Arguing With Your Dead "BFF"
When getting the last word becomes final.
Every Friday night Angel and I went to the same bar at the same time--Corleone's. Like most things In our small poor town, it didn't make sense but it worked. Corleone's was obviously named after the mob family in The Godfather, the whole theme was cheesy, from the picture of Don Vito in a backwards baseball cap hanging above the door to the violin sounds you hear in every mob movie soundtrack playing during the day. Even though the bar theme was cheesy it brought all the youngsters together with it's bro-like party scene and fun, familiar bartenders. Angel LOVED Corleone's and I thought it was okay and every Thursday we argued about trying something new but we always winded up at Corleone's.
One Thursday I did something I thought that would never happen--I convinced Angel to go to a new bar--out of town! We talked about it at my apartment, I was being so dramatic I started jumping up and down on my couch. There is this certain rush you get when you make a stubborn person change their ways, it's so validating and reassuring since stubborn people think you're the crazy person.
I didn't tell him that I was taking a plus one though. My new man. I had to tell him while the mood was still jovial. "I'm taking Louis!" the energy shifted and I knew that something was gonna happen. Angel didn't like any guy that I dated because he thought that I was a Gluten for misery. I was upset that Angel was annoyed by me bringing my man, I thought we had gotten past judging each other's mates--obviously not.
THE LAST FRIDAY
Angel agreed to drive us to the new bar, it was typical of him to be the captain of some type of adventure. Angel was running a little late though and Louis and I were just playing on our phones. For some reason Louis's phone kept ringing and he kept ignoring the call with some dramatic eye roll (A tell tale sign that a dude is texting another girl). The last call Louis got he went to the bathroom and turned on my faucet. That was awkward to me and I didn't know what to think of course you're like "Girl---he cheatin' on you!" I was telling myself "This doesn't prove anything" Yes, I was one of those women. A Red Honda Civic pulled up to the front of my apartment and I was so ready to go to the not- Corleone's-this-time-bar. Louis somehow promptly is done with the bathroom and tagged along,
I walked toward the passenger side when I saw who I thought I'd never see for the rest of my existence-- Alexis Dagistino. This chick had every bad quality you could think of: rude, stand-offish, shit-talking, hoe and messy. Her reputation is so bad when you say something bad and attach it to that name you know it's her. At that moment I gave her the dirtiest look, like imagine someone giving you a look of utter disgust, like you have poop all over your face or you're the ugliest person In the world, or your entire existence just disgusts them--yeah that was me. Angel looked at me embarrassed and fake shocked. I decided to suck it up and Louis and I sat in the back seat. We finally pulled off and we were on our way to the not-Corleone's bar. The ride seemed so long i was trying to hide my disgust and anger by mindlessly scrolling through Facebook.
I felt my heart fall to the pit of my stomach I couldn't believe Angel could be so passive aggressive--and all over nothing, who knew taking someone out of their comfort zone could come with some backlash. All of a sudden I was getting hot. I rolled down the window a tad bit and from there on it all started. "It's so cold" Alexis was always a passive aggressive person, always talking indirectly "Whatever" I said. The car got hotter and everyone looked at me like I was on crack---ME!
We finally showed up at the bar, there was neon lights and the atmosphere was lively. Before we all walked in Angel pulled me and Alexis to the side. "I know you don't like each other-- but we're here to have a good time--okay?" he put his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye. I couldn't believe he expected me to let this slide. When I looked in Angel's eyes I saw a small child having a temper tantrum after feeling defeated. Right there, at that moment standing in front of each other and his hand still on my right shoulder, I knew that Angel was not really my BFF. I pushed him off of me and gave those little inbreds a piece of my mind. I pointed at Alexis " Bitch, you aint shit and all you're good for making shit worse!" Alexis acted like she was lunging at me and Angel stood in front of the both of us.
