An Actual Tale of Something Quite Like Love...

So, we, or rather, he decided it was best to walk away, from me, from our plans, from any possibility of ever being able to create something meaningful between us. After all, the situation had become more than he could handle. Never in a million years did I think I would be the kind to go back to a lost love. What was I thinking? Maybe I wanted to reminisce about the good days, maybe I missed the feeling of being together with him even though all we had was distance and spaces, hopes and aspirations between us, or maybe I still longed to know, to experience what an actual relationship, companionship friendship with him would be like. And it was short lived.

You see, he was special and he knew it, first and only one of his kind to me, and I loved him so intensely so much that as I write I still feel the dull ache of loss somewhere in my gut, that we could have made something of the chance that life gave but somehow let that slip right by us. He understood my heart. My mind. He knew just what to say to make it right. I in return gave in to his whims and desires best as I could. This was exactly what I wanted. We had a future ahead of us. We knew how many kids we were going to have. We knew their names. We would make it work somehow even though the odds were neatly stacked against us. But for now, all we knew was love. He was everything I hoped and prayed for. Ours was a reverie that went by as quickly as it started. But then I realised that for as many times as I said I loved him, he never said it in return. He promised to meet me halfway but when push came to shove, he was out in a heartbeat and never looked back. Goodbye was all it took. It stopped hurting when I remembered that I told him I wanted to be a part of his life. I meant it. That was why I reached out again. That was why I risked it all. The stakes were low, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be there as he progressed through life. He didn't say it back to me. He probably never shared that desire. Not the first time. Not the last time. Not ever.

Oh I do not regret that I chose someone else because we both agreed he couldn't be there for me as I wanted and hoped or that he eventually chose to not be handcuffed by the ropes of my indecision and the burdens of our inequality or even the incredulous ideas I proposed as a solution to our malady. Maybe he made the sacrifice I was too weak to make.

It's been so long since he said goodbye. and being the lucky one, I didn't lose out entirely in the end on a whimsical parade. A game of no winners and no losers. But a sad sad tale of a love that could never be.

Looking back on it now, I appreciate that our tale was created thus. Who knows what the other side of the fence had in store for an unsuspecting lass? Quite glad I would never know.

And today, as I stand by the one, I had come to love and adore, we can finally heal, appreciate that each one had made an ultimate sacrifice, and I realise that maybe, just maybe I had finally learned to love.