An analysis on "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love"

A Brief Critical Analysis of Love

In the short story, “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love”, author Raymond Carver, introduces two special kinds of love. The physical love, defined as how you feel about a person based on their appearance and attractiveness. Spiritual love is the love you feel for someone despite any flaws that person may have, you still love them unconditionally for how they are as a person. Symbols can also highlight how love hides behinds certain actions while time might play a role in how we express our love for a significant other. Taking all of this characteristics in mind, finding the meaning of love could be achieved by analyzing how these factors are emphasized in the selection.

Carver illustrates this concept in different ways throughout the reading with four characters. Mel, a cardiologist, has been married to Terri for almost 5 years, Nick and Laura who have been together for one year and a half. All four are sitting at Mel’s kitchen table drinking Gin when they landed on the subject of love. Terri mentions how her ex-husband, Ed, was abusive to her to the point that she got dragged across the floor once. She explains that love was still present in Ed even though he might not have shown it in the right ways. She still thinks he loved her in his own way.

Mel, on the other hand, disagrees with Terri. He says that that is not love Ed had for Terri. He even goes on to explain that Ed threatened to kill him once. Leading to Mel purchasing a weapon in case of that threat becoming reality. Terri explains that Ed eventually shot himself in the head which sent him to the hospital for a couple of days before dying. Terri headed to the hospital to be with Ed in his last moments because he didn’t have any family nor friends. She felt that Ed committed suicide all for the simple reason that he loved her. Mel later brings up a story about an elderly couple who were involved a very serious accident. He describes that both of the couple’s chances to live were extremely low. Mel highlights that the old man wanted to see his wife even though he was basically like a vegetable and couldn’t turn his head. All he wanted to do was look at his wife probably one last time.

Mel says eventually the old couple survived and the story ends when he spills the Gin all over the kitchen table. Two significant forms of love were hidden behind the two different scenarios talked about in the story. The first one was the physical love. The type of love you feel for a person when you only appreciate them for how they look. Appearances are the only value their partner appreciates from them. As author from the book, “Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose”, Ayala Malakh-Pines says, “We enjoy the company of attractive people because their appearances give us aesthetic pleasure, just as we enjoy beautiful art objects”(Paragraph 3, Page 34). Meaning that there are people interested in how someone looks for a form of fulfillment, and most likely this character was present in Ed.

Ed seems to have only felt physical love for Terri. Yes, it was considered love, but only in a physical aspect. The author of the story briefly describes how Terri looked, which most likely was to highlight that Ed was with her for her looks. Ed presented very aggressive behavior towards Terri including verbal attacks. For example, dragging her across the floor, which made her hit her head on almost anything while yelling derogatory remarks at Terri, showed Ed as a maniac. The most likely reason he was crazy over her was because he found her very valuable in a physical beauty aspect. Which lead Ed to think she was very important to him because he was afraid of losing Terri. If Ed would have felt any type of love other than just physical, he would not have behaved the way he did towards Terri.

The second form of love is in the spiritual way. A person that loves in a spiritual manner considers his or her significant other to be valuable for how that person is inside. The morals, positive energy, and humbleness is what attracts a person, despite of any surface flaws. Paying attention to what makes up a person is what’s important to a spiritual lover according to Morgan Scott Peck, an American Psychiatrist and author of the best-selling book, “The Road Less Travelled”, says that “When we love something it is of value to us, and when something is of value to us we spend time with it, time enjoying it and time taking care of it” (Paragraph 4, Page 22). This illustrates the point that people that are spiritual lovers dedicate time to their partners because of how valuable they consider them in order to preserve them; and at times show it in symbolic ways.

Symbols play a major role when expressing spiritual love to find the real meaning of love. In the beginning of the story, we see how Terri, after all the physical attacks and threats against her and her new husband, still visited Ed in the hospital after he shot himself. They mention that Terri argued with Mel over visiting her ex-husband after she found out he was still alive but not conscious, so Ed really never knew that Terri was with him in his very last moments. Terri showed spiritual love in a symbolic way by being fully compassionate and humble with Ed in the hospital. She felt that being there for Ed was a choice out of love for him regardless of the past, and regardless of Mel fighting over it.

Another symbolic example talked about in the story was about the elderly couple in how the old man cared so much about his wife. Mel tells Terri and the two others that both were casted from head to toe. The husband was informed that his wife was going to make it, but he was depressed because he couldn’t see his wife. His mental health was breaking down because he wasn’t physically capable to turn and look at his spouse, even though she was next to him. It almost sounds like a physical type of love for the reason that he wanted to see his wife, but it is not. The man’s heart was broken because he couldn’t humbly look at his long-time partner at least once. For appreciation, despite of her condition, and regardless of how crippled she was. He expressed spiritual love in frustration to his disability.

Time can play a big role in order to illustrate the meaning of love. In the story, Mel talks about how one day you believe you have found the love of your life, and the next day that person could be gone for any given reason. After a brief period of grieving you will eventually move on and find someone new. The love you have felt for that person will be a simple memory. Does that imply that the love you feel for anyone, if anything happens to them, will simply fade away carrying in the wind of time? Will it live in your memory, slowly forgetting how that person made you feel until you don’t remember how it actually felt anymore? Time will not stop moving, signifying for us to live and love people every day we get to spend time with them, and enjoy them at the best and worst times. Taking this in consideration, time could inevitably expand love to a greater dimension as it goes and by how much time is spent with significant others.

Time can develop and grow love as it progresses. The elderly couple who had very low chances of living, is a great example. They most probably had been together for a long time now since they were in their seventies when the accident happened. Mel mentions the old man was heartbroken at the fact that he couldn’t see his wife. Meaning he had developed a deep form of love for his partner over the course of the years. Explaining his frustration when he couldn’t turn to see his wife in the hospital. The man felt that he needed to see his wife to recharge his strength and push through the accident. Maybe he was looking for motivation, and the only person that could provide that was his wife. Suggesting his feelings for her were immense and his love had grown to a greater proportion with time.

To conclude, taking all of these examples and symbolical instances from the short story in consideration, the meaning of love is interpreted in different characteristics. The differences between physical love and spiritual love play a major role in how the relationship develops over time. Symbolic gestures can highly increase the strength of the relationship between two people, which lead the love between both to be brought to an imaginable and deeper feeling towards each other. It is imperative to love unconditionally for it to broaden happiness in a person, build spiritual and mental health, and to lastly enjoy every single second spent with your significant other to truly find the meaning of love.

Works Cited

Carver, Raymond. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love. 1988.

Malakh-Pines, Ayala. Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose. 2005. Google Scholar, https://books.google.com/books?id=a4pIiFqpUtEC&pg=PA35&dq=attractive+people+love&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjs7rLyyObnAhUHPK0KHQ52BOYQ6AEwAXoECAAQAg#v=onepage&q=attractive%20people%20love&f=false

Scott Peck, Morgan. The Road Less Traveled. 1978. Google Scholar, https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=KNyvQxE466kC&oi=fnd&pg=PA13&dq=love+despite+flaws&ots=RzU51p0ET1&sig=kemBGwJXhTGgrgylavKdNKYUn38#v=onepage&q=love%20despite%20flaws&f=false