I was truly ready to fight- I ran over to Angel's right side and punched Alexis on her left eye. "WorldStar bro!" People came flooding from outside the bar, Alexis bopped me on my lip but I got the last hit and punched her again on her forehead. Louis finally got to me and pulled me away from the scenes, perfect timing because police sirens started to sound from down the busy street. "That's right bitch, walk away!" Alexis was really showing out then, I really didn't care then because I punched her twice away--which means I won. "Get the Uber!" I demanded Louis he sighed and rolled his eyes. The Uber was coming in five minutes and that was the longest five minutes of my life, everyone was looking at me and pointing, some were even trying to videotape me. I just felt so out of place and messed up.
Saturday morning I called my mother trying to make sense of what happened last night. I was so upset I was breathing all heavy on the phone. and to make matters worse, Louis didn't even call me-yeah of course I was mad at Angel but why didn't he call me ? I mean--even though he did something messed up ,we were supposed to best friends right? I guess not! Like what most people do after a crazy night out I checked Facebook. Angel unfriended me but his page was open. There he made an indirect status pretty much targeting me "Bitches start shit and get mad when you end it" I was in complete awe I sat that and wondered am I crazy? I texted Louis fast. "How dare you bring someone that I don't like with us, you know that I can't stand her and you even said you don't like her either"
It took Angel five hours to finally answer my text "You really did make it about you, you could've let that go like. bro give it chance I was trying to have fun since I wasn't going to have fun with you or Louis. that text message said a lot about how he felt:
1.) He didn't like Louis
2.) He was trying to upset me
3.) He didn't like Louis.
Now even though Angel was wrong on so many levels he was right about me making a scene and making it bigger .I should've punched him the left eye. I just couldn't get over why Angel couldn't just tell me that he did not want Louis at the bar, why didn't he say what he felt? Angel thought I was a gluten for misery? well he was a gluten for drama.
For about a week I distracted myself from what happened. I felt so hurt by Angel's actions. What kind of BFF sets you up like that? it was the way that Angel said it that bothered me "You made it about you" now to you that doesn't so bad, but imagined someone you know always being in the wrong and the moment you tell them they're wrong, they tell you that you made it about yourself. It was something that happened all the time and was tired of being blamed for saying what I thought and knew was right. The problem is, that I always let things go even when there is a little voice inside my head that says "Say something" that was saddle the broke the camel's back (Something like that)
After yoga I got in my car and looked up Angel on Facebook. That post was still there but some of the comments were deleted. I decided to tell him how I felt even though it was a week later. "You say that I made last Friday all about myself? GTFO you're a baby--like you did that on purpose and you knew that I didn't like her!" I sent the message just like that. Hours went by and Angel still didn't text me back, I thought he was being petty.
I texted Angel again " You're not a true friend at all you're immature!!!!!!!!" I knew that is was so long ago but it felt good to get it out.
On Sunday I was lying in bed seeing if Angel was doing any more sneak dissing. Instead a mutual friend left a post on his wall saying "Damn, not you RIP" again my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and I felt like I was out of breath. I was really hoping that this was some sick joke. I looked on Angel's sister Nadina's page and a Go Fund Me was launched for his funeral costs. I inboxed his sister and asked her what happened.
Angel's sister explained to me that no one knows what the cause of death was. Nadina explained to me that she haven't heard from him and it scared her. Nadina showed up to his apartment and found his week-old body was laying on his kitchen floor. Nadina explained to me that she called his phone to see of he was just passed out. He wasn't. Angel's phone was in his back pocket and the last clothes he wore was his work uniform.
I hung up on Nadina and my eyes were swelling up with tears. Even though I was angry and It felt good to get what I had to say off my chest, I felt like a huge turd for leaving him those last text messages. I started crying out loud because it didn't really matter.
Angel was cremated and the funeral was private, none of his friends for some reason was invited. Nadina took a picture of his Urn and posted it on Facebook. The Urn was Baby Blue and Nadina made a long touching post about Angel. I could've said a lot about Angel but I decided to do what I always do and let it go.
To this day I wonder if his family read those crazy texts I sent him. Maybe I did overreact, maybe I did make it about me. I should've let it go. I realized now that some things don't need instant attention, I just wish I figured that out in a different manner.