A marriage that doesn't fight or divorce

01 A marriage that doesn't fight or divorce

There is a popular saying on the internet: the extent to which a woman nags you is the depth of her love for you.

When a woman stops nagging you and becomes silent, the chances are that she no longer loves you or is discontented and frustrated with you.

The Italian writer Alberto Moravia, in his novel "Despicable Me", says The Italian writer Alberto Moravia wrote a story in his novel "Despise" in which

The hero, Mortini, and his wife, Emilia, are happily married for the first two years of their lives.

Emilia works as a typist and Morteney is a writer of words.

They have a small income and live in a rented apartment, but they are a loving couple who never argue.

Emilia longed for a house of her own and Mortaini worked hard to earn money for it, finally getting enough for a down payment on a house and buying her new one.

The couple's relationship grows colder and colder than they thought it would.

Mortaini doesn't understand what is wrong with his wife, who would rather find an excuse to dine at his mother-in-law's house than refuse to have dinner with him.

He tried to get close to her but was refused, and when he repeatedly asked her what was wrong and what he had done wrong, she would not tell him.

The two did not fight or divorce, but the happiness and prosperity they once had was gone.

02 Silence is a loss that cannot be concealed

There is a saying by Zhang Xiao Xian: Silence is a loss that cannot be concealed.

This quote is the state of mind of Emilia, the wife in Contempt.

At first she is a very virtuous woman who thoughtfully prepares hot water biscuits for her husband and cleans his desk when Mortaini is writing.

She prepared three meals a day for her husband and treated him with tenderness and love in her eyes.

Things have changed since her husband, Morteney, met Battista and became a film scriptwriter.

Batista drove the couple to their home for dinner, but unfortunately there was only one seat available in the car other than the driver's. Batista asked Emilia directly to get in, so that Mortaini could take a taxi to his home. Emilia was reluctant, she did not want to ride with this strange man, she looked at her husband for help, but he chose to ignore her and left her, leaving Emilia to her embarrassment.

It was this seemingly minor incident that caused Emilia to become disillusioned with Mortaini, and she was unable to speak of her state of mind, only silent, hiding her inner emotions.

In fact, her husband Mortaini's thoughts were simple: Batista was his moneymaker and boss, he wrote scripts for his boss, and with good earnings, writing four or five screenplays, he could make enough money to pay off his mortgage.

As a man, Mortaini needed this work and income, so he did almost anything Batista told him to do.

This is like a real-life, beatnik worker who folds for five buckets of rice.

But the relationship between husband and wife takes a subtle turn in this situation of being stuck for money.

Emilia is ultimately disappointed with her husband, and her introverted nature dictates that she would rather keep her words to herself than tell him.

Silence is the best expression of this.

On the one hand, she blames her husband for being weak and allowing other men to be overly passionate about her, and he does nothing about it.

On the other hand, she was helpless, knowing that the family's mortgage needed a large sum of money, which she could not earn as a typist.

That's roughly what it's like to be a poor couple.

So, since she could not accuse her husband bitterly, she simply remained silent.

The wife's silence naturally does not trigger the husband's reflection and warning.

The cracks in the marriage spread little by little.

If you pay close attention, you will find that the story told by Alberto in "Despise" is really happening all around us.

03 When indifference lasts, the heart grows cold

A while ago, my middle school friend messaged me.

She has been married for 7 years, her child is 4 years old and she is planning to divorce.

The best friend said her husband and herself are both working class, usually busy with their own, communication is very little.

I thought we could get by with this, but I didn't expect her husband to ignore her when she was sick in bed, and to play on his mobile phone after work.

When she was thirsty for water, she shouted several times, but her husband just said "mmmm", but he didn't show up.

Finally, her young daughter brought her a glass of cold water.

When her best friend couldn't stand it anymore, she argued with her husband.

As a result, her husband twisted around and went into the study, locked the door and continued to play on his mobile phone, paying no attention to her emotions and disappointment.

The child later got hungry and yelled for dinner, but her husband ignored her and closed the door.

This incident reminded my best friend of many similar scenes in marriage.

Although my husband is not a big evil person and has not made any bottom-line mistakes, his indifference to his wife and children has finally cooled my best friend's heart.

The best friend had also quarreled and fought, but her husband did not go beyond a few copious words of comfort.

I wanted to advise my best friend to calm down and not to divorce impulsively.

Later I dismissed the idea, the heart does not become cold at once, because the other side is cold more, the heart is completely cold.

The same is true of Emilia, the heroine of Despise.

Alberto devotes a lot of ink to the psychological activities of his husband, Mortaini, as he speculates on why his wife has suddenly become cold towards him.

It also occurs to him that it could be his own problem; unfortunately, he only thinks about it and he does not do anything to change it.

Emilia didn't want to go to the Batista's for the dinner, so he soft-pedalled her and forced her to agree and go with him.

He even felt that Emilia, a woman from the countryside with no diploma, should be content to follow him to his new house, so why should she complain?

So time and again he refused to communicate with his wife, to ask her properly what was going on and what he needed to do.

His self-righteousness and indifference have made his wife Emilia's heart grow cold and hard.

04 A good marriage is one that is cherished

Alberto Moravia The reason why Moravia named this novel "Despise" is that Emilia and Mortellini, a couple who lack communication, have a hard time with each other and end up despising each other and their marriage breaks up.

The wife despises her husband for his weakness and incompetence, for knowingly or unknowingly acquiescing, even forcing her to accept the passions and advances of another man for the sake of a few pieces of silver, so that she ends up becoming someone else's mistress.

The husband, on the other hand, also despises his wife, who he thinks is just a woman from a small, poor family, uneducated and only able to work as a typist, and who has followed him into a good life, so why does she not know how to be contented and give herself looks?

In Alberto Moravia's view, such a woman was a poor woman. In Alberto Moravia's opinion, there are many such couples in Italy.

They were once in love, but they lost out in the trials and tribulations of life.

The reason for this is simply that hearts are cold and relationships are fragile.

There are many problems in a marriage, the biggest of which are not arguments or divorce, but the growing indifference between husband and wife, when people who should be close to each other become strangers.

According to American psychologist Dr. John Behrman, 95% of marriages are not in a good condition. Dr John Behrman states that 95% of marriages can be remedied and that a couple's relationship must not stop at doing things, but rather maintain positive interaction and connection and increase intimacy.

In marriage it is important to see the emotional ups and downs of the other partner, to understand the psychological needs of the other partner, to communicate positively with words, to express yourself and to listen to each other.

Even if you despise the other person, you may want to tell them honestly.

Love needs to be expressed, and so do negative emotions.

Silence and avoiding problems will only consume the love and leave it in vain.

Like the ending of the novel Despise, the husband, Morteney, watches as his wife gets into Battista's car and leaves him.

He is left with an empty stomach full of longing and remorse, but no one to talk to about it.

After his wife died in the accident, he could only recreate the scene of their reconciliation in his dreams, waking up with tears and a sense of sadness.

And all this could have been avoided.

Alberto Moravia Alberto Moravia is known as the "Italian Lu Xun", a writer of great realism whose work is not without its satirical edge.

Through his stories, I am reminded of a quote by Wang Xiaobo: "I give you my whole soul, with all its quirks, its petty temper, its flashes of light and darkness, its 800 previous bad habits. It's so nasty, only one thing good, loving you."

We need to learn to run our marriages and to see each other's emotions.

Behind the silence is resentment, what is needed is love and care.

Arguing is not about separating, it's about being better together.

Marriage is not easy and I hope that everyone who loves each other will cherish it.