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Are We Obligated to Cherish Friendships for Old Times' Sake?

by Katarzyna Portka 4 months ago in friendship
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When you realize the only thing in common…is your past.

Are We Obligated to Cherish Friendships for Old Times' Sake?
Photo by Kevin Gent on Unsplash

Separation is an inseparable part of every spiritual transformation. Your soul's purpose no longer resonates with the old world, old perceptions and old acquaintances. People leave.

You have every right to no longer vibe with old friendships.

At one point, it was exactly what you both needed to learn from each other and grow profoundly, sometimes controversially.

Then college happens. Boyfriends interfere. A different form of lifestyle is born.

Certain life events alter one's perception of the world. Your priorities and interests follow the suit.

Don't resist changes.

Our tastes shift.

Since everything in this world is a vibration, you attract people who match your (new) frequencies. Those friends who no longer resonate with your souls' mission, fade away from the picture.

There is no shame or loss in it unless you allow yourself to look at it from the place of deprivation.

You can only gain.

New experiences and fresh relationships fuel your growth.

Everybody serves a purpose.

Some people come to teach us a lesson. They guide us, and once the function is completed, we shall part ways. Others arrive to stay forever, but only your attitude dictates how long the relationship prevails.

Master the art of letting go.

You may find it hard to let go of the past because you attached a part of your identity to the relationship. You hold on to it, hoping for rekindling that spark.

When, in fact, you are losing the fire.

Make space for new connections and lessons to arrive. Once your focus and energy become thwarted on awkward friendship, you deprive yourself of possibilities to nurture fresh seeds.

We have been programmed to act nicely, not to step on somebody's toes. But where is growth with that kind of attitude? Humans are made for expansion.

We learn. We experience. We make mistakes. We fall in love. We break up.

No evolution would take place if it hadn't been for changes. Yet, we become defensive when faced with them.

With some people, you cannot just grow together. It is vital for your expansion to grow apart.

At some point in life, you cross paths with certain people. Those meetings set in motion new energies, new lessons to be unravelled and changes of perception. Those people come into your life for a reason, for a season.

It is like a clash of two worlds, yet a fraction of the one.

From those two worlds, pain, happiness, devotion, conditions are born. You learn from each other. You break your hearts. You comfort each other. You learn how to take care of yourself when the other person is no longer around. You let go. You go on.

You were never supposed to stay together from the very beginning. You were supposed to receive. So that you can move on to the next phase, applying the wisdom you have gained and developing a new one.

That is what life experiences are supposed to be about: growth.

Once you are able to accept, make peace with what has happened, what is to come, your life gets to be a beautiful continuous flow. You graciously appreciate the past for being a vital part of your journey.

Eventually, life always carries you to a greater destination.

How to play your cards right when cutting ties with old friends?

There are no patterns you should follow. No rules to apply.

Only your emotions and tailored-made preferences carry wisdom. If the relationship no longer feels genuine, you have no obligation to stick to it.

When you feel disconnected from old friendships, be frank about it.

No need to come up with evasive excuses.

We should not force ourselves into staying in any relationship out of good manners. We should master the art of ending any partnership that feels draining and monotonous.

It is not tactless.

Quite the contrary.

It supports our self-love, and respect towards the other person. When you engage in superficial relations, you are renouncing your integrity and the other person's dedication.

You can give yourself permission to decline an invitation if new priorities are looming on the horizon.

You can give yourself time to mourn the loss of a relationship and an idea you have attached to it. Let your emotions be heard.

With self-development comes inner wisdom, which in time can reenergize rusty friendships. Yet, do not force the connection. Maybe time apart is meant to find you both, so you can develop in unique ways, this time apart.

Life experiences are not against us. They always serve our self-growth.

The art of living is to greet every occurrence as a cherished guest, make a room, and serve it with gratitude.


About the author

Katarzyna Portka

Mindset coach. Writer. Reader. Coffee enthusiast. Tolkien’s fan living in Harry Potter’s world.

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