A Friend In Need

My best friend and I met in our freshmen year of high school. For simplicity, lets call him Julian. It's been a mere 7 years since we first met. Julian was there when I felt I had no one. I was there when the world was against him. He was there when I no longer wanted to exist. I was there for his transformation from female to male. It was us against the world. Never have I ever had a friend like him.

We had issues. We would get into fights and wouldn't talk for weeks. Eventually, we would make up and push our relationship forward. People came and go but our friendship only became stronger.

There was a time when my stupidity got to the better of me and I left him. I left my best friend for a group of people who claim to be Disciples of Jesus Christ. I'll save this story for another time but what you need to understand is that they caught me at a low point of my life. They made me feel loved but as soon as they had me within their community, they forgotten about me. As if I was just a plot device to their personal gain. More Disciples means expansion on their belief. The point is that I left Julian because this group of people dragged me away from him using the idea of love, something I always searching for. Can't say that I'm not partially to blame. I let the thought of love get to me that I completely dismissed the one person who truly loved me. When I realized what was happening, I left this community and apologized to him. No, I begged for forgiveness. I knew my own foolery but I was willing to do anything to make up for it.

From there on were many ups and downs. Many stories that could become their own films with enough effort. But thats not the issue. The issue is what's happening right now.

Today is April 6, 2020. Most, if not all, of the world is in quarantine because of the COVID-19 outbreak. Julian is isolated. Won't leave the house because of the fear of making contact with the virus. Julian and I struggle with Depression, along with a couple more symptoms not related to the situation. Julian is having more of a difficult time with it at the moment. For the pass couple months, his depression was taking a toll on him. Ever since this outbreak, it's been getting worse. I'm afraid that I'm gonna wake up to a phone call from Julian's mother about his death. So... what do I do?

What can I do? Can I really help someone even though I can't help myself? I'm just a fuckup who hopes to find love in others. What should I do? I'm there for him but god I don't know what to say. I usually do but at this moment... I don't know.

All I can do is listen and hope for the best. It's us against the world. The only things that matters to me at this moment is Julians well-being. I just gotta listen. No matter how much it hurts.

The only person that listens is Julian but I can't tell him my problems. Can't add anymore weight for him to carry. This is why I'm here. Not asking for advice. Just want someone to listen.