A Modern-day Alpha male life

I first started watching Aaron's videos when I was in year 9, so when I was 12/13. At this time in my life, there was an array of negativity in my life.

Without delving too far into the details, I pretty much had an absent father growing up. He didn't show up at the hospital for my birth, he didn't show up when it was his weekend to have me, he wasn't there.

Now, this is the cliché bit, but (and my reference guide here is movies so hold back on the 'shut up') but who teaches a boy how to shave? Or to tie a tie? Polish their school shoes? Deal with facial hair? Grooming down below?

My mum did her best bless her, but she had to work a lot back then to support us after the split, not to mention pay off all the debt my father rang up under her name behind her back in order to fuel his lavish lifestyle.

Besides, I was incredibly shy, reserved and riddled with anxiety at that age, so I wouldn't bring up these personal things and bless her my mum was so exhausted from everything she didn't know to look past my fake smiles and 'I'm fine'. So I NEVER brought up any 'bodily' or 'personal' issue I had.

By the time I reached 15, this left me with a multitude of 'personal' issues, that frankly, were mounting up in the dozens and started holding me back from everyday things like doing P.E or hanging out with mates after school, even turning up to school. This did a massive number on my mental health and confidence which took years to undo.

So for my 15th birthday, I got a laptop and everything changed. Prior to this, there was a computer downstairs but I knew my mum monitored browser history as she also used it for her work. So it wasn't until I had that 'privacy' of my own personal device that I felt safe enough to start typing my problems into the internet.

Oh, how yahoo answers had my back in those days. Yet it was YouTube that covered me on all sides, and more specifically Alpha M.

I can't remember the exact first video of his that I watched, but It was something undoubtedly weight-related, as at the time I was yoyoing with the podge. So the internet seemed like a great place to voice my 1st world problem. Maybe it was this one below?

So from his videos, I learnt how to shave, style my hair, polish my shoes, dress for my size, groom... Plus a bunch of other random things like which way to roll up my shirt sleeves, how to groom my eyebrows, how to talk to girls, or what type of shoe looks best with what type of trouser.

Generally speaking, his videos had me covered for everything grooming and style-related, and especially for the more 'private' stuff that never really got spoken about.

Why he's my favourite YouTuber probably comes down to his content, style, his forward, witty, straight to the point no sugarcoating attitude, and how he's actually open about himself, and his emotions. Plus back then me and my mates never swapped styling tips or grooming hacks, and as far as I'm aware other groups of friends in our school didn't. Perhaps that's just how boys were at that age? I never really witnessed any adult men I knew growing up swapping tips or making comments on the stuff of what a fellow man was wearing, except to take the piss of course.

So as a result of this lack of light on the topic of style, I relied heavily on Aaron's tip videos to know if how I was wearing stuff was the 'correct' way.

Also why he's my favourite is because the topics he touched like sexuality and 'metrosexuality' just hit home hard as at that point in my life I was told caring about how I looked or smelt meant I must be gay, and for a while, I actually believed that.

It didn't take long for sense to kick in, and I soon realised I cared so much about my appearance because it was the one thing about my life at that age I could control.

I wanted, I needed to take control of how I looked, and take comfort from the decisions I made, in feeling tidy and organised, so as to distract from the surrounding disorganisation. The one thing I could truly control at that point in time, was my appearance. Yet people always made assumptions about me because of that.

His videos also never failed to get into the grit of things about grooming, or busting those myths like stuffing socks in your underwear to impress girls, or just straight up being honest about what doesn't look good. I always appreciated his straight-up approach.

Mostly why he's my favourite is because of how even despite people commenting calling him gay all the time, he never stopped being himself, never changed, and pushed back on that topic in a respectful way. Seeing that taught me to react in that situation in the same way.

I can't get enough of his content because well, metrosexuality has really grown a lot in recent years. It's that popularity, and newfound security with it that has created this friendly environment amongst men that allows for lads in passing to compliment and ask for the brand name of another man's fragrance because he smells nice, without being called a bender and getting punched. It's also what has given a lot of men that freedom and security to explore and experiment with themselves in ways that were taboo before. Christ, I remember a kid in school who had copper highlights, and he got ripped into by everyone, went home early and the next day they were gone. Yet now, at least here in the UK, more often than not most men around my age and younger have had their hair dyed blonde, or silver, or coloured something like that. It's an accepted, 'trendy' thing now.

As I started to get older, it wasn't just the grooming and style videos that kept me going back to Aaron for more, but it was also the lifestyle and 'how to live your life' or 'how to be a gentleman' side of things.

Going back to my later teen years now, I struggled with self-assurance, confidence, individuality and a whole lot of other things. His videos helped me identify what traits I like in people, and what I'd like to be like myself, and it was from his 'YouTube channel blueprint' that I built upon, and extended on, to who I am today. His forward, friendly advice that came out of his videos helped me to come to terms with myself, helped me form habits and behaviours that make me feel good about myself, and it's from these feelings of self-assurance where the root of my confidence sprouts from.

