It took me a few minutes to realize that I was gripping my phone a little too tight, was I nervous? YES! Did I want to talk to him? YES! was I scared? to Death. I wanted nothing more than to talk to him. My phone started to ring and I looked at the screen and saw that it was really Chris calling me. After a few rings, I picked it up and held it to my ear. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. I don't remember being this nervous before but I think it's because of the distance I took from him after everything that happened.
~Phone call~
"Hello" I bit my lip and waited for a response. it seemed like a lifetime before I heard a response.
"Hey Ce" I don't know why but hearing him call me by my old name got me blushing.
"uh, Hey" Kind of feeling embarrassed by the situation I added, "sorry, I don't really know what to say."
"That's okay, I'm just glad that you agreed to the call. I just really wanted to hear your voice." He sounded very relieved and sad at the same time.
"Why?" was my smart reply to what he just said. I was a little happy to hear that he wanted to talk to me too.
"Well, you and I have a long history, and" I cut him off feeling a little hurt at that.
"Yes, we do...a long painful and ugly one." I will admit it felt good to finally say it out loud.
"Is your phone plugged in?" he asked after a minute of silence.
"Yes, it is" I responded not really thinking much of it.
"Can you stay on the phone with me? like how we use to?" I felt butterflies as he asked me that question. I didn't know what to think about it.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Chris. What about Marissa? I don't need her drama" I breathed out and felt a little disappointed in myself for letting the past seep back in, especially when I was trying to start fresh.
"Please, I just really need to know that your still there. We don't even have to talk, I just, I really need my best friend." I looked at the mirror and saw myself and sighed out hoping that everything was going to be okay this time around.
"Okay, but I'm going to head to bed now. I won't hang up." I told him as I settled myself in and turned my lights off.
I hear him getting settled in as well. I looked at my window and saw that he shut his lights off as well. I then hear the light sound of music on his side. I wanted to bring it up but didn't. He used to do that all the time, play music to help me fall asleep. I didn't know that he still did it.
"Goodnight Ce." I hear him whisper but I didn't respond and just pretended to be asleep, all the things going on right now just made my mind go back to when we first started high school.
~FRESHMAN YEAR~
"Look, Chris, I know how nervous you are but YOU will be fine. I just wish Talia could be with me." I look towards my two best friends and give a sour look. "Am I not enough for you?" Chris speaks up and comes to sit next to me and takes my hand in his and places them in his lap. "It's not the same. You are trying out for the football team and I have no athletic bone in my body. Girls will be lining up to be with you and you'll forget all about me." I say looking down at our intertwined hands, "Cecilia. I'll be with you guys next year and I'm sure you'll make a bunch of friends in no time. You are too sweet to be left alone." I look at her with a pout, "But girls don't like me." I say with a whisper. "That's because you got Chris here, following you around and everything." I look at Chris this time and smile as he squeezes my hand giving me comfort. "Okay," I say and lay my head on Chris's shoulder and feel a little bit better about our first day tomorrow.
Waking up at 5 in the morning just to get ready for school kind of sucks. But I pull myself out of bed and start my shower. Just as I get out and into my room my cell starts ringing. I look at it before answering.
"Hello, you reached the new and improved," I answered feeling a little light from the nerves. "So beautiful. Are you ready for school?" I hear Chris ask and he sounds really excited. Just as I finished putting my uniform on and paired with a black leather jacket I answer, "Yup, coming out now." I say as I walked out of my house and see him waiting for me, he holds his hand out for me to take just as I hang up. I put my hand in his and he intertwines our fingers as we walk towards the bus stop. "You nervous?" He asks and I just nod as I hear our moms yell for us. We turn and look back "Have a good day." my mom yells and waves, "Take care of our girl Chris." I hear his mom yell and point to him and I just smile. "I will!" He yells back and raises our intertwined hands up to wave at them. We see our moms look at each other with a knowing smile and with that we turn back and start walking again. The silence between us comforting and secure, as we reach the bus stop I see a bunch of other students waiting, and as we reach I stop as Chris steps in and greets most of the guys there. I get in and just stand in the back, blending with no one in particular. I take that time to watch Chris interact with everyone there, you can tell he is going to have no trouble fitting in. I get this feeling like a pit in my stomach and I don't like the way it settles but when I look up at Chris again I see his smile has grown even larger and I know that this is the start. He and I are going to drift apart and I have no choice but to be okay with it. As long as it makes him happy, I will be okay with it.
