Andrew Tate

If you're not aware of Andrew Tate, he's an 'influencer', 'entrepreneur', former kickboxer and self-described misogynist whose views on violence against women and for male supremacy dominated social media feeds in 2022 – until he was arrested in Romania on charges of rape and human trafficking.

Before he was banned from YouTube, Facebook, Instagram and TikTok, he racked up millions and millions of views on his disgusting videos that advocated for violence against women.

He's responsible for classic quote such as "I believe the women belong to the man" and reckons women shouldn't be allowed to drive, that they belong in the home and that rape victims should "bear responsibility" for their assaults.

Essentially he's the biggest piece of sh-t on the planet but for some f---ed up reason, his horrific rhetoric spread like wildfire among frustrated young men, who lapped up his twisted view of the world through social media and his now defunct online scheme Hustlers University, where he charged his followers to learn how to be just like him.

And there I was, sitting in bed with our cat Mittens curled up beside me when I caught a glimpse of Ryan's phone, with an Andrew Tate video playing on the screen and right into his headphones.

No matter what I thought was up with Ryan – work? Friends? Family? – Andrew Tate didn't even enter my brain because honestly, I didn't think he was that stupid.

Ripping his earphones out of his ears, I made it clear that there was no way that those videos were allowed in my house, and that I was so disappointed that he was even watching them. He shrugged it off, saying that his friend Ben had forwarded it to him and that he wasn't a fan or anything.

But unease prickled at me for weeks following as I couldn't help but think of what else Ryan might be looking at online. The comments began to increase – he called me 'low value' which confused me until I looked it up. In Tate-land, it basically refers to the fact I'd slept with more people than he had.

He became even more ambitious and driven – more hours at work, more hours in the gym – and became obsessed about money and 'bettering' himself.

He also demanded sex more and more, and threw hissy fits if I said no. He began to tell me how 'lucky' I was to be with him. And when we'd watch the news, he'd scoff at female crime victims and utter something along the lines of 'yeah, like that ever happened'. You don't want to know what he thought of Jacinda Ardern.

Ryan then began openly watching Tate's videos in front of me, telling me that he was the only person who could 'tell it like it is', feminism had gone too far and that it's now impossible for men to succeed. When I hacked into his phone when he was in the shower, I saw dozens of comments he'd made on social media posts that was so anti-women, it made my skin crawl.

But it was five months after the first warning bell rang that I'd finally had enough, after one night refusing to have sex yet again.

"But it's your DUTY," he screamed at me as he towered over the bed. The anger emanated him like heat rays as he looked like it took every fibre of his being to hold himself back from lunging towards me before he eventually stormed out of the room.

"You're just a f---ing FOID" he yelled over his shoulder before he grabbed the car keys and drove away. Of course I had to look up what that meant too – it's a term 'incels' use to describe a feminist who hates men, but uses them for financial or emotional support.

It was then when everything clicked into place. There was no going back with this man, and I needed to leave. Now. Not knowing how long Ryan would be gone, I ran around the house like a tornado, chucking anything I could see into bags and shoving them in the car. Grabbing the cat and my phone, I then left our flat and never went back.

It's been eight months since I left and I still feel so sad for the Ryan that used to exist, but mostly relieved I finally came to my senses. I called Ryan's mum to let her know what was going on with her son, but I don't know, if anything, came of it, but I felt like I needed to let someone in his family know what was going through his head.

There were a few angry messages and emails after the fact, but I've blocked him on every platform now.

Now, I can see Ryan was radicalised by Tate, just like so many other young men around the world. But, were those feelings always there and were just pulled out by Tate? Or did Tate take advantage of the certain characteristics that made Ryan Ryan and exploit them? I honestly don't know.

But what I do know is that Andrew Tate and his view of the world ruined my relationship – and that I'll be HYPER vigilant of the misogyny flags in the future.