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A Veil of the Mind

Memories Unveiled

By Jeremy McLeanPublished 3 years ago 8 min read
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They said it would feel like swimming—no currents, no resistance, like floating in the water.

To me, it feels like waves crashing. The rushing waters hit me again and again when a new memory invades my mind. Against my will, I'm forced into the past, reliving moments captured in time, sometimes for the better, but others…

I'm staring at a half-empty glass of merlot. I'm waiting for James to arrive. Maybe it's the wine, or perhaps the anticipation, but I don't mind that he's late for our first official date. We've known each other long enough that I'll give him that courtesy.

"Sorry I'm late," he says, placing his hand on my shoulder as he leans around for a kiss.

I gladly return the kiss. "That's alright," I say back to James. I watch as he takes off his thick, black peacoat, exposing the trim body of his twenties. I imagine it pressing up against me but quickly brush aside the thought. The wine was stronger than I anticipated.

"I was just enjoying a drink." I gesture with the merlot in my hand before taking another sip.

James glances at my drink, but I catch his eyes looking elsewhere before he looks at the wall of booze behind the hotel's bar. I smirk at his wandering eye. I know just what he's thinking, and it sends a flush of pleasure through me to think that we're both thinking the same thing.

"They have a great selection here," he says, trying to start small talk.

"I ordered roasted chicken and garlic vegetables. I thought it would pair nicely with this," she said, raising her glass again.

"I'll just need a moment with the menu," he replied, "but that sounds delicious."

I respond with a general affirmation, but I don't look away from his eyes. His blue eyes. After a moment, he notices me staring at him and looks at me with a smile.

"What?" he says with a chuckle.

I smile back. "Nothing."

"Well, maybe you should just leave!" I scream, heaving as I fold my arms across my chest.

James is silent for a moment, eyes widening, but his face doesn't soften. He doesn't say a word as he grabs his peacoat and walks out the door.

His car peels out of the driveway. I let out a breath and collapse on the edge of the couch. I cover my face as I sob, trying to muffle the noise, even though I know that Jessica heard us fighting.

Footsteps around the corner of the room prompt me to wipe my eyes and stifle the river falling from my eyes. Our daughter pokes her head around the edge of the wall, peeking to see inside the living room. After she sees me and sees that we're no longer fighting, she enters the room.

She doesn't say anything, just walks over to me and hugs my leg.

I can't help but let out a chuckle. "What are you doing, honey?" I ask in a nose-stuffed tone.

"Mommy's sad. You said sometimes when people are sad, they need hugs."

I feel the tears coming back, so I pick my daughter up and pull her in close. "You're a good girl, Jessica. Mommy really does need a hug right now."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride."

My eyes well with tears as I watch my new son-in-law move the veil I used for my wedding away from my daughter's face. I wipe the tears away while they kiss and seal the contract. The crowd erupts in cheers and hooting at the union.

My own husband's hand pulls me in closer to him. I look up at him, and I can see his face is a mix of emotions like he's holding back tears, but he has a smile on his face. I place my hand on his chest, and he kisses my forehead before he wipes his eyes and joins in the roaring clamour of hoots, cheers, and clapping.

I let out a laugh at my husband's hooting and then gaze back at our daughter, the woman we helped shape, as she grows into a new chapter of her life. Fresh tears form in my eyes as she rushes down the steps towards me, her arms outstretched and a warm smile on her face.

I can see she's fighting back the tears too.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Dunn, there's nothing more that we can do for your husband."

My mouth goes slack. The stale air of the doctor's office makes my tongue go dry. "B-but why?" I say, my voice cracking. "Before the surgery, you said everything was going to be fine."

"Well, when we were in there," the doctor began. His poor wording made it seem like he thought of my husband as a car needing a mechanic rather than a person. He continued, "We realized that the damage was too extensive. The accident took too much of a toll on your husband's brain."

I don't know what to say. My mouth, slack again, trembles as I glance around the room, and I can't meet the doctor's gaze right now. If I do, I know I'll…

A cough from the doctor forces me to look up at him, but he's staring at a paper in his hand. "At this time, there are only two options available. And, unfortunately, due to your financial situation, the latter is preferable."

I bite my lower lip and look away for a moment. I already know the answer to the question, but I ask it anyway. "What are my options?"

I'm looking at a photograph of a woman and a man on their wedding day. They look familiar, but I can't quite tell who they are. I feel like I should know, especially since it's in my home and in my hand, but I don't.

The woman is wearing a beautiful dress with a thin veil covering her face, and in one hand she's holding a bouquet of a variety of flowers. Her other arm is entwined with her husband's. He's a very handsome man. Fit, with a tailored suit, clean-shaven, and his hair has just a touch of curls to it. Both of them are smiling with a hint of blush across their cheeks.

Footsteps around the living room corner draw my attention away from the picture, and I see a woman walk in. I look at her and then at the picture again. I don't recognize her either, but she looks similar to the woman in the photo. I gather the courage to say hello and explain my confusion.

"Is this you in the photo?" I ask.

I can tell the woman is taken aback for a brief moment, and I feel embarrassed, but she quickly recovers and sits down next to me on my couch. She takes the photo in hand and looks at it for a moment, a sad smile curling across her lips.

"That's you," she says.

"Me?" I say, dumbfounded, as she hands the photo back to me.

I look at the photo with new eyes, but it only raises more questions. I touch the face of the man in the photo. "So, this is my husband?" I ask, and then I notice the ring on my finger. It must be true.

"Yes, that's James. Your husband."

I look around the room. There's no one else here, and I can't hear any other footsteps or anyone talking. "Where is he right now, dear?"

When I look at the woman again, she seems heartbroken and at a loss for words. She doesn't know how to respond.

"That's it, that's it," a man says from beyond my vision.

I feel groggy, and my eyes are unfocused. I blink again and again to fix the blur, and slowly the fog fades away. The man helps me to sit up.

"Well, that ends today's session. How are you feeling?"

It starts to come back to me. Why I'm here. What just happened. But there are still things I'm forgetting, and I know that something's not right.

"I'm not sure," I say, trying to be honest.

The young man frowns, but I can feel it's not directed at me. "Well, I think we're making progress. Judging from brain scans alone, I think you're on the path to recovery." He places his hand over mine. "What do you think? Do you want to continue the sessions? I know that for some, reliving certain memories can be painful."

I look the young lab technician in the eyes. His eyes remind me of my husband's. My husband, James.

This time the memory of our first date comes back to me, like a gentle wave. Merlot, roast chicken and garlic vegetables, a black peacoat, a fit man in his twenties. I remember who he is, who I am, again.

"Yes, I'd like to keep going."

marriage
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About the Creator

Jeremy McLean

Jeremy is currently living in New Brunswick, Canada, with his wife Heather and their two cats Navi and Thor.

Check out his novels at www.mcleansnovels.com

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