An Empath's Story

“ To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness; it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate”- Anthon St. Maarten

Being an empath is a balancing act. While the empathetic part of me feels for someone in pain, the empath in me has a tendency to get overwhelmed from the energy omitted by others.

In my younger years, I was often criticized for being too sensitive and was advised to grow a “thick skin” more times than I cared to count. Perhaps it is because I come from a family filled with stoic people that I felt my sensitive nature a weakness, something to be frowned upon. To add insult to injury, I discovered that interactions with people resulted in me feeling so emotionally drained that it took hours for me to recuperate and recharge.

So now I was labelled as sensitive and mentally weak. Not much of a confidence booster, is it?

Learning that I am an empath was a life changing experience. It helped me accept my nature as a gift, not a weakness. Empaths are not mentally weak. The opposite is perhaps true considering the depth of pain we are able to perceive. It is not our pain but feels that way by its intensity. One needs a tremendous amount of mental strength indeed to be able handle all of that without falling to pieces.

Equipping myself with various strategies has helped protect me from being overtaxed and buffeted by other people’s emotions while still being able to enjoy their company. One such useful strategy is moving in pace with my energy.

The Moving Into Balance blog explains this concept “Pacing is knowing how long you can spend in a particular activity, and stopping when you have reached that point…..Through experience and carefully noticing our responses to particular activities, we become aware of what we can manage.”

As in any activity, physical or otherwise there is a point at which the body or mind says “No more, please.” That means stop what you’re doing and take a step back. Pushing forward despite this warning bell can prove to be potentially harmful. Being self aware of what my limits are has helped me manage how I respond to other people’s energies.

If only I had this knowledge when I was younger, I wouldn’t have chosen to retreat within myself as an act of self preservation.

I recall an incident from my teenage years, a time when my self esteem was wobbly at best. There was this girl, Kira, who was very popular in high school. No, she was not the stereotype of a popular mean girl. She was nice to everyone and had an infectious personality to boot. People were naturally drawn to her, including this good looking, lovelorn boy. Let’s call him Kev. Once, while hanging out together, Kira didn’t seem interested in giving Kev the time of the day so he decided to goad me instead by comparing Kira to me “Why can’t you be like her? She’s so outgoing and energetic. And you are so…well you know….”

Wow. All poor, naïve Yana wanted to do after hearing that awful remark was to slink away and lick her wounds in private. But the Yana today would have laughed it off by saying “Dude, you have it bad! Why don’t you go ahead and do something about it rather than take it out on me?”

According to Christina Lonsdale, a Portland-based artist behind a popular aura photography practice called Radiant Human. “We’re all broadcasting like radio stations without even knowing it.”

The energy that Kev was emanating spoke volumes about his excitement and frustration. Excited to be near the object of his affection, Kira, and frustrated that he wasn’t making any romantic headway. This in turn caused me to absorb those negative emotions that weren’t mine and react as if it was somehow my fault.

“The Empath is often said to have such a great degree of empathy that they can literally feel what others feel, and thus intuitively know many of the yearnings, sensitivities, tastes and even thought patterns of the people they’re around.” ― Aletheia Luna

I have heard people say I inspire a sense of calmness and trust which is pleasing to hear as it means they are having a positive reaction to my energy. I can be available and present to friends and family who need to unburden without becoming too steeped in their emotions as I have since learned to identify emotions that are mine and those which aren’t. Sometimes I employ the glass wall technique where I visualize a glass between me and the other person so that even though I am with them in the moment, I let their emotions bounce off the glass wall back to them rather than absorb them. And if none of my strategies work, I simply step back and take a break.

Originally published on Medium