Ain't that shit funny?

Being good won't always feel good.

Ain't that shit funny?

You can be the most perfect friend to a person by putting them before yourself in every aspect. You can take it upon yourself to push your own feelings aside in order to fully tend to theirs. The reality of the situation never leads to what your expect or desire it to be; everyone loses.

It all started during the time of elementary school. When things were much easier, less dramatic and carefree. It takes the average calls, sleepovers, kind gestures and fine outings to create and maintain friendships. As time goes on you become older, brighter and wiser. You start to shift perspectives an see the surface of the shallow waters. You begin to realize these aspects of friendships do not keep true friends, just the ones who seek to 'feel' like a friend.

Being a good friend isn't about painting a pretty picture or the kind gestures. It's about dealing with then bitter and the sweet, the ups and downs, and finding reasons to keep going when everything tells you to evade.

I had a 'friend', well there was this person who I thought was my friend, but she couldn't appreciate the realism when it was needed. When hardship came around it called for harsh awakenings and even bigger risks. Will she understand and appreciate the difficult advice? Will she shy away from my thinking because it wasn't her own? Yes. She wasn't able to digest perspectives. She was too wrapped up in her pretty picture to accept any kind of abstract content, but the truth is without, her illustration was sadly basic. She would rather remain comforted by those who applauded poor decisions and called it ‘living’. Oppose to possibly learning new approaches that would ultimately be her decision to make in the ending. I feel if you did not agree with her initial thoughts anything said would be taken as dictation. She refused to consider. She simply couldn’t appreciate an opinion, even worse, couldn’t foresee potential in anything, but her own choices. Me being the person I am can see both sides to this issue. She was either admirably strong minded or disturbingly stubborn. Who’s to say? The real mess within this interesting little girl was she began to change how she dealt with individuals she felt spoke against her thinking and decision making. The very same individuals who she is well aware would go through hell and high waters for her. The exact individuals who’s always put her best interest before their own even if it jeopardized their current situation. The very people who would not gain a thing, sometimes as little as a ‘thank you’, through helping her, but still chose to because they understood what it meant to be an actual friend. I was most definitely one of those individuals. I was the abstract she decided to exclude from her perfect simple picture. Due to the fact that I had it in me call upon her poor judgment, despite knowing how she’d feel about it, I was quickly deemed as a person she no longer owed decency, relations, respect or friendship at a whole. She suddenly became blind to the true gestures that proved I was a true friend. I never expected her to obey or swallow my opinion, but to at least hear where I was coming from. I never took it upon myself to force my voice in her ear, but I always wanted to assure I took time for the right events. Maybe I should have sat back like the rest or even evaded like most did. For some reason I chose to stay around and be that ‘bad guy’, and for what? To be left alone and seen as absolutely nothing.

friendship
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Cash
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