Bad Girl House

Only four months after the wedding, I found out that I was pregnant. This was right after I had finished my semester of student teaching. All of our parents were thrilled at the news. It was all they could talk about. Johnathan was very excited that he was finally going to be a big brother at nine years old. Even though I was happy and saw this as good thing for me, in the back of my mind I felt that it would also be good for my relationship with John. I thought that it would make him happy, and soften his demeanor a bit. I hoped that the thought of having a baby with me would change his outlook on everything.

Around the same time, the work that Papa could send John’s way had slowed down again, so he got a job at a supply warehouse. Luckily, that meant that the birth would be covered by insurance. When John was working for his father, it wouldn’t have been covered. It wasn’t long before John was coming home at night complaining about his co-workers and managers. It didn’t matter what they were doing, he was not happy about anything. They could have been telling him simply to do something for them, but rubbed him the wrong way. He also felt that his co-workers weren’t meeting his efficiency standards. No matter where he was he was always moving, and getting something done. In his eyes, they were not. When it came to managers, he had always had trouble working under people whose job it was to give him orders. I tried to tell him that for now it was enough that he had a steady job. Trying to get along with people was going to have to be part of that job. He had never found it easy to work with anyone besides his father, and even that wasn’t always ideal.

Morning sickness was a constant battle for the first few months of this pregnancy. I always felt nauseous and hungry at the same time. Anything with too much flavor sent me running for the bathroom. I was down to oatmeal and plain peanut butter sandwiches. I even carried a sandwich around with me so I could take a bite here and there if I felt like I could hold it down. Once that had all passed, I had an insatiable craving for French toast. Since I wasn’t going to work at the time, I made it for myself almost every morning.

A few years back, John had talked his roommates into renting an apartment with him in a better area that was still relatively close to the university. Right before I found out that I was pregnant, we had moved into a different apartment in the same complex. When the weather finally turned warmer I liked being able to walk along the sidewalk for a little bit of exercise. Once summer came, it was wonderful to head over to the pool. I was often the only one there during the day, which was fine with me when I started feeling like I was the size of a whale. Often John would become irritated that I was sitting in the sun at the pool while he was at work. I was still doing house work before heading out, but he still saw it as being lazy.

The doctor’s office I had been going to, often used midwives for women who wanted to have a natural birth. I liked the idea of being in control of what was going on and having the midwife there to help me through my labor. John and I attended all of the birthing classes that talked about breathing and relaxing. We did decide to find out the sex of the baby. Everyone was even happier to find out that we were having a baby girl. That’s when our families really started shopping, bombarding me with anything and everything pink and flowery.

We hadn’t had any real honeymoon to speak of. Our only time away from home after the wedding was on our wedding night: my sister’s gift to us was the hotel room. So when I was six or seven months pregnant, John planned a weekend trip to the Biltmore Estate. Although the drive there through the mountains was unbelievably beautiful, it was quite uncomfortable because of the size of my belly, combined with the heat of North Carolina in June. John was fairly patient with how quickly I got tired in the heat, but he did want me to keep moving. We squeezed in everything that we could into that short weekend. The tour of the house was incredible. John commented on the craftsmanship, and wondered how it could have been done at the time the estate was built. I had grape juice at a wine tasting. The flowers in the gardens were all in their prime. We had dinner in one of the restaurants that overlooked the mountains in the distance. After having a good time on this trip, I felt even more assured that we would continue to grow as a couple.

One evening John came home from work in a terrible mood. He told me that he had had a verbal fight with one of people that he didn’t care for, and he was being let go. My immediate thought was that my pregnancy was no longer covered by insurance, and let him know how upset I was about that. I’m sure that John didn’t think that he was at fault.I saw the anger rise in his face: anger at the coworker that provoked him and at me for questioning him. He yelled as he threw his fist through the bedroom wall, and then stormed into he other room. I stood and stared at the hole, thinking about the strength that it took to make that happen.

It wasn’t long before money became an issue. After John lost his job, his dad still didn’t have enough work to keep both of them busy. We were paying for my doctor appointments in cash, and would soon have to pay hospital bills when the baby came. Our rent was getting too expensive to handle, so we started looking into other options. In the same neighborhood that my grandparents lived in, a family friend had several houses for rent. The cost would be much more reasonable, so we moved again. It was an extremely small house, but it would do. It was very nice to be within walking distance of my grandparents. We went over quite often for lunch. They were two of the only people who John showed any respect for. He always behaved himself around them, so they were even more in the dark about what he was really like.