesting observation coming from a rotting wallflower who refuses to let the light into their closet.

Hesitant stabber: She has a point there. Sometimes people hide their messiness behind other people’s mess.

Empathetic pacifier: We are all messy deep down. We all need to do “the work”, as they say.

Weepy Open-book : Yes, and part of that work is recognising that overgeneralisation is unproductive. It’s an escape route, just like judgement is.

Observant Judge and jury: What do you want, a medal for psychoanalysing everyone?

Weepy Open-book : I don’t need a reward. I just need friends who can admit that they are hurting too. I know I cry a lot. And I know I talk a lot. But maybe that’s because I’m trying to make you all feel stronger. Because I can tell how broken you all are, and you never admit it. So I offer myself as “the broken one” to meet your needs in some way.

Observant Judge and jury: Nobody asked you to do that.

Weepy Open-book : Some requests aren’t verbal. Some friendship prerequisites are unspoken.

Hesitant stabber: You seem to think that you have to earn your place here…

Empathetic pacifier: You belong. You belong here.

Weepy Open-book : Here is a mirage if I’m the only one communicating truthfully. I don’t want to be here if here means I’m here alone. So, somebody spill something.

Observant Judge and jury: It’s very difficult to get a word in edgewise with someone who always has something to complain about. I’ve actually tried to tell you about myself before. But conversation with you is a one way street. It’s a gamble where the odds are ever in your favour.

Hesitant stabber: You do seem to really enjoy your own pain and suffering narrative more than other people’s.

Empathetic pacifier: Maybe you’re scared to be at peace. Maybe you think we’ll only love you if you’re broken. But that’s not true. We love you in all shades. But you have to earn our trust a little bit. Just…try and listen more.

Weepy Open-book: Alright, I’ll try and listen more. Um…how was your day?

Observant Judge and jury: It was actually quite nice. I was productive, focused and energised. I finished the day feeling like the future looks good.

Weepy Open-book: You did? Oh, that must be nice. Most of the time I just feel sluggish and unmotivated and…

Weepy open book observes the look of disdain and fed-up-ness from her female friends.

Weepy Open-book: Sorry! Sorry. Can we try again?

Hesitant stabber: Today I realised that I’m studying the wrong thing, and that until now, everything I’ve ever done has been to make other people happy. so, I’m turning things around and figuring out what I really want in life.

Weepy Open-book: Oh my goodness. That is so relatable. I went through the very same thing last year, and…

Once again, weepy open book observes the look of disdain and fed-up-ness from her female friends. She quickly redacts her self-centred sentence.

Weepy Open-book: And…tell me more about your process. Why do you think it took you so long to focus on yourself?

Weepy open book pauses to find her friends smiling proudly at her.

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Observant Judge and jury: Ah, progress.

Weepy Open-book: This is really hard work can we go and get ice-cream? And then one of you is going deeper than we just went, even if it means I have to muzzle myself.

Hesitant stabber: That could help, actually.

Empathetic pacifier: Don’t be so hard on your…actually, I’ll be your muzzle.