A Letter to the Boy I'm About to Start Dating

Dear G,

I've known you for about two years and it only took us about a day of that time to fall in love. We were kept apart because I was in a relationship with someone else - someone who wouldn't let me leave.

I've wanted to love you for so long, but certain things always stopped us until now. You had a boyfriend, I was still very broken after my previous breakup, and it just wasn’t the right time for us. When I saw you at Leicester Pride on Saturday my heart burst. You came over to me and I'd had a lot to drink. I couldn't help myself so I just leaned over and kissed you. And you kissed me back. Everything fell into place around me.

I'm scared to love you. I haven't had good experiences in love. I've only had one boyfriend before. We dated for three years and he dragged me through hell. He wouldn't let me see my friends or my family because I had to make time for him. He used to hit me and then tell me it was my fault for making him angry - and that was his idea of an apology.

But he wasn't always like that. When our story started out he was funny, beautiful, and extremely caring. I almost didn't notice the change in him because it happened so slowly. I didn't want to leave him because he started out so nice. I once read somewhere that if you put a frog straight into boiling water it will jump out, but if you put a frog into warm water and then slowly heat it up the frog will stay there. That is the perfect metaphor for the situation I was in.

At this stage I have no way of telling if you'll be like that. And that frightens me so much. Right now you're so kind and gentle but in a few years time you might be a monster. Every beautiful moment I'm having with you right now might be tainted by the horrors of what you become. I know you aren't him, but I can't bring myself to hope you'll be different.

That being said,

I want to hold you again—I want to lay on the grass in the park feeling the alcohol bubble in my stomach as we giggle and look at each other. I'm so excited to meet your mother and your sisters and take note of how much they look like you. I love your laugh and how your eyes look so beautiful with or without glasses. I loved being held in your arms and I'm aching to be back with you. I want to show you off to all our friends and finally be able to say that you're mine. I want to lie with you in the darkness in the early hours and tell you all my hopes for the future. I can't wait until we get to that point in the relationship where I can finally call it love.

I've known you for two years—that's such a long time and we already have so many memories. I'm greedy and want more.

We're not dating yet, but it's inevitable. Sooner or later one of us is going to bite the bullet and ask the other one out. So please be understanding if you're the one to ask me out and I hesitate for a few moments before I give you my reply of "yes."

I want to be yours. Take care of yourself until I can take care of you.

Lots of Love,

Nathaniel