Approaching my early twenties now, at University I started meeting all types of new people, from all walks of life. As such I started becoming more conscious about how people 'see me', but not the physical me with all these style and grooming hacks, but how they 'see' my personality. It was this change in me that changed the dynamic of how I watched Aaron's videos, and what I took home from them.

Up until that point I never really cared for the whole 'Alpha' thing, I just thought that was an American guy thing, I just wanted to look good, and as such feel good.

In the present, I still watch him so to stay in the know-how about the trendy ways to style my beard, and how to wear skinny jeans, or what protein is best for me, but I mainly go back for the modern 'alpha' male tips from his channel.

For men, it's a common, almost primitive desire to be the 'Alpha', to be on top. Most men, especially heterosexual, do not want to be seen as submissive (in public anyway) and want to be seen as masculine. It plays into the whole 'men don't cry' and that whole societal stance towards men repressing their emotions, which feeds into toxic masculinity which as we know, sadly can lead to increased chances of suicide in men.

This is a particularly toxic problem here in the UK as that wartime 'stiff upper lip' and 'British resilience' still gets thrown into the mix, even after 75 years! Which sadly has created a generation-spanning problem of men unable and unaware as to how to express their emotions and their struggles.

There's a saying that I came across years ago, I have no idea who coined it, or where it originates but it goes;

"Hurt people, hurt people"

It makes me wonder if it was more accepted for men to express their struggles in society without fear of persecution, or told to 'man up', or having their masculinity and sexuality questioned. The stuff that makes men feel less manly, and insecure about themselves. Then maybe, these hurt individuals would be less likely to persecute others? but that's a whole different topic. When I was down I didn't drag others down with me.

Maybe it's just a question of the individual or their upbringing? Regardless, two wrongs don't make a right. This whole vicious cycle of hurt and hurting in our society really has to stop.

The Modern-day Alpha male way:

Being a modern alpha is not a toxic male obsession like you might be thinking. It's about being kind, inclusive to all. Showing respect, and demanding it back. It's about feeling strong and safe enough with yourself that you don't have to put others down to 'bring yourself up'. It's about opening yourself up and the progression into being the modern alpha that society actually wants, and if I'm frank, needs.

I myself like to feel like a 'Modern Alpha', it just makes me feel good about myself, and I like to think that's what people think when they see me. Not because I shy away from my emotions, or because I'm aggressive or dominant, or because I'm British reserved through and through, but because I want the world to see me as to how I see myself on the inside. A Kind, Caring, Emotional, Intelligent, Strong, Respectful, Man. Sod what I was taught from a child, I can be both strong and emotionally open at the same time. Sadly this isn't a shared stance amongst me and my fellow man, but just as men dying their hair silver and blonde wasn't a 'shared stance' 10 years ago, time really does change attitudes.

When in a room with someone, how I'd like to be perceived is as 'strong, nice, and someone I'd turn to for advice or help', its these thoughts of how I want to perceived, as a modern-day Alpha, that makes me feel warm, strong, and secure with myself.

I don't want to be defined by who I like to shag, my race, my beliefs, where I'm from, my income, my social class. I want to be defined by what I am on the inside. Yet I want all of that without compromising my morals and beliefs on how to treat people. Which is why AlphaM's modern Alpha way has kept me captivated, for nearly 10 years now.

How the modern 'Alpha' views it is if you have to be rude, or disrespectful or hateful, or anything negative towards someone in order to feel better about yourself, then sadly its a temporary, delusional state of 'betterment' and not something you should be interested in.

There's a simple set of traits to hold yourself to that AlphaM mentions a lot in his videos and its these points that Modern Alphas adopt that differentiates a 'Modern Alpha' from that stereotypical Alpha image we all have. You know, that gym fit guy who treats women like dirt, leader of the pack, hates everyone who differs from him, walks around like he owns the world and generally is an oaf to everyone. That might have been the 'way' in the past, but our society is growing up and changing.

Emotionally repressed men who treat everyone like dirt because on the inside they can't come to terms with the emotional broth they've got brewing inside, are frankly, not genuine and are dated.

That's the appeal of Aaron's channel, the modern, progressive, stylish, funny, honest, entertaining spin on the issues that many men face privately.

The present:

Nowadays, I feel good about myself and how I interact with the world around me. I'm not perfect by any means, and there's still progress to be made. Unlocking the modern-day Alpha in me is helping me achieve my goals in pursuing a career in conservation. I have Aaron's videos of advice to thank for that, so that's why he's my favourite YouTuber, and why I’ll be going back to him for tips and advice for the foreseeable future.

Thank you mate, you're amazing.