All the luck

All the luck

Some guys have all the luck. Some guys have all the pain. Some guys have a little sunshine in their life. My life is always fill with rain… I can't believe so many people can be so sad inside and on the outside, they find a way to force a smile. They pretend all is well. They find a way to bear with life, knowing there no one who cares. They do it for their love ones, for the people who are there night and day and can't find happiness at all, no way.

After losing my mother, I was really struggling with her death and came across some of her things. In her laptop was this poem she wrote. I noticed she had fell into a deep depression. I cannot imagine how she must have felt. I feel terrible knowing I was not able to bring her happiness or comfort. In today's world, I see so many people can fall into this state of mind. Feeling hopeless, alone and incomplete. It must be like a living hell.

I've never really considered myself to be lucky. I just never tend to have much luck. I remembered when I was a child; I wanted to have the perfect happy family and not to anyone surprise it kind of sucked. I grew up in a poverty driven neighborhood where the kids, grown up and crooks were all up to no good. I wished, I wished, I hoped, and I prayed but unfortunately, that is where I stayed.

Years later, my mother found luck. She won a lump sum settled for having her paycheck snubbed. She was a thousandnaire for a few months. She hoped to purchase a house in the western suburbs right outside of our hell with had growing up. She trusted in a preacher man, with a simple plan. He gave her the option to rent to own. For he had a house. Without a doubt, it did not turn out. After putting a down payment of $19,000 in his account it turned out he had foreclosed and he simply stated he didn't know. Almost two years of paying toward this purchased that would never happen, the sheriff turned up to send us packing.

With nowhere to go and no plan in sight, we discovered a little black box after packing and stumbling for one room to another. We had no clue where this box came from or whom it belonged to. We just simply threw it in the big black truck with all our belongings. We went to live with a family friend who in the end was another wolf in sheep clothing. She was very cruel and thought my mom was a fool. She would leave pots and pans all over the place. She would yell "don’t touch I do not have much" and eat her food right in our face.

Living here and there over the years I had suddenly grew into a young woman. My mom feel ill and was very sick. She was mentally ill before she became physically ill. I think once COVID hit there was no other way to feel. There was no way out and nothing to turn to. Everyone I knew was suddenly all down and blue. My mom passed away and that is all I have to say…

I recall being offered a job that I could not afford to refused. I was in total survivals mode and knew just where to go. I went back to the friend of the family house to collect my belongings. For she had given them all away but the little black box. I had no clothes for my first day. I had nothing to wear. I had no time to spare; I grabbed the box without a care. I rushed to my beat up 1990 ford, threw the box in the truck of the car/studio apartment I had inherited from Ma. To think it used to be two of us sleeping in this car was far from my thoughts.

As the clock strike twelve, I dosed off to sleep as I was in my "bed." I started to pray before I lay me down to sleep. I decided to search the truck just out of wishful thinking, or perhaps my prayers were being answered. I opened the truck and searched my bags and rags and right before I closed it, there was the little black box. I decided to bring it up front with me to lay my head on it anything else it can be my pillow tonight. I tried to pry it open to no avail. Well, that’s my life, a true living hell.

I arrived to the mall the very next day. Oh, if only I could borrow a dress, is the best I could do. I went in the store and looked around. I am not a thieve I thought, and I saw a beautiful evening gown. I tried it on just for fun. The person staring back in mirror was a frightening sight. I hurried up out of there crying with all my might. I ran back to my car and decided I will just have to show up, as you are. I arrived to the conclusion that maybe the person I worked for could help with my delusion. Maybe they will not noticed this is the same dress from before. I thought, however, it is a hardware shop. Maybe there is a way to open the box. I arrived 15 minutes early to purchase the tool I would need. I ignored the laugher and stares. For I simply did not care. I only had five bucks, in my pocket, it's just my luck my purchase didn’t top it. "That will be $4.95 please the cashier sneered." I banged and fumbled with the black box. Oh no here comes the boss. He looked perplexed indeed. I think he is even upset look at his red checks. There was steam upon his face. I am so out of place. Young lady whatever is the case, you cannot work here, you don’t belong here. You must leave my place. I gathered my things and headed for the door. The laughing and pointing started and I bolted my belongs but the black box fell upside down on the floor. Everyone frowned at the sound. Their faces begin to change. They pointed as they smiled and approached like wild animals. I looked down to see there was money flying all around and a 100 bill soared right out the open door.