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And Then His Car Wouldn't Start

by C Alexandra 4 years ago in dating
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Men, get it together.

Image from 'What to do if Your Engine Stalls' by Jack Schmitt Chevrolet (2013).

#MyWorstDate Story

As a media major, I should probably be a bit more concerned with defamation but he was trash and so was the date so sue me. Okay don't, but I believe this story will bring to light how most men have little to no self-awareness.

Something my mother instilled in me, combined with my generalized paranoia and anxiety, is to always have a way out. This comes in the form of driving yourself or offering to be the designated driver to events and other various get-togethers. My mother is the queen of offering to drive or drive separately. I must have been feeling real high functioning or forgot who my mother was that day because my first mistake was allowing someone else to be in control of getting to and from.

I lived in a big county in Northern California and he lived about 40 minutes south. His Tinder angles were on point and he spoke as eloquent as a first year, 18-year-old boy could. Not to toot my own horn, but I was a pretty witty and with it 19-year-old. Most Buzzfeed quizzes say my soul age is between 35-40. I was being a soul cougar if you will. He seemed to convince me that because he was already driving 40 minutes, he might as well swoop me up (shoutout to Bay ebonics) to our sushi/movie date even though I lived ten minutes from both locations and could have just as easily met him there. But his Tinder angles were on point and I forgot who my mother was.

Image from Catfish the TV Show

Remember when I said Tinder angles? Those Tinder angles were not real life angles and before someone throws a tizzy over shallow physical attraction, do note this was a date and often used dates which would lead to sex which I used to mask my crippling anxiety. But a hoe's got standards! Anyway, real life angles were not on point, so I immediately wrote off taking my clothes off. A girl's gotta eat tho.

I hopped into his car and we took twists and turns to my favorite sushi spot around three or four in the afternoon. On the way their I received a text message from the mother I forgot that read, "Ew, he is not cute." But she still let me get into the car with him. Thanks mom. We took a seat and talked about his life, him being a student, and any other things that he felt would be of interest about himself to me. But he did so in an aggressive manner. This part is hard for me to articulate but when he would talk about himself in comparison to others he had such a superiority complex and when it came to stories of getting drunk and getting into fights, he was proud. And as a flower child and a child of God, I couldn't get behind it. Some additional background: on my Tinder profile at the time, within my bio was the phrase 'DDLG.' Not to sound like a freak or nothin' but it's what I liked at the time and he was big interested in specifically that whenever he would ask me questions about myself.

We wrap up our foodscapades and he goes to the bathroom for a really long time. Rational me should have probably thought, "Oh maybe he's taking a dump." Instead, I became gradually more uncomfortable, anxiety set in and I figured he was avoiding paying. So I paid. Which, as a 19-year-old female who was not planning on sleeping with this aggressive guy who seemed to only be interested in my kinks and being called daddy, the ball was in my court.

He seemed a little annoyed that I paid once he came back and insisted on paying for the movie. But I was no longer planning on going to the movies. So we went back to his car. We got in. He turned on the A/C. And he leaned in real close. And ya girl proceeded to lie her butt off.

I am a 2.5 average student and I made it sound like I really needed to get home and work on my assignments as if I was on the dean's list.

And he moved in closer and I leaned back. And he turned his face towards me and I looked out the window. And then he touched me and asked more about my kinks and insisted we look at movie times and I insisted that I really needed to do my homework.

He rolled his eyes and shouted "fine." But he finally complied with my requests to take me home. He turned the key and

Image from 'How to Install an Ignition Switch' by Robert Tomashek (2016).

turned his key and turned his key. And who would have thought that only having the A/C on would drain the battery. This boy lost his sh*t. He was cursing, pounding the steering wheel, having a meltdown. I kindly excused myself from the car while he called Allstate.

Then I used my big girl brains and noted that we were on an industrial road, which are normally lined with car repair shops. So I strolled down the street and found a mechanic with a battery, brought this knight in shining armor back to the car and got this boy's car running again.

I'll admit, he did show a bit of remorse for about three seconds. He was clearly embarrassed for his outburst. But as he drove me home the conversation veered itself back to getting me to call him daddy. That evening I turned off my read receipts and never talked to him again.

Since then I've only let two guys drive me places. One whose driving constantly made me car sick and the other who ended up needing me to drive at the end of the night because he got a little too into the Korean sake.

For all my fellow anxious control freaks out there, if you absolutely cannot drive, get a Lyft (CHANSEALEX931852). No matter how great his Tinder angles are.

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About the author

C Alexandra

I'm super dramatic. Fact checked drama only. Firm believer in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Kind of want to start my own cult. Aspiring documentary filmmaker.

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