The bus finally pulling up I wait until everyone is on first and I get on last. As I walk by the seats I don't pay attention to anyone or anything until I reach an empty seat. I set my bag down near my feet and look up to see Chris sitting a couple of seats in front of me but I have this feeling of unpleasantness when I see that he is sitting with a girl. Too busy in an upsetting mood, I didn't realize that Chris's brother Kai comes and sits next to me. That was until he speaks up, "Why don't you just date already?" I look at him a little startled, "Hey Kai." I say with a little blush because he saw me gawking at his brother. "You have a little green monster." I hear him say and I look at him in disbelief. "I do not!" I say as I smack his arm a little. "It's okay, Chris has one too. he has been staring at us since he saw me sit down." I try not to look but a quick glance has me seeing the truth in his words. "Why would he, he's sitting with another girl already," I say a little jealous. "I'll prove it. you mean more to Chris than any girl ever would. he just won't admit it. which makes him stupid as shit because you will have many suitors." I laugh a little at what he said, "Suitors?" he just nods and gets up with a wink, and this time I shake my head while smiling. Just as I turn to the window I feel someone sit next to me, thinking it was Kai I turn to say something but see someone else. I look toward Chris and see that his lips are latched onto the girl but his eyes look at me and he pulls away. So I look toward the stranger, "Hey." I smile a little and look into his hazel green eyes. "Hi," I say. He puts his hand out to shake and I take it. " Tanner. Freshman?" I nod and smile at him, "Cecilia" I say back, and just as he was about to say something Chris is near the seat, trying not to get seen by the driver. "You can let her go and get out," He says to Tanner.
I look at Chris this time and I see his fist is clenched as well as his jaw. "Hey, Chris. I was just introducing myself to this Beautiful girl you refuse to let anyone meet." I raise my eyebrows at that and look at him. "I said get out, Tanner." I feel a little tension building, "Chill, why do you care? I saw you making out with Marissa and Kai said she was single." This time I look at Kai as he just watched everything happen. "Tanner," I said and this got him agreeing. But not before he gave me his cell number, "Call me if you need ANYTHING." With that, he got out of the seat and went to sit near a laughing Kai. But he just looked in my direction and winked. I looked away as Chris got his bag and sat near me this time. "Ce, He is nothing but trouble. He isn't good for you." I looked out the window and answered, "What would you know about whats good for me?" as he just looked at me not answering. He grabbed my hand but I pulled away. "Ce, Please." I let him hold my hand but didn't look at him. He knew he hurt me. When we got to the high school Chris got up and let me out first, I didn't wait for him as I started walking to the office to get my class schedule. It didn't take him long to find me because he had to get his schedule as well. Once I got my schedule I started walking again this time Chris right behind me. I wanted to go hand in hand with him but I wouldn't give him that satisfaction. I shouldn't be mad though because we weren't together, I was pulled out of my thoughts when Chris finally had had enough and pulled me into him.
"Look, Chris, I won't stop you from being with her. As long as she doesn't break up our friendship." I say starting to feel a headache coming on. I Can't look up at him though because he would know that I was lying.
"Please look at me beautiful, I won't let anything come between us. I promise." I couldn't help myself, I looked up to meet his eyes, and just when I thought he was finally going to kiss me. She showed up but Tanner was also with her.
"Hello, you two. Chris. Beautiful." I looked into Tanner's eyes and smiled at him. "What's up," I said to the two. "We are your guy's school guide for the next two days. My name is Marissa and this is Tanner." She looked at Chris and gave him a wink and then to Tanner and gave him one as well all while ignoring me.
