A Glimpse of Liam

One day you wake up and it hits you, you’re at the same ole’ job, your partner left you five years ago, and your car’s about to take a shit.

Ultimately, this means that you found yourself trapped in The Grind.

You were probably too involved at work, drinking your days away, forgetting you had plans, and fixating on the small stuff.

But, it’s all small stuff, Bud.

You see, The Grind is comparable to a car.

It starts up in the morning (hopefully), It drives all day, and then it rests at night.

Sometimes you wake up and become aware of The Grind. Thoughts of “I need a break” or “Only six months until vacation” start overlapping. You keep searching for breaks, without actually stopping and enjoying the in-between breaks that life has to offer.

The in-between is that place in time where your conscious is begging for a distraction. Instead of soaking up the sun, watching the trees dance, or giving an ole’ lady a hug, you are constantly wondering,

“What do I gotta do next?”.

You grow easily impatient, or irritated over minor inconveniences. Your thoughts gradually become echoes of your own silence, the puzzle pieces and colors of the grand mosaic of life begin to blur and lack depth, and yet somehow, it’s kind of romantic that you always seem to find yourself entangled in this thought pattern.

Then, before you know it, the Sky comes falling down and smacks you in your head, while simultaneously yelling: “Wake up!”.

Give yourself time to pause and savor a cup of coffee before rushing to work, go to that movie with your mom, anything that can bring you joy, and pull you away from The Grind.

You may end up asking yourself, "Is there a point to all of this?"

Learning to favor the in-between zone will separate you from The Grind, before it’s too late.

This means:

Don’t. Forget. To stop. And smell. The damn roses.

One of my Human experiences was spent, not literally, as a bug stuck in a spiderweb. I found myself incessantly jumping from one web to the next, until I wound up.. Trapped.

The life I let slip past me, was wasted, I was a bug that was trapped, and waiting to be eaten. I became so invested in The Grind, that I neglected to enjoy the in-between zones that were offered to me.

By the time the Ocean of Life came and swept me up in her last wave, I realized that it was too late to wake up and smell the coffee. I ended up just losing myself in The Grind, up until my very last tick of the ole’ clock.

I wound up trapped in the unforgiving hold of the spiderweb, and too proud that not even the biggest spider could take me down.

How ironic.

--

Welcome to your final Human Experience. This experience is purely to help you wrap up all of the Karma that was left unresolved in your past lives. Afterwards, You will be able to transcend into a blissful state of serenity.

Becoming a physical being is so soulfully wrenching.

As you’ve probably already learned from your last trials.

It becomes restricting while your soul is transforming, so just try to relax into it, it’ll all be over within a snap of the Human fingers.

I’ll be on the other side, waiting for you, while sending signs of guidance, and reminders of love.

Try to remember who you are, and enjoy the Human Experience.

A friend once told me,

“If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain first.”

A rainbow without colors would be called a plainbow, so enjoy each time you get the pleasure of being in the presence of one.

Try your best to not get wrapped into the binary of politics, selfishness, or the closed mindedness of the human structure.

And dammit, stop to smell the roses.

They will only ever smell that original, in that very moment.

It’s well worth the stop, I mean, as long as you don’t have any allergies.

I'll see you on the other side, Bud.

--

And with that, I was unceremoniously pushed from a powerful whirlpool of colors and sense of belonging, that instantaneously turned into a falling sensation so deeply rooted within me, it almost felt.. Natural. I felt my sense of self shatter, and then completely dissipate; a breadcrumb trail of my essence, left behind in the garden of stars that illuminated earth.

The harsh cold of my new reality settled in, and the words, 'It's a boy!', echoed throughout my soul.

Time became relevant, and everything became nothing, and nothing became everything, all at the same time.

"Yeah, sure, I'll see you on the other side.", was my last creeping thought, before I became one with The Grind of life. A darkness overtook me, all of the memories of my existence abandoned me, and emotion overwhelmed me.

All I could do was give into the induction of nothingness.

--

Liam Rockwell led a very fulfilling life, full of love and truly gratifying encounters. His life started off rough, with pugnacious family members that helped build his character. Alcoholism fueled his childhood memories, his father left when he was only eight-years-old, and took everything with him.. Except for Liam.

Just enough time for him to leave his impression on the couch, and then vacate, as if not a single person was holding him there.

When Liam was thirteen, he came to his own conclusions about religion and life. He felt as if none of the world had meaning, that we all just came to fruition, so that we could breed, and then die.

“A random mistake.”, he would say in reference to the Human species.

Into the next few years, he experienced many trial-and-errors that would affect him for the rest of his life.

