A Moment Inside the Mind of a Guarded Woman 💪🏻🧠💔

Being a guarded woman means you have strength, it means seeing all things clearly, it is having a free spirit. It means having the ability to love harder than anyone can ever know... but in reality it also comes with this huge toll.

When it comes down to it, we live our lives in the moment. Part of the reason why we do this is because we are free spirits and want to enjoy the happy moments in life, always be present... which is true, but the main reason that we live in the moment is because we are constantly living in fear... a common fear that a lot of people have, which is never finding love.

You know the kind I’m talking about: the kind between a man and woman, the kind that we have been brainwashed our whole lives to believe exists, the kind that at some point in our lives we come to understand does NOT exist, but we still long for our version of it... whether it’s a played down but yet still wonderful version, like the story of Pam and Jim from The Office, or a version we don’t know of yet because it hasn’t happened. But we still have a trace of light in our hearts, which is the dimmed hope that some version of it will come to us someday...

So I started thinking to myself, all I have is my family, friends, my dog and my daughter. I say “all,” and shouldn’t that be enough?? But I guess not. So I started thinking more... Why do I feel this way, why haven’t I found it?? This was after coming home from the most amazing festival, the beloved harvest fest! 💚💙💜❤️

I was suffering from severe after-harvest blues when I came up with this theory... I thought I was single because there was no one good enough out there, which was partially true, but it’s mainly because of the fear. Such a powerful thing, and I had created it myself, inside my mind through all my experiences and my reactions to them... I’ve been hurt, so I don’t let people in, my guarded behaviour certainly doesn’t invite people in, so they can see past the guardedness and learn why I am this way, and to also see the beauty that lies beneath.

However, I am scared to let anyone see that part of me because you can’t trust anyone with this vulnerable part of you, which is just another fear...

Continuously adding to my guardedness creates a wall; this wall makes it so that I can’t find anyone, which works out for me because I’m also terrified of finding someone and losing them again. It’s all just one horrible circle of fear... and in some way, everyone has it. It’s stopping me from finding this love that I crave. Therefore I live in the moment, so that life doesn’t seem so dull, because I am revelling in each small moment of happiness. Only allowing that one emotion because all the other emotions are so frightening. So, I continue doing all this instead of allowing myself to find what I’m looking for... If I could only find a way to put this into a small enough amount of words that it would allow some people to see past a small part of the wall, so they don’t feel like I’m blocking them from coming in but just using it as a screening process... would this truly help?? I guess we will find out, for I believe you have to know, accept, and love yourself before someone else can. I hope this breakthrough does just that...

I hope this helps anyone who has a mind like mine. Cheers to the fellow guarded woman 🥂✌🏻💪🏻🧠💔🤞🏼