A Fools Prayer

Dear God, it's nice talking to you again. I know, it's been a while since we sat down to have a conversation. As one-sided as it can be, I enjoy it... most of the time. Especially when I'm not cussing you out or challenging you to give me a break. Or when I guilt trip you for not giving me enough and putting me through such a predicament since day one. Jeez, it's really been a while huh? Hey, quick question, what type of drugs were You in when You made us?

I mean, we're given a fucking gorgeous planet that contains materials like wood that are even rarer than diamonds, and we fucking use them to make structures that deteriorate in less than a century. How much of an idiotic species could've you created? Anyways, we need a change of collective vision, we're going to talk about that later.

Today, I simply want to talk to You about things a son would tell his father. Like Kylie, the pretty girl I met at the gym. My You! You really enjoyed making her, didn't You? Her eyes, cold blue yet warm. A brunette with her hair loosely pulled in a messy bun that for some reason makes me go loco. Her delicate arms and her toned legs are the perfect sculpture for her young, innocent face. Oh, her nose. Bruh, her nose it's my ultimate fetish. Small, defined, perfect, just like her.

Did I talk to her?

Hell yeah, I did. I mean, heavens yeah, I did. I had to. I couldn't live with myself If I had let go of that opportunity, if I would've let the impulse caused by the rush of adrenaline pumping in my heart go dim and out into guilt, inadequacy, and a lot of self-bashing. I had to, you know me. When I like a woman I flirt with her, I tell her how beautiful she is, I tease her and invite her to sin, but as You and I know, most of them are for the sport, for the practice, for the heck of it. But this one was different. My instincts clanked in like gears that hadn't been used in a while. I couldn't understand what I felt, but I knew what to do.

I walked up to her once I was done with my workout. I waved my hand on my ear like a dog scratching his. She takes her headphones off. It works every time. I know You already know what happened, but let me tell You the whole thing, I want to relive the moment.

I look her straight in the eye, "can I ask you something real quick?" I start, "why are you so damn beautiful?" I continue without her consent. She giggles. "I needed to tell you that, I couldn't take my eyes off you." She smiles with her eyes. A genuine smile, but You already know that. I extend my hand and ask for her name.

"Kylie," she says. She looks at my hand as if wondering if this was really happening, she offers it. I squeeze it gently, letting her know I'm strong enough to fight an army for her and gentle enough to care for such beauty.

"Nice to meet you, Kylie." I smile, look at the clock, and excuse myself without telling her my name. I back up slowly without breaking eye contact with her, she does a quick scan of my whole five feet five inches of physical being. I make circles around my eyes and manage to imply a message. "your eyes make me loco." I turn slowly and before breaking eye contact, I wink at her. I walk away without even looking back.

Now, I know how delusional all this can be, but hear me out. I left that gym with my heart pumping joy. Yes, I've felt like that before, but it usually fades as the days go by. This one didn't. And I doubt this feeling will go away for another week. Yes, You're smiling because You know what happened today, but humor me.

I do my workout and move from station to station, from machine to machine. I'm immersed in my workout then instincts kicked in. As soon as I saw her, my heart felt refreshed. Anew. Revitalized. Her femininity magnetized my masculinity. I smile to myself. I played it cool and continued my workout, but this time a bit more motivated than before. I keep getting up my station just to keep an eye on her. She's still there. Alright, I do my next set, get up, and see her strolling right in front of me. She's looking at me and then lowers her gaze as she realizes I caught her staring. I smile and tell myself to keep it cool. I observe her for a second.

You've got to understand, at this moment I don't know if she's got a boyfriend, a husband, or whatever they call it nowadays. So yes, I spy on her a bit and wait for my move. I see her going towards a machine where a dude was doing dips. She starts talking to him. The scene is eerie. Not because I felt jealous or heartbroken, my heart didn't even sink, but because they look so uncomfortable standing in front of each other. She didn't have that twinkle in her eyes girls usually have when they're into their man. The guy seemed cold and distant... maybe he didn't appreciate her.

Me, as a man who has dealt with serious abandonment issues, made the decision to accept it and let her go. Then my sinful side kicks in. "Fuck it. I got to know. I got to ask her directly. If it comes to it, we'll fight the dude. We might lose the fight, but not the opportunity to get this doubt out of my head." I tell myself. I get up, she's not where she was working out a few minutes ago. I scan the entire gym. I don't see her.

