I was abused by reality. I walked in his shoes for 19 years, never did I stumble or fall. My eyes were fixated on him, his well-being and his spirit. I don't know much about him but I was able to catch a glimpse of his heart. Yeah, his heart, he had one but not everyone had the gift to see it.
I looked past all his flaws and imperfections to take a glimpse of his heart. He was charming, charismatic, courageous, cool, cute, strong and funny. That's what caught my eyes and my heart, his aurora. We were friends before we were lovers. We talked on the phone for three months before we saw each other face-to-face. Everything was going well until I allowed my heart to drip in his hands. He had a cracked cup with no intentions of catching my heart just draining it. Did I see the signs you say? Maybe? I was blinded by his humbleness, his strength, his manners, and his gentleness with me. One night, I saw him, no not him, but HIM, Beelzebub. He had two ram horns on his head and a human's body. I hid under the covers shivering, afraid to look out. Each time I looked out, there he was sitting with his back towards me, and I still remained.
He was alone, everyone had abandoned him, except for me. I was very concerned about his mental state in prison that I put myself on a mission to be there for him so that he would not give up on life. I made a vow with God to stick in there with him. He survived and I began to emotionally and spiritually die. Others told me to release him. Some thought I was crazy. But I knew what I knew and no one could change that for me, he's really not all that bad, I believed.
I spent nineteen years of my life visiting a prison facility. I was mistreated by the guards who tried to make every visit for
me difficult. There were times I was denied a visit because of my clothing or my attitude towards a guard. I was body searched on every visit. If my bra had a wire in it, I had to either rip the wire out of the bra or return home, which was an hour drive from the facility. Rainy days, snowy days, sunny days, happy days, sad days, holidays, birthdays, I was there for him.
Finally after 19 years he was a free man. I was shocked and amazed at the same time. He's really free. He's really outside those prison gates. Finally, all my dreams will become a reality. Oh how excited I was to finally have him home with me. No more lonely nights, no more waiting on his phone calls that lasted 30 minutes, no more long rides traveling to see him, no more standing in the cold, or in the rain waiting to get in to visit him. No more than just sitting across the table from him, can finally hold him, kiss him, and talk to him as long as I want too.
Then there HE was again, Beelzebub, he raised his head and began to belittle me. He talked bad about my home, my car, my appliances, my weight, my hair, my everything. Everything, everything, EVERYTHING I dreamed about, prayed for, sacrificed my life for, was all a joke to him but a reality for me. Everything I dreamed of was given to others and I was left like an empty soda can on the street, kicked daily, slapped and punched daily. No not by him but by REALITY! Love never lived in his heart.
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