A Love Life Of Somebody With A Desire Of Long-Term.

After having my first love last more than a year, I've had a mindset that commitment is the key to relationships. Although, I thought that it was ALWAYS commitment.

My first relationship was slow-paced and relaxed. We were strong, and I felt that we had something other couples didn't: dedication to each other. We broke up a few months after our first anniversary, and when I looked back at our relationship, there was something I wanted. I desired to be with someone who I can have a long-term relationship with.

A few months pass, and I found a guy who dm'ed me in Instagram, shooting his shot. We were talking at that time, and we spent days and nights texting each other. It felt so good to think I finally found someone after all those months, and I thought he was the "one". We went out a few weeks later and even met up with each other since we lived in the same city. He was the sweetest, and nobody could've told me otherwise. But, from then on, everything just went south, and I let myself get dragged down.

He turned toxic, only wanting to see me when he wanted "something". When we fought, he'd turn everything around on me as if it was my fault. So, I took action and broke up with him. A week passed, and he hits me with the "I miss you.." text. My naive self let him get away with it, and we got back together. It wasn't the same as our first time dating, and we knew it. Then, he went back to his toxic ways again, causing me to cut him off for the second time.

But, that's not the end of it all. Our soon on and off relationship turned unhealthy, and I had to take therapy because of it. This lasted for 7 months. What kept me staying was his guilt trip, him always giving reasons for me to feel bad then come back to support him. We got back together so many times that I lost count of it. Until one day, I decided to take further action for me and my mental health. I blocked him, and I felt free. I also had a realization: another one of my reasons was because I was so fixated to the word "commitment" that I blinded myself from the qualities that a relationship should have. I shouldn't have let myself get taken advantage of just because I desperately wanted to have something that lasted long. It may have lasted, but the connection didn't.

But now with the support around my friends, I am aware of what I deserve. The lesson is, desperation just leads to something less than what I want, and sometimes even worse. Just change your mindset, and the rest is history.