As a teenager, does anyone truly know that the choices that they make then, would pitch a tent and live on top of their shoulders for the rest of their lives? The choices everyone makes, everyday, lead to a sequence of an everlasting chain of events, that will always impact themselves, and everyone, now and forever.

When he was 21, his mother had passed, and regardless of all of the efforts he was making to step up to the plate, he still felt.. Useless.

He started working at a grain mill, to support his barely teenaged brother and sister.

He began to understand all of what his Mother had to do on her own, to support him and his younger counterparts. He worked vigorously to keep the house functioning (that his mother worked so hard to pay off, but never could).

However, deep down, it was a struggle for him to find balance in all of the responsibilities he had inherited.

Nonetheless, he always found a way.

He still felt useless compared to her, guilty even, that he could never hold a candle to his mom. He eventually found himself going down a dark rabbithole. Where he would look up at the sky, and ponder out loud:

“Why me?!”

or

“What’s the point?!”

He participated in his own self destruction, he never saw the bottom of his bottle, he stopped living with a purpose, and started doing the bare minimum to maintain the house.

Finding solace in anything that would bring him a temporary escape.

Then, finally, at twenty-five, the sky finally fell, and smacked him in the head.

--

Living in the Midwest part of the United States is so grueling. The cost of living is higher than the barely survivable wages that we’re given, the air tastes like the mills that people spend their lives sweating in, and the most fun thing to do is; Get lost in a corn field, and wake up with a rifle to your head.

Life never seems to end for the wicked.

From what I can recall, my hand had gotten stuck in the grain conveyor at work. When I was trying to unclog it, some dumbass turned the machine on, and then, bravo, I woke up in the ER, left with my useless hand. Why am I even still alive, why couldn’t I just die alr-

“Hi, I’m Lucretia, I’m your Nurse today.”

Another Nurse to interrupt my self hatred, fan-fucking-tastic.

“I'm Left-Handed-Liam.. Apparently.” I said smugly.

Just another day in my life.

“I’m Right-Handed-Lulu,” She lifted up her left arm and waved.

She had no hand.

“it’s good to keep a sense of humor, it almost keeps you sane.”

She walked over to my bed.

“I heard about what happened, and I just knew there was a reason I had to come in today. I lost my hand when I was younger, too. Hang on..”

She wrapped a blood pressure cuff around my arm.

She smelled like roses, and had a calming mystique about her. It helped me to.. Relax.. Just a little.

“So, I had just finished learning how to write, and then it was taken from me just as fast. I had to relearn everything, I was called names by the other kids. Those kids, come to the hospital and see me now. Kind of like a Karmic Circle.” She said almost smirkingly.

I couldn’t help but stare at her, I felt an instant sense of tenderness when she walked in, and an endless supply of vigilant warmth seemed to trail with her.

She reminded me of my mom. So warm in a cold room, and so bright in the dark ones.

“You remind me of my mom.” I blurted out.

I didn't mean to say that.

I felt my face get hot, and knew my cheeks were ‘as red as a Cardinal’, as my mom used to say.

She sat in the chair next to me, and pulled out a small, black notebook from her endless pockets.

“I’ve heard that before, don’t worry. I'll take it as a compliment,” She said, while maintaining piercing eye contact.

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence I ended up here with you. I always buy notebooks, even though I don’t need them,” Her finger started tracing the outer edge of the book’s binding. “I bought this little, black notebook yesterday, because something told me that I needed it. When I lost my hand, my dad gave me his little, black notebook, and told me to:

‘learn now, or die tryin’.”

Her eyes were tethered to mine, not giving any resistance. I haven’t been this present in the moment for so long. I almost forgot about Human connection, until now. I have been so caught up in self-pity, I didn’t even realize that I’ve been torturing myself.

“Even though it may not feel like it right now, everything happens for a reason,”

She stood up to leave.

“you have a story to write. Stop wallowing, and start writing, or die tryin’.”

I barely managed out a ‘Thank you’, before she disappeared into the fluorescent hallway.

But, she’s right, all of my choices, all of everything has led me up to this moment. Everything bad that has ever happened, everything good, my choices, my perspective, it’s all led me here.

I needed this to happen, to slow me down, to stop me before I got worse.

I had my mom, the kids didn’t.

They need me now, more than ever.

--

Liam had been working on being better for the kids, and catching up on bills, after being out of work for his Hand Hiatus. The bank was trying to take the home that his mom and him had worked so hard for. But, instead of fixating on the negative, he remained positive.

On his walk home from work one day, he stopped and smelled the roses.

Underneath the rosebush, was a winning lottery ticket for $20,000. He just knew in his soul, who had led him to this moment.

“Thank you so much, Mom.” He whispered to the sky.