An Energy Sapper You Might Not Have Considered

I am generally all about being creative, being encouraging, and being adventurous. I believe keeping a personal journal is important for folks who are also creative, especially if they are writers.

That said, I also want to address something you might not have considered a roadblock to enjoying your life. It is holding grudges.

I’m as human as anybody and have been very curious about and interested in the quickest ways to develop into a happy and productive person for many years. I love days when my writing just flows, when I can write articles that are interesting, informative, and sometimes funny.

I realize that my moods will go up and down just like anybody else’s. It is still sometimes difficult for me to realize that I might be in a down period until I’ve already lost a couple of days of momentum with my writing. Sometimes, it is unavoidable, like when you are sick or have something very stressful going on in your life. Sometimes, something as simple as the weather is enough to slow you down a little. The big point about these happenings is that no matter the cause, what goes up must also come down. It’s a natural rhythm.

I remember a friend of mine told me once that, in regard to being depressed, there were some days when putting one foot in front of the other might be the only thing you could do.

I have all sorts of interests, short of getting glued to the television, that will help lift my spirits so I can get back to my normal optimistic routine.

However, I’ve recently been thinking about how holding grudges can really poke a hole in your plans. Like anything else, I speak from experience, and holding grudges is one of those important life lessons that can take you 70 years to learn.

Yes, I said 70 years because for me, that’s how old I am. It’s also something that once it is alleviated, that’s when you notice you feel better. It’s sort of like getting a pair of shoes that fit.

If you can imagine the atmosphere surrounding you on any given day in your life. There is short-term stuff going on that you can control. Like the news. If it is horrible, turn it off for a while, unless you are actively looking for air strikes and need to be aware of where the nearest bomb shelters are. That is one extreme. Or turn off the news and rely on someone to tell you the important stuff, like your husband or a neighbor.

But holding a grudge is deadly. I’m not sure where it could spark from; perhaps a betrayal, an injury, an accident, a willful deed of evil. Chances are, the other party might not even know you’re angry at them after all these years. Or they might not know that what they had done resulted in so many years of you being angry.

So, here’s one of those universal laws you might think about.

You are only responsible for yourself. Nobody else is responsible for your happiness or your sadness. This is a hard one to get used to, but it’s true.

The other idea surrounding this is that you won’t be able to love anybody else until you love yourself first.

A third thing to think about is that no one is responsible for making you happy. Only you can make yourself happy.

I did not grow up with any of these ideas. Not a one of them. I had to learn them slowly over the course of many years. I realize that having the care of young people in your life is different, because then you are responsible for them, but bear in mind that if your thinking is somewhat crooked, you will pass those ideas on to the children. Without a doubt.

Holding a grudge is also one of those ideas that is presented to you at an early age by someone else. Why else would you think it is acceptable to hold it dear?

But, if you can forgive, without any qualifications, if you can let it all pass away from you, well, that’s a good thing. That was a dark cloud that hung over your head, affecting pretty much everything you turned your hand to.

How to do that? I’m not sure. For me, it was about finding the best way to be a psychic and become a good writer. It was a subject that also poked its head up through the dirt to face me over and over. It stirred up a roiling mass of negativity in my heart so that I couldn’t see my way to the writer I wanted to be and was stuck in the mud with this awful grudge.

Sometimes our life lessons can be quick, but other times, in fact, most times, those life lessons have to unfold over a period of years.

It doesn’t sound pleasant, but it is worth it. Because at the end of it, I think you can take a really deep breath of air and feel joy.

Thanks for reading. Have a good day. And, if you’re a writer, write something.

Pauline Evanosky