Are You Divorcing for the Same Reasons You Got Married?

Paradoxically at first glance, the same causes that sometimes cause a woman to divorce have a hard time hanging on to her decision to get married!

Why would you fall in love with someone who seems to be your soul mate to spend the next ten years of your life in a constant quarrel, in countless quarrels and quarrels, as if you were married to your greatest enemy?

This really doesn't make any sense! It seems even more illogical to end up divorcing in order to remarry someone just like your first husband!

We all develop, since childhood, a certain horizon of expectations, which can be both positive and negative. Such expectations encourage us to think, to feel, to act, and to make choices in a certain way. They develop in a context woven around our past.

This does not mean that the past inevitably anticipates our future, but old habits make us feel good and even safe. For example, a woman who has always been criticized by her father and "imposed" by her brother will not feel comfortable with a partner who treats her with understanding and is always ready to support her.

When she meets an aggressive man who tends to control her, even though her friends tell her, "This guy is not for you," she is inclined to defend him, replying, "In the depths of his soul, he is a man. very good. Our relationship will work, you'll see! "

Another example is that of a woman abandoned (literally or figuratively) by her father since she was a child. She does not feel at ease with stable and predictable men, being prone to gravitate around some who look like her father and leave her.

If, by chance, she marries a guy who is not about to abandon her, she is able to provoke him until he can't stand it anymore and throws her out the door! If such a descendant of Eve meets a man who treats her with respect, she has a tendency not to feel good about him!

Another situation is that of a woman who has always been in competition with her father, always seeing him as a competitor. She seems to be accustomed especially to men who do not side to fight for her but not to those who try to balance her, satisfy her desires and treat her as their equal. The latter may seem "too passive" or "too boring."

If she finds a partner that meets her expectations, she is destined for a marriage marked by the struggle for domination between the two spouses.

This process is not logical or rational. No matter how hard you try to convince such a woman that she is making a mistake when approaching a man who is "harmful" to her, she will always find excuses to justify her choice.

The bottom line is that in couples formed in this way, the reasons that persuade a woman to marry someone often coincide with those that cause her to separate or divorce the person:

The initial attraction: "He's so strong and masculine!"

The reason for the divorce: "He's a brute!"

Initial attraction: "He's so cute and helpless; he needs me!"

The reason for the divorce: "He was so dependent on me that he had suffocated me with his presence."

Initial attraction: "He has an irresistible sense of humor!"

The reason for the divorce: "Never take me seriously!"

The initial attraction: "It's so ambitious and so successful!"

The reason for the divorce: "He is married to his work, not to me!"

The initial attraction: "It's so beautiful!"

The reason for the divorce: "It always attracts the eyes of the women around it."

Initial attraction: "I like his independence!"

The reason for the divorce: "Don't listen to me at all and just cut his head off!"

Initial attraction: "He's a man who likes to be in control!"

The reason for the divorce: "He watches my every move!"

Initial attraction: "He's so passionate!"

The reason for the divorce: "He always shouts at me!"