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A Woman's Worth

Chapter 5: It's Time to Learn my Worth

By WriteAboutItPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Chapter 5: It's Time to Learn my Worth

Do you ever wake up one day and realize that enough is enough? Do you ever get tired of thinking that the person you love, will change? You just keep hoping that maybe this time he will get it or maybe this time he won’t put his hands on me anymore. Well, I thought the same exact thing with Steven, I haven’t been completely honest with myself or fair with myself at all. For some reason I pushed all the negative things Steven did to me, to the side. I kept telling myself that everything will be okay, “he is going to change” I used to say this to myself all the time. Well, I was completely wrong, and I am at a lost for words because I never saw any of this happening to me when I first met him.

Being in love can blind you… I was so desperate to have the feeling of love because I never had it before. I wanted to know what it was like, but I forgot the major step in all that. I needed to love myself first. I needed to know my worth and I didn’t. When Steven put his hands on me, it made me realize that I deserve better. No man should ever put his hands on a female.

Things are never going to get better with Steven, because there are things that he has to work on, and I need to work on myself. Because I didn’t properly value myself at this time, I attracted the wrong guy into my life. I don’t know what it is to love myself yet, I don’t know anything myself. Who am I? Why do I hate myself? How can I become a better me? There are a lot of things I need to figure out for myself. I am only eighteen and I am consumed with the thought of love. That is so stupid because I have all the time in the world to figure out the true meaning of love.

I should be focusing on applying to colleges and making friends. Every day I struggle with loving me and I hate it. No more focusing on the wrong things, no more worrying about how I look. I am hoping that one day I find the true meaning of what it is to love myself. One day I won’t care so much what others thinks. One day I will only care about what I think.

It is time for me to go on a journey of healing and valuing myself. I will no longer be my own worse enemy. I know this journey will not be easy, but I know it will be worth it. I don’t know how, but somehow, I got lost along the way and now I need to find my way back to the right path. Darkness surrounds my soul I don’t remember the last time I genuinely smiled.

The light that I once had needs to be restored back into me. This time I will not give up on myself and I will work on correcting the relationship with my parents. I will work on finding friends who I can count on. Like I said I know it won’t be easy, but I know that I am worth fighting for. Every day I will tell myself that I am good enough, instead of saying that I am not good enough. I need to remember that it is okay to cry my eyes out without feeling guilty that I am showing emotion, no more holding things inside.

I know that if I go down this path of finding and loving myself, I will be okay. One day I will look back at this and realize how strong I am. I never thought that I would leave Steven, but it had to be done. Because deep down inside, I knew my worth…

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