An Affair to Remember

Remember the day we first met? I was a college freshman, eighteen years old, and working a part-time job at a grocery store. You were waiting for me on campus one day unexpectedly. I should have said good-bye the minute I realized who you really were, but I was curious. It couldn’t hurt to just look, I told myself.

I was flattered that you chose me. I mean, I was young and naive and you were so worldly. I thought of all the things we could do together: long lunches at that cute bistro near campus, late nights with friends, afternoons just strolling around the mall. You made me feel so adult. So responsible. I thought of how jealous all my friends would be.

I couldn’t believe that you were mine.

Soon we were inseparable. You were literally by my side every day, always there for me when I needed you. But I kept my promise to myself. I never went too crazy. I was never out of control around you, although I knew you wouldn’t mind. I never let you tempt me into doing anything I’d regret.

Years went by and we were happy. We had fun but I paid for it at the end of every month. You were the only one I needed. Then one day, I’m not sure what it was, maybe the promise of more for less, maybe just the lure of something shiny and new, I strayed. I told myself that I needed more. That you couldn’t satisfy me.

You were holding me back with your arbitrary limits.

Now that I had two loves in my life, I had to learn to juggle. I divided my income and my time between the two of you. I thought I was so smart. I was beating the system, getting something for nothing. Points, cash, gift cards, the choice was mine. As long as I paid for it every month. For a long time I did.

But I got greedy and I received an offer I couldn’t refuse. A whole year to play without paying the price. The world was my oyster. True, the three of you were a bit much, but I knew I could do it. And if I ran short some months, that was okay because I could just play one of you off the others. I had it handled.

Then it happened. My house of cards came tumbling down. I lost my job and I relied on the three of you a bit too much to get me through the shock. At first, I was in denial and continued to live as I always had, but all of you demanded so much of me that I needed some relief.

And the shiny new offers kept coming. Soon there were five of you to keep me going until I was safely employed again. By then my debt to all of you was so high, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to pay you back. You reassured me that I could take my time. You weren’t going anywhere.

For years, I toiled just to meet the least of your demands. I hated you for it and I hated myself for letting it come to this. Finally I started doing what I should have done Freshman year. I said goodbye to you while I got my life together.

We were officially on a break.

I didn’t take you out with me to the grocery, or the mall, or the bar. You stayed at home and slowly your demands became more reasonable until I was finally able to end our relationship. One by one, I banished the five of you from my life as I became stronger and stronger.

At first I felt insecure without you by my side. What if I had an emergency? Who would help me?

Then I realized that a grande iced caramel macchiato from Starbucks isn’t an emergency.

After so many years together, my judgment had become clouded. I had lost my perspective. I had lost my ability to tell want from need.

But I’m better now, thank you very much. I’m doing just fine. I have a new friend, let’s just call him Cash, who keeps me in line. The thing about Cash is that he knows what he’s worth and when he’s gone he’s gone.

He doesn’t keep me wishing for more. And I never owe him anything.

So goodbye old friend. No hard feelings. Maybe someday when I’m feeling stronger we can hang out again — maybe meet for a drink. Or maybe not. I’m just enjoying being on my own for now.

I feel like I’m eighteen again.