~End Memory~
I couldn't help but feel a little hurt at how easy I was to forget. I listened to his soft breaths on the phone and the music he was playing. Every emotion coming back up, Every little thing this boy had me feeling. All of it surfacing once again, I couldn't let myself do it again. I didn't want to hurt again. To put my heart out for him, even though he has always had it, at least some of it. He never let me take it back. But I know that it was because I didn't want to fully let him go. How could I? I was in love with this boy, he was my everything. The sound of his door opening and the music being turned off snapped me out of my trance. "Chris, are you awake?" I can hear Talia whisper, "Marissa won't stop calling me, she says your phone is busy and she can't reach you." I hear her distaste for the girl, which had me stifling my laughter so I wouldn't wake him. I hear some rustling on his side of the phone. "Hello?" I hear her answer and debate on whether I should answer. "Li?" I hear her surprised voice a little louder than usual. "Hey T" She gave a light gasp. "I was wondering why he was listening to music again." she gave a small chuckle, I can almost see her rolling her eyes. "He always listens to music to fall asleep, I guess you can say that it was my fault." I say not really thinking. "Li, He stopped when you guys drifted. He kind of refused to listen or pay any attention to it after you." I don't know how long we were silent on the phone but it wasn't an awkward silence. I can hear Talia trying to wake him up no doubt because her phone was going off due to his girlfriend. "Li? Do you think you can try to wake him up?" I was a bit surprised by her request. "Better yet, come over. Ill wait for you at the door." Without giving me time to respond she hung up and gave me no choice but to go to their house. I could just try to sleep and not go over to spare myself but I knew Talia would just come to my window and annoy me until I came over. So with that in mind, I just put on my jacket and shoes and head over.
It took me about two minutes to get to their front door and I see Talia already waiting for me. She Opens up and greets me with a hug which I gladly return, once we part we head toward Chris's bedroom. I don't know why but I am very nervous. Maybe its due to he and I not being near each other for an extended period of time unless it was necessary or forced. I walk in behind her and see that it has changed a lot, he is a lot neater. Not cleaner but more organized, I smile a little at how even his scent has changed slightly. It still smells like rain and something else I can't quite place but it would make any girl crazy about him. Talia pushes me lightly towards his bed silently urging me to wake him up. I know he is not a great person to wake up, he can be quite mean and grumpy. "Chris? Chris." I say in a whisper which he just grunt to in response. Then I nudge him softly, then a little harder but I get nothing. "Can you tell him that Marissa keeps calling and texting my cell? I need to sleep. You can sleep in my room when he wakes up." I look at her as my mouth drops open. "Talia, you can't leave me in here with him." "You'll be fine." With that she walks out and closes the door behind her. I look at my surroundings and can't help but think of how it's been so long. I know I shouldn't be in here, especially not while he sleeps. I feel like a creep, I walk slowly towards his bed and look down at him. He looks so peaceful and so different, I look and try to take in his features for as long as I can. God, I miss him. I know he doesn't think that way of me but I could wish that things were different and easy. So without thinking it through, I decided to get some answers. Since Chris blurts out the truth while he is asleep, or half asleep.
I slowly take a seat at the edge of his bed to his right, and gently shake him which I get a grunt as a response. "Why?" was all I could get out using my normal tone. "Hmm?" He tiredly answered. So I laid down right next to him and gently ran my fingertips lightly on his face. I watched his eyes flutter open but he failed to keep them open, I saw that he was aware of my presence. "You came back to me." He whispered through a smile. But it only broke my heart to see his smile. "Why did you do that to me? Why did you hurt me? Why did you choose her?" My voice cracking as tears escaped my eyes. I couldn't help myself, my hand having a mind of its own as I laid it on his face and felt his warmth. It bringing me a little bit of comfort, my thumb rubbing small circles on his cheek making us both smile and sigh. He took this time to wrap his arm around my waist and bring me closer, that small movement making me gasp. "It's always you and it will ALWAYS be you." With that being said he sighed once more then crashed his lips to my own. I was caught off guard and pulled away, I watched him lick and bite his bottom lip, "I've wanted to do that for such a long time now." I closed my eyes wishing that he was awake. I kissed him gently this time which he responded to without hesitation, but only pulled me in closer. "I love you." I heard him whisper and I bit my bottom lip as a response just to stop myself from saying anything. "I should go now Chris." I said while slowly getting out of his bed, he didn't take that very well though because he gripped my arm and pulled me back into his arms. "Please, stay with me. Don't leave me again." I couldn't say no, because I too wanted to stay. "okay." I couldn't say anything else. His arms warm and welcoming as they held me to him. So I jumped and put my arms around his neck, then I pulled his lips to my own. Our lips moving in sync, trying to win a battle that has been fought for a long time now.
