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A Woman's Worth

Chapter 4: Maybe it Will Get Better

By WriteAboutItPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Chapter 4: Maybe it Will Get Better

Steven and I have not seen each other for over a week. His actions really made me feel some type of way and I don’t know what to do. I keep asking myself if I overreacted. Should I just lose my virginity to Steven? Is there any point in waiting? Maybe he is right about this whole situation.

After I left his house, he didn’t call or text me for a couple of days. Which honestly annoyed me because I wanted him to apologize. It’s like he didn’t even care, but as usual I push my feelings down and act like nothing is wrong. Why do I keep doing that? I always put his feelings first, maybe one day I will put my feelings first.

Every single time he breaks my heart, I forgive him. Like right now I am still upset with him, but my stupid ass is out Christmas shopping for him right now. Knowing damn well he most likely isn’t going to buy me anything. Just by thinking this, I get frustrated and I want to start crying. A part of me is telling me to hold on because he is going to change, but the other part of me is telling me to walk away.

Once I finished shopping, I went over to Steven’s house to spend some time with him. While I was laying my head on his chest, for some reason I just blurted out, “I’m ready.” As soon as, I realized what I said I got nervous.

“Ready for what?”

“To lose my virginity, if by me losing my virginity to you will help save our relationship, then I’m ready.” Steven sat up and I turned to look him the eyes.

“Baby that would solve all of our problems. I promise you.”

After I decided to lose my virginity to Steven, things did not get better. Instead things started to become a lot worse. Something changed within Steven, it is like he became this dark controlling person. Sex with him was no longer sex… He knew I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore, but he would take advantage. I did not know what to do, I started to become scared. There was no one I could talk to about it, not even my parents. I did not want to hear the I told you so speech.

Whenever I go home, I would just rush to my room so I could cry. Every day I had to put on a brave face and I act like I was okay. Little did everyone know, is that I was dying on the inside. How could someone claim that they love you, but break you down every chance they get? That is not the kind of love that I had in mind. Not once did I think Steven would hurt me so much.

I am getting tired of getting my heart broken by him, but I am holding out from leaving because maybe, just maybe he will change his ways. Steven might see that he is treating me wrong and will treat me better. Then we could have the love that I always wanted. Steven could be the one for me and we will be okay. Couples have their dark stages, and this is just ours at the moment. We can overcome this as a couple, if I tell him how I truly feel then he will treat me better. Our could grow so much and we can have a long-lasting relationship. Everything is going to be okay between the two of us.

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