Are They Your Best Friend?

We've all asked the same questions in our relationships after that initial honeymoon phase: Do they really love me? Will they ever hurt me? Will they cheat? Do we really get along? Do we have too many differences?

But, there is one question we don't often stop to ask ourselves, or each other:

Are we best friends?

That therein is the key question—and quite possibly, the only real question you should be asking yourself whenever you are questioning your relationship. Did you start off as friends before you started dating? How long did it take to establish a bond of friendship? Would you still see them as a friend if you weren't dating?

Along with these questions, you should also be asking questions about what constitutes a good, solid friendship. Can you be yourself around them without feeling judged? Have you established any trust between the two of you? Is there mutual respect? Do you support each other's hopes and dreams? Do you both take advantage of the time you have together and make time for one another? Would you put aside your feelings, cares, and worries for the sake of the other person's well-being? If the answer to those questions is an honest yes, then you really have nothing to worry about. However, if the answer is no, you should really re-evaluate the situation and relationship entirely and ask yourself if this is the right relationship for you.

Another key component of a good friendship--and relationship--is communication. As we become more attached to our phones and other distractions, we lack a real sense of open, intellectual communication with those we have relationships with. Sometimes we find ourselves scared to speak to them out of fear that they won't listen to us or they don't care because they are distracted by something else. We feel as if the person we fell in love with no longer wants to speak to us unless they need or want something from us. We are so scared to speak out about what is troubling us until the last minute, and we wind up getting into heated arguments instead of sitting down and calmly talking.

If you feel scared to talk to your partner or lean on them in times of need, then the question I proposed at the beginning of this article has an obvious answer: No, they are not your best friend. You never were friends. Should you forget your feelings for this person and cut and run? Not always. You never truly forget your feelings. But, you should do what is best for yourself and take the time to focus on you and what you want from another person before jumping into another relationship that may leave you feeling the same way.

So often do relationships fail because of these aspects alone. There is no established friendship. There is no real getting-to-know-you phase. There is no communication and a fear thereof of reaching out to your partner. There is nothing holding the relationship together aside from sex, financial support, or other material or physical things. Relationships that have no basis of friendship or connection and rely heavily on material things and instant gratification are doomed, therefore, to fail.

So, before you get into a serious relationship with someone, focus on establishing a friendship first and foremost. During the relationship, continue to support and get to know that person. Establish trust, and don't forget to communicate. Don't stop learning what makes them tick or think that you know them entirely after a set time. Don't treat them as an object of desire.

Be friends. Be yourself around them. Establish a true bond that will withstand the bad and cherish the good. Support and love one another and remember to treat each other equally. Don't take more than you give and vice versa. If you cannot do that, you will never have happiness in your relationship.