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A Rant on Sexuality

We Are Real

By Kyli SettlesPublished 5 years ago 5 min read
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We deserve to exist

Am I invisible? I'm judged by my sexuality, ignorant assumptions. By friends, by family.

"You haven't been with enough girls."

"You're going through a phase."

"Experimentation is fine."

"You shouldn't say you're something when you may not be."

"You could change your mind."

"I'm more bisexual than you are."

"How do you know?"

Stop BI-ERASURE. When I say that I am bisexual, I mean it. I've known that I am attracted to males and females, ever since I was a little kid. I was afraid to tell anyone, because I knew I'd be written off. My family was also very religious, so any homosexuality was one of the worst sins out there. I was going to go to hell if I was what I knew I am. So I hid. I didn't say a word. I fought the feelings for years. I even denied my attraction to females to my friends, out of fear. I never acted on it. Until one night, I finally gave in. I kissed my friend. Sure, I had been drinking, but that somehow gave me the courage to go for it. For the first time in my life, I felt relief, because I finally accepted it. I still hid it from my family. They still wouldn't understand. But some of my friends knew now. Hell, even my boyfriend at the time knew, because I admitted that I had kissed her... a lot. He was fine with it, because "it's hot" and, of course, "it's not really cheating if it's a girl."

Honestly, I was't going to argue with him, because I wanted to continue to explore this freedom that I'd never felt before. That boyfriend and I split and I was absolutely heartbroken. But, that friend... she was there for me. And one night, we finally went all the way. It was different than what I'd become used to, with men. But it was amazing. I was finally free. And from that point on, I didn't care who knew. I came out to my mom first and in the most simple way possible... We were talking one day and I just asked, "You know I like girls too, right?" She told me that she didn't know for sure, but always had an inkling. Then I told my little sister, who beat me to it before I could even get the words out. "I have something to tell you and I don't want you to judge me and you have to promise not to tell Dad or the boys."

"Can I guess before you say anything?"

"Um, sure?"

"You're Bi."

And I was a little baffled that she already knew. A few days later, I found out that my little brother already knew too. So I decided not to say anything to my dad or other little brother. They probably already know. And even if they don't, they're the only ones I'm scared of telling.

So far, everyone has been very accepting of it. Other than my step-father, he's apprehensive. He's not un-accepting, he just doesn't understand. He's the worst with the bi-erasure. "It could be a phase. You could change your mind. I wouldn't go advertising something that may not be true." I've accepted that that's just ignorance and he was raised during a time where that was the understanding of bisexuality. Before the truths were revealed. It's real. See, I can accept his ignorance to the subject, because he doesn't know any better. That was how and when he was raised. BUT, when people KNOW better. They know everything we know. They are living and raised in this time of understanding of the LGBTQ+ community... yet they STILL are ignorant... that's what gets under my skin. How dare you? How is it that it's 100% acceptable to know that you're straight from birth, but it's unacceptable or hard to believe that you're gay, bi, or trans from birth?! How does that make sense? Straight is a sexuality. Gay/Lesbian is a sexuality. Bisexual IS a legitimate sexuality. Why is it so hard to accept/believe that to be true? How is it that "God" created us in his own image and loves everyone, even the sinners, but somehow... if you're anything but straight, you're automatically going to hell?

The friends I have that compare notes on how many men vs. women we've slept with... then tell me that I can't know if I'm bisexual unless I sleep with more women... Why? So, that must mean that you can't possibly be bisexual because you haven't slept with enough men... right? THAT'S BULLSHIT. Yes, I have slept with 2 men and 1 woman... who the fuck cares? I still know who I am in my sexuality. Just because you're insecure about who you are, doesn't mean that you should put me down or write off what I identify as. Don't compare notes. Don't be ignorant.

And the biggest question we receive is... how do you know? What, you think that one day I just had this wave of gayness wash over me and BAM, I knew I was bi? Or that there was a woman/man to cross my path and BOOM, now I'm Bi? No. I've known. It's who I've always been. It's just that I've never allowed myself to accept it or had the courage to declare the fact that my sexuality is different from the acceptable. We're in an era where people are finally beginning to understand and learn. They're willing to accept the different. They're opening themselves up to accepting their own sexualities. We have more social influencers that have come out and show us that it's possible. They show us how to handle the hate, the ignorance, and the new. They help us learn how to express ourselves as who we are, without being afraid. And they help us understand that we are human too, we're not some sort of hell-bound, horrible person. We're beautiful too. We can be free too.

There is too much hatred in the world for things that are different. There are things that are simply right or wrong out there, but there's a lot of grey areas too. It all depends on perspective and understanding. Educate yourself. Don't speak without knowing what you're talking about. Don't judge another for being who they are. Spread love, not hate. Embrace the rainbow and colors of the world. Bisexuals are real. My sexuality is reality. If you cannot handle that, then I don't need you in my life—and you shouldn't accept it too.

lgbtq
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