A Letter in Redemption.

If you’ve ever been on either side of a poor decision, the results of which were irreparable, keep reading. Hopefully, this will help you to heal, or to forgive yourself, or if the timing is right, even reconsider your actions. For those of you who don’t know me, this has been sanitized enough to protect our identities, and for those who do know me, please accept my openness, and forgive my vulnerability.

A Letter in Redemption - Of love and loss during Covid-19.

To the Wallace family,

Greetings. I hope you’re well and managing during these interesting times. My name is Omar, and I know your lovely daughter, Anna. I was fortunate enough to spend time with your other children as well, hopefully we’ll meet soon too.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Anna hasn’t told you, but for the past few weeks, she and I have been writing and speaking again, and have met twice, for just a few minutes each time. It wasn’t until this past Saturday that we had our first proper date.

Among the conversations we’ve had has been about families and friends, and the support we’ve given and received this last year. I’m reaching out to share some of the things we said, and some other things that I’ve been thinking about.

I have a daughter, her name is Lailah, she and I share a special relationship, probably not unlike most parents with their children. I remember one time, we were at a birthday party for a newly adopted Russian boy, the kids couldn’t have been more than 4 or 5.

They were running around the yard, and on scooters and tricycles, I was standing with some of the other parents maybe 100 feet or so from the driveway where the kids were riding. I was engaged in the usual small talk, when I noticed from the corner of my eye that my kiddy had gotten on a tricycle, and as I watched her pick up speed, I realized she hadn’t yet learned how to brake.

So I ran. And I caught up to her. And I fell to the ground just as she landed on top of me.

We both got scraped up pretty good, but I’ll never forgot the look of relief in her eyes once she realized what had just happened.

Seeing our children get hurt is painful, I know, and I’m so sorry that I hurt your Anna.

Since Anna and I met, we’ve shared a strong mutual admiration. And having been colleagues and friends at first, it was with this foundation that we built our relationship, and it was a strong one.

While I was falling in love with your daughter, it was different. Our styles and tastes, our mannerisms and appreciations are so similar, and our age difference, upbringings, and experiences just different enough to broaden our shared perspective. There were some things missing, I realize that now, but our two years together were at a different level of special than I knew.

It was our ending that was traumatic. And unfortunately, we didn’t stay close enough to know how much the other was hurting. I know now, and I’m so sorry that I hurt my Anna.

One often hears about relationships ending, but it’s what led to ours that I need you to consider. First, I have no excuse, I was raised better than to end things the way I did, my hope here is that you’ll forgive me, not that you’ll pretend that it never happened.

Some people find after time that they are incompatible, and other times, for one reason or another, they stop being in love. As humans we can feel these things coming, so mentally we can prepare for them.

Our ending was sudden, and I managed it poorly. You see, my father’s health had been deteriorating for some time, however, about a year ago, the pace of his decline became more rapid. I knew that my role in my family was about to change. And with that, so too would my responsibilities. We were more than half a year into Covid, times were already turbulent, and I made an awful decision, I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Anna.

Almost immediately afterwards, I realized that the one I needed most was the one that I let go.

This past year has played out similarly to what I expected, and although it has been painful at times, I’m grateful for the role that I got to fulfil; I adore my father and would do anything for my family.

In Anna’s absence, I’ve leaned on my mom some, she’s been warm and understanding and has provided me with the security I needed, selflessly really.

What I’ve known all along but just these days have realized is that I love Anna the same way I love my daughter and won’t think twice before sacrificing myself to protect her. And I love Anna the same way I love my father and will care for her with warmth and tenderness. And I love Anna the same way I love my mother, whose affection and kindness I’ve received from only one other woman, Anna you’ve always been so good to me, sweetheart.

The other night Anna said that if she ever met someone that loved her the way that she once loved me, she would never leave that person in a million years. I promise I’ll do everything to help her remember.

She also told me about her fear in having to confront so many people if she ever chose to come back. I feel that her main concern is you.

I can show Anna that I never stopped loving her and that my devotion to her rivals what hers once was towards me, and I think she’s open to it. She let me hold her hand the other night, it was just for a moment, but it was filled with hope.

I understand her fear and know that she needs to be cautious, that’s the price I have to pay and the efforts that I have to make; god willing, over time we can get there again. I hope that over time you can also forgive me, so that I can always love our Anna.

Truly,

Omar