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Are women who don't have children after divorce heartless?

by xiaohu 2 months ago in divorce
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If I don't have kids, what I miss is what I miss, and I get into a new relationship, maybe I can get out of it. But have a child, mother left him, I saw the child feel guilty about him, I only hold him tight, said to him dad will never leave you.

When my parents divorced, my mom didn't want me. She gave up custody. Later my father would occasionally take this matter out to say that my mother is cruel. In fact, I don't think there is anything cruel, I am my mother's cub, is also my father's cub, why I can't with my father, why I have to with my mother. When they were together, my mother and I depended on each other. In heavy rain, my mother rode a bicycle to pick me up from school, and my father drove his car without coming to visit me. Every night, I waited for my mother to come back from the night shift to accompany me. She had to cook for me after a hard day. My father only knew that he would beat her when he was drunk. My mom went to all the PTA meetings, and after they left, I was in high school, and my dad went to PTA meetings thinking I was in middle school. So why do I have to stick with my mom, who's done so much for me, when they were still together, my mom was all I had in my life, so when they're divorced I have to stick with her and screw her over? It's a good thing my mom didn't ask for custody, or I'd have to choose. I want my mother to live a relaxed life, free from the constraints of her husband and children, I want to grind my father, let him know that raising children is not easy, money, strength, heart, all come out. The mother who does not have a child after divorce is not cruel ah, cruel what, she as a mother's premise must be a dignified person with self. After all this hard work, no more kids, she deserves it. I didn't expect a lot of comments! In addition, my mother's education background is not as high as my father's, the job is not as stable as my father's, and the economic conditions are not as good as my father's, so I did not with my mother at that time there is another reason, I am afraid that she alone with me too heavy burden. If she hadn't taken me with her, she could have had more time to work, earned more money, and made a better living for herself, as it turned out she did. Now she has found a boyfriend who is very nice to her. They have been living together for a long time, and they are not going to get married because she wants to leave me her house and everything. I'm working hard and trying to save some money to buy another house in my mom's name. In fact, we don't want anything from each other. We only want what's best for each other. My father and I have a good relationship, he remarried, personality changed a lot, became a very responsible man. He got a nice wife, too. I used to hang out with her in private, and I told her things I didn't want to tell my dad. Time has healed a lot, and I'm thankful, because now everyone is really good. I hope all of you can be happy, make the right choice, don't compromise yourself, and leave the rest to time. Wow, I didn't expect so many people to comment on my answer! And it's all positive and warm. It's great! Since many of my friends have asked me some questions in the comments and even in private messages, I will answer them in unifications. 1. Why did my parents choose to divorce? Because two people character wife is too inappropriate, are huge stubborn, complementary is completely not complementary, everywhere tit for tat is the reality. And my dad is very well-built, and he's in his fifties now and he's looking good, and he's got good skin, so even when he was young, he was a real go-to guy in his twenties and thirties. When he was young, he really had no sense of responsibility. He had no concept of it at all, so he would stay out late and come home every day. And my mother was very family-oriented and couldn't stand it, so they fought and quarreled all the time, and they got divorced. 2. Why did my father change for the better later? One is that he got older. My father used to be very immature in dealing with people and things, and did not take charge of things. Never do any housework, I was forced to mop the floor and wash clothes every day. Second, my grandparents passed away one after another. Although he was not an only child, he was still deeply shocked. He talked to me after that, said that he felt that without his parents, his roots would be gone, and he would be a little insecure. It was also after that that he began to realize the importance of family and companionship. Three is his present wife is really good. Honestly, sometimes I can't stand my dad, and she can take it and put up with it, which is what I love most. What my dad was born not a optimistic person, when I'm reading, he had very severe depression, the middle of the night can not sleep, push the I wake up, want me to accompany him for a walk (but I didn't, and because be wake is very angry scold him mental derangement, now in retrospect, I was sad and sorry, I shouldn't have said at the time]. But his wife is different from him, is a very attention to the details of life, very cheerful and tolerant. I feel like he's being assimilated by his wife, and that's why he's at peace. Now my father does not mention the past, and he will advise me not to be too fussed and more considerate when I quarrel with my mother and complain to him. Men are like this, must leave from the circle, after the person left, a person digest thinking for a long time, will gradually realize that others before his good. 3. It was very sad how my mom's life turned out. It was really hard for her at first. It rained the day she moved out, and at night she piled her luggage into the back of the van with her umbrella up and her back turned to me to say goodbye. When she left, I cried for a long time, feeling powerless. Later, she rented a small house nearby to make it easier for me to eat, and I spent every weekend in that rental house when I was in high school. Then someone introduced her to a new boyfriend, and she moved in with the uncle, but he was so bad-tempered that they broke up soon after. When the first house we bought came up for lease and the tenant left, she moved back in and has lived there ever since. Then her unit has less, although has not collapse, but every month can only get one thousand seven hundred subsidies, she started by the one thousand seven hundred subsidies and old house rent 【 I remember rent nine hundred yuan at the beginning, then one thousand two hundred] to buy food, medicine, her heart is bad 】 【 rent, then the body a little better, and moved back to old house, she began to go out to work. She used to be an accountant, but later began to do auditing. Moreover, she also took a part-time job to do accounting. Every month, she gradually saved her salary and the subsidy from the company. Now she retired, has been too lazy to go to work, every month with retirement salary and bought before the dividend of the unit stock, can have 7,000 or 8,000 a month. She doesn't spend much and she doesn't spend too much, so she's doing just fine. She met her current boyfriend at work and the two got together. My mother was nostalgic and refused to move, so my uncle moved in with her all the time. This uncle is also a very good person, character is very gentle, giant delicious cooking, my mother has tried for many years didn't do not played a bed not doing the housework in the morning, home affairs are the uncle in the dot size, sometimes I send message to my mother she would back because the didn't get up in the morning and afternoon as human social animals I envy her... 4. For women who are going through a marital crisis, I'm going through a marital crisis right now, but that's for another story. Fortunately, I haven't given birth to a child yet. So I plan to make up for the lack of work due to the epidemic before, and then negotiate a divorce. If you're like me and you're going through a marital crisis but don't have kids, feel free to break up. As long as you have a job and can earn money, it's not a problem to feed yourself. But if you don't have a job, you still need to make a plan. Before you rush to divorce, find a job and settle down before you leave. And maybe when you get a job and you're busy and you're in a different mood, you'll find that your marriage can actually be salvaged. If you're going through a marital crisis, you have kids. Then I suggest you talk to your child about it, rationally and without emotion. If the child is not awarded to you, you must explain to the child why you may be absent more often for the rest of your life. The child is too young to understand, and there is nothing better you can do than not be absent from his/her life in the future. The child will understand when he/she grows up. But if your baby is a baby, you can only do your job and be yourself after the divorce. If people talk about it, feel free to be a bitch if they want to be, but you're a good person. Whether you're divorced or with kids or not, remember to always put yourself first. A mother with an independent personality will always be more attractive than a mother who is always submissive. Don't put negative emotions and messages in your child's head. Let your child know that divorce is OK, that life will be the same, and maybe better. Don't let your child lose hope of marriage. That's it. Finally, I hope you get over it and all is well. ❤ ️

divorce

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xiaohu

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