Are We Afraid of Being Vulnerable?

by J R 8 months ago in dating

Is it harder to form relationships if we aren't vulnerable?

Are We Afraid of Being Vulnerable?

I was talking to someone the other day, and she asked me questions about relationships. As we get older, we run into different things with people. Some of us have friends who have been with their high school sweetheart for FOREVER. We all may say out in the open, "aww, that's cute." But if you don't have a partner in your head you're thinking, "shut up, we get it, you guys are perfect." At the same time, all we see is the good parts of the relationship, never the struggles. Because keeping a relationship together is hard at some points and it takes work—a lot of work. It makes the people in the relationship start being vulnerable with each other.

Some of us don't want to be vulnerable in front of new lovers and even new friends. This is sometimes because we don't want to hurt. But this is what makes relationships stronger and better. It's hard to be vulnerable when we don't know if the other person will stay or go. Being vulnerable is about being able to make changes and take the leap, hoping you will get caught. Just because you're able to be open with someone doesn't make you weak!

But we always have to know that if you’re not caught, it’s okay as well. Sometimes we will get heartbroken, and sometimes we will fail. We are only human. But to be honest, I think how we change ourselves when we do fail tends to mean the most. Failing is a great part of life because it makes you so much stronger.

Like I said failing is okay; always remember to get up. Because I promise it will make you stronger. In life, there are things we have control over and things we don’t. It is just part of the journey.

I've dated people who I would never let them see me cry or talk to them about how I had a bad day. Because that made the relationship too real, and why would I need that? I used to think when that happened I could get hurt very fast if I did fall hard too fast, which I did. Because if I want him, I will work for him. But remember, only work for someone if they are ready to work for you.

How do you work for someone, let the little things go, and just vibe? Be clear about what you want. So there aren't any surprises!

But sometimes it gets to the point where if you aren't fully yourself with the person you want to be with then what is the point? The answer? Well, there isn't one because you're living a lie at that point. That is no fun, is it? But do remember you may end up sad crying in a bathtub listening to Sam Smith. Just try as hard as you can be yourself and learn from your mistakes.

How does love play a part in this?

Love is a very complex thing. It can make you do the craziest things. Like I moved to another country when I fell in love with a foreign boy. But it took a lot of work for it to work. Because I had to open myself up to happiness and a lot of hurts. But at the end of the day, it’s always worth it.

Someday it ended with me hurt listening to Sam Smith, getting a bottle of good wine, taking a long hot bath, and crying a bit. After the fog goes away, the hurt will stop. Just really sit down and think. I have personally learned that sitting down and reflecting is they only way you can learn from your mistakes.

Now, I'm not saying you won't ever be heartbroken again, but I am saying you will know what to do and what not to do for round two. Remember to let down your guard, open up, and then go in for the kill.

Boys are a lot more girly than we are in some ways; they hurt and hold on to things a lot more. They will not say it, but they do. You have to say what you mean and mean what you say. The only way you will know if you're able to be vulnerable again is if you go out and try it because if you don't, you will never know!



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Wine obsessed. Coffee obsessed. Blogger, runner, and traveler. Moving between Boston and London. American hoping one day I wake up and have an English accent. A girl can dream, right? Mommy of Max, a Yorkshire terrier with an attitude.

See all posts by J R