A Love More Ordinary

by Paige Graffunder about a year ago in love

How the Everyday Becomes Extraordinary

A Love More Ordinary

We are over saturated with love stories where there are grand romantic gestures and epic sacrifices. I don't remember the last time I read a love story where love developed organically, slowly, over time, between friends, and instead of huge romantic gestures, and life and death sacrifices, talked about the safe feeling that comes from knowing you have someone who understands you. Actually let me amend that. There is one book that has done that, that I have read in the last few years. It was The Long Way To A Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers. Though not a "love story" specifically, there is a love that develops there organically through friendship and is not demonstrated through grand gestures but in simple sentences and support. The fact that it is queer love, makes it better for me of course.

If you are interested in reading the book, here is the link to it on Amazon, if you are a Kindle Unlimited member it is available for free: http://a.co/d/4ZcgN0X

Now please don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with dramatic kisses in the rain, or flower filled apartments. What I am saying is that not all love looks like that. Most of the time, love is doing the dishes after someone cooks. Love is stroking someone's hair when they had a long day, or laughing until you're red in the face about something ridiculous. Love is being comfortable in silence, and sharing in conversations. Love is saying exactly how you feel, it's ugly socks, and too big sweaters. Love is hot chocolate, and arguments. Love is switching laundry. Why have we forgotten the comforts of ordinary love?

Love is support, both given and received. Love is speaking and being heard. Love is shutting up and listening. Love is sympathy, empathy, and compassion. Love is depending on each other, taking care of each other, with no disparity in weight. Love is holding back hair when your partner is throwing up. Love is small smiles when you catch each other's eye. Love is staying in on a Friday. I have never felt love like I have felt in the morning, when I am awake and they are asleep. Watching them breathe, seeing them make the long trek to wakefulness, and when they get there, reaching for me.

Love is arguing about electric bills, and who's family gets what holidays this year. Love is signing cards with two names. Love is road trips, and bottles of wine. Love is speaking in looks and gestures. The grandest love I have ever known has come in whispers, gently. The tide rolling over parched ground. Love is handing the remote over. Love is asking someone how their heart is. Love is a hug, and flowers on a Wednesday. Love is watching someone do their hair, brush their teeth, pull on a hoodie. Love is making the bed. Love is scooping cat boxes and putting away dishes.

Love like a song is nice, but I want a love less dramatic. I want a love full of normal things shared between people. I want sports matches and concerts, but I also want take out and beer that comes in cans. Fill me up with ordinary. Comfort me with the familiar. Love me with normality. Touch me with weekend plans. Feel me with favorite records. Talk to me about your passions, hear me when I speak about mine. Kiss my scars. Kiss my stretch marks. Tell me you love me when everything isn't urgent. Show me you love me with a brush of your fingers as I walk by. I don't need to be made from magic to the world. I just need to be as magic to you as you are to me. Value me for the things I do and say, as I will value you.

Love me in an ordinary way. And you will find a love deeper than any ocean. More vast than any sky. Give me reading before bed, and you will find a lover more intense than any you've ever seen. Love is not fairy tale, nothing in this life is ever simple, but the way we love each other can be. That's all I ever wanted.

Paige Graffunder
Paige Graffunder
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Paige Graffunder

Paige is an administrative and HR professional in Seattle, as well as a contributor to several local publications around the city, focused on politics, business, satire, and internet sub-culture.

See all posts by Paige Graffunder