His lips making me feel certain ways. His lips moving from mine and on to my neck, I didn't care that his kisses left my lips bruised and leaving marks on my neck for the world to see. Somehow his kisses set my whole being on fire. Places his lips have touched were now tingling and awakening something in me that even my ex whom I said I loved could not awaken. When he reached a certain spot on my neck, I could not hold it in, the moan that escaped my lips loud enough for his hand to cover my mouth. "Shh, No one will ever hear or see you this way, This is only for my eyes." I could only nod and whimper in response, He returned to my neck this time his lips were light and gently. Goosebumps forming on my arms a sign that my body is responding to many different things. What broke me was when he kissed the top of my breast then licked his way slowly back up to my neck, To stop the moan that threatened to escape my lips I took my bottom lip in and bit down. I must have bit down hard enough to draw blood but I didn't care about it. Things were getting heated and I knew it wouldn't be a good idea to go further. But my body had other plans, my hands going under his shirt and memorising every thing in it's path. The higher my hands go the further up his shirt went, before I could think about it I was taking his shirt off and throwing it to the corner of his room. The sleep dress that I was currently wearing, not making anything easy for me. Once our lips parted for much needed air, his mouth started leaving firery tails down my neck. I felt him bite my neck that earning a moan and a sharp pull of his hair which only excited the both of us more. A foreign feeling buzzing within me, my body and mind clouded and wanting more. It seemed like the both of us not knowing what we were doing but everything moving with a mind of it's own. I once again pulled his hair gently to guide his lips back to my own, only this time I took the pleasure in biting his bottom lip which I got a very husky moan for as his fingers dug into my thighs. That caused me to grind my lower half harder on his growing arousal, but I had to stop myself from doing anything else. So I pulled my lips from his and placed my forehead on his, both of us out of breath and just taking everything in. My eyes still closed I started to come down from my high. "Ce?" I didn't know that he had finally realized what was going on, making me feel like I was taking advantage of him. "Yes." I whispered, just enjoying his embrace. "Am I dreaming? you feel so real." I gasp when he moves his and up and down my sides, his hands still being under my dress and touching my skin leaving it on fire. I could only nod in response, "This can't be real." I can hear the disbelief in his voice and when I open my eyes, I see that I am looking down. "What?" I asked shocked that even now, it's all true. He could never want me the way he wants her, that's when it hit me. Marissa, I felt disgusted and repulsed with myself.
I could feel the tears forming in my eyes, but I didn't look up to meet his. That was when Talia walked in and saw the very complicated position. "Oh My God! I asked you to Wake him up not Sex him up." Chris had his eyes focused on his sister while asking, "This is real?" This time he focused his eyes on me. "Ce? I. um." But before he could say anthing his sister started to laugh and that made me feel more like a fool. "I need to get home." I said and got up and started walking out of his room, "Ce, wait! please." The sound of his voice had my body stopping on it's own accord, so I turned around slowly and bit my lip but winced at the little pain. I was still looking down at my feet when I noticed his coming closer. Before I could say anything he put his arms around me and held me close to his chest. "Things are different." Hearing him say that made me look up to his face, "I feel so... exposed." I put my hands on his sides and squeezed a little bit, trying to calm my heart. "Well, I am Happy. The happiest I've been in a long time." He put his hand on my face and gently caressed it, I couldn't help but lean into his touch. But only painful memories came rushing back., "I can't chris. I can't pretend that you didn't hurt me." I pushed myself gently away from him, he looked so sad when I said that and the fact that I pushed away. "Just give me a chance." He held my hand as he said that, I don't think he would have ever let go. I wished he never did, and I really wanted things to work out this time around. "Fine. Only one and only if we start from the beginning." His smile was wide and contagious, I couldnt help myself as I pulled him closer. Standing on my toes I pressed my lips to his, I could feel the smile on his lips and I couldn't help but love the fact that I was the reason. "Whatever you want, I will start from the very beginning. I promise. "In that case, Ill see you later." I turned to walk away but he just held on and pulled me to him to try and steal a kiss, I pulled away this time ignoring the feeling in my heart. "From the beginning, remember?" He just chuckled as I waved when I walked out the door.
~Hey all, thank you for sticking with me so far. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I will be posting soon enough.
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