About that Night....
Life is a balance of holding on and letting go. - Rumi
The anticipation of his next text is exciting. What am I doing? Am I even ready? The text comes in. He asks to meet me. I always imagined I would be more wary in this kind of situation, but I’m not. Maybe the anticipation of a new experience clouds my judgement. I agree to meet him. Am I supposed to keep the conversation going by text? I'm terrible at texting. The thought of engaging him via text messages scares me. I can't flirt to save my life in person, let alone in texts. I play it safe and don’t even try.
We meet at a bar later that night. Surprisingly, I am not as nervous as I thought I would be. The bar is full of life. The windows are open and the music is blaring onto the streets. There are so many people in there. I'm intimidated to go in. I decide to call him to come out to meet me. After all, it is the first time we meet. He comes outside to greet me. I'm not sure how many times he's done this, but it was my first. I instantly feel comfortable with him. There was something about his eyes that put me at ease. I remind myself to treat this encounter as if I was meeting a new friend for a drink. There are no expectations of anything, but to have a drink and a good conversation with a new friend. I’m immediately taken aback by how handsome he is. He flashes a smile that leaves me feeling butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I am instantly mesmerized by his eyes. I can't keep my eyes off of him. We spend the next hour trying to get to know each other as best as two strangers can. After my second beer, we seem to be getting closer together. I laugh at something that is said and look away. At that moment he pulls me close to him and we kiss. My first kiss in over 20 years.
This is my first encounter after walking away from my marriage nine months ago. I've wondered so many times how this exact moment would feel. Never did I expected it to feel right. It wasn’t awkward, as I imagined it would be. He is completely different than what I know and I like that. I fall asleep in his arms.
I admit it, I don't know anything about this man but what he told me. He seems genuine to me. He may have gotten what all men want, but what he probably doesn't realize is that I got what I needed. He is my conquest that night. He is proof to myself that I am ready to move on. I somehow convinced myself that I would not be capable of doing so. I am afraid I will be stuck in that mindset. I have plenty of men proposition me when I go out, but this is different. I’m constantly paranoid men sense a vulnerability in me. That makes me feel like I’m being played and I quickly shut them down. The choices I made that night gave me a sense of empowerment. As a newly single woman, I am in control of who I decide to be with and when.
This past year has been a time of self-discovery for me. I’m learning what I like and what I don’t like. What I will accept and what I won’t. I’ve lived so many life experiences and this is another experience that I will cherish. I am a hopeless romantic when it comes to life experiences. I’m learning to let go of what is gone to make room for something new. I’m learning to live in the moment.