"Well, damn," I mutter under my breath. I sigh and make my way to the restroom. I cut through the middle of the gym to avoid a couple of tomboys I didn't want to talk to anymore. I'm sorry, but they brought nothing interesting to the table. As I cut through, my heart skips a beat. There she is, working out her beautiful gluts on a machine I'm sure was designed by a man for women. She lays on her stomach, she doesn't see me walking by.

Good, I think to myself. what? Both, her ass and the chance I got, but I can't call her attention so awkwardly, so I continue with plan A and go to the restroom to empty the tank and rehearse what I was going to tell her. I look myself in the mirror with sternness. "You've got this." I pump myself into the mood.

I walk out and spot her possible boyfriend. He's leaning on a pillar. At this point, I'm done with my workout. I don't need to do anything else, but I go directly towards the machine right in front of her. A machine made for outer thigh and inner thigh, basically a machine for women, but I don't give a fuck. I'm on a mission. I sit down with my back towards her. This is a risky move, I know, but wait for it. I continue working out without looking at her, but I can feel her looking at me every time I get up to work on my calves. Very. Risky. Move.

I'm on my "last set" I sit down and out of the corner of my eyes I see her sitting down on the machine next to me. I continued without paying her any attention, I get up, I catch her turning her head to meet my eyes, but I kept my eyes forth. Hardest thing to do when you really like a girl, but there's a purpose behind it. As I turn, one of the tomboys walks by and makes eye contact with me. I brush her off and she does the same. Good. The feeling is mutual.

I sit down again for a "bonus" set, finish it, get up and brush my ear in front of Kylie. She takes her headphones off. She looks at me directly in the eye.

"I got to ask." I go straight to the point. NOT A GOOD STRATEGY TO GET A GIRL. But I did it anyway. "Is that your boyfriend? the guy you were talking to?" She shakes her head, hesitates, and looks for the answer. "you're just in the talking stage?" I suggest.

"yes," she shakes her hand as if shaking salt on food. I took it as it's complicated.

"Kaily, right?" I honestly thought that was her name.

"Kylie," she corrects me. "what's your name?" She asks, "you didn't tell me last time."

"Jose," I extend my hand, "Nice to meet you again." I grab hers into both of mine. She giggles. "what are you doing after this?" I ask. And we lived happily ever after. Don't laugh You bastard, You know what happened. I mean, Dude, you could've kept my dad around at least a few years, or long enough for me to learn how to get a girl less painfully than I've had before. Anyways.

"You're the money girl." I make it rain. She laughs at the joke about her field of study: Finances. She tells me she's attending UTD after the gym and right here, I choked.

"uuuh," I started. UUUUUH? UUUUH? that's a death sentence in a world of smoothness. "I don't have my phone..." oh the agony. "but can I get your number, If that's okay with your boyfriend?" I mock the gesture she made about them just talking. She stares at me a bit blankly and perhaps confused. Is she disappointed? I would. If I could go back in time I'd just snatch her away from myself and knock myself out for being such an idiot.

"Uhh, I'll think about it." she replies.

"Uhh, you'll think about it?" I nod, look at the clock, then back at her, and wave goodbye. A total dick, I know, but the other alternative is the friendzone and there's no escaping in that hell.

Hey, don't laugh! It's painful, I really liked her. She's so damn beautiful. Haha, You think she'll think about it? haha, I know, let's just move on. What an idiot. The many things I could've done right. Offer to take her to UTD, an instant date, work out with her. I don't know, anything but, "uh, I don't have my phone with me, can I have your number?" what a moron!

Well, it was nice talking to You. Yeah, no, I just wanted to talk to you about her. No, I'm not going to ask You to give her to me, I'll get her myself. But if You want to help, just keep putting us in the right place. I mean, I'm lucky she's sweet, but she's a girl. Non-smoothness is unacceptable. It'll take a miracle for us to end up together. Man, why am I smoother with married women? R***a was married, and she was a queen in bed. S****a is married and loh oh loh, is she gorgeous.

Welp, Old Man, this is the end of the conversation. We'll talk about world issues and how we can fix this planet for the better later, today I needed to take that out of my chest. Amen.