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A Favorite Sweater

My Symbol of Moving On

By Raven BiancoPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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I found my favorite and most treasured sweater in a flea market in Florence. It began as the typical hunt for the "perfect" article of clothing—the fit, the look, material: everything. It was hanging up in one of the nicer stands, alone and high enough for me to see it from afar. Rushing over there, I asked the man to get it down for me. In the attempts to look casual and indifferent I asked the price. 30 euro. Scoffing with an eye-roll, I made a feeble effort to barter it down; all the while in my head I knew full well I would pay whatever price for this long-sought sweater. I'm going to make the safe assumption that the vendor saw straight through my pretend indifference. Needless to say, I paid the 30 euros and have never once regretted it.

Why does this random blurb of a memory pop in my head? Well, because I'm sitting at work in the office right now... bored with nothing but dull data entry to be done, admiring the way my sweater falls on my arm. My sporadic thoughts are interrupted—as they always are when I'm in the office—with the incessant dread of... well, my ex coming into the office. I work with my ex and it's honestly, quite awful. It's a long story as to how this all happened and I promise, dear reader, there is a sufficient reason as to why I stayed working there. Our breakup was a tough one: very messy and heartbreaking. We had dated for almost 2 years and had even talked of marriage. But here I am, over a year since we broke up and I see him too often and too regularly. When I'm being cynical and pessimistic, I think about quitting and how horrible this all is; but when I'm being optimistic, I see the wonderful opportunity I have here. I think being stuck in this situation has forced me to move on. I've had to come to terms and be able to forgive. I've been able to see that he is not the type of person I want to be with. It's easy to romanticize the past and to struggle with regret, but when you're faced with the person you can find the balance in stark reality. I didn't have to deal with looking back and wondering "What if?" I was able to see him, me and us as what it truly was.

Although there are many good things that have come from this, there have also been many trials and obstacles. I think most people grapple with emotions of anger and harbored resentment after a bad relationship. Right now I find myself having mostly forgiven him and myself. But everyday I grow more and more grateful that I am not with him anymore. It's funny how a toxic relationship changes you, it's like I wasn't who I should be when I was with him. As time as healed the wounds and I've moved on, I've slowly begun to recognize myself again.

So as I sit at my desk and look upon my lovely sweater, I look at it as more than just a lucky find. I look at it as something I never wore when I was with him. I'm a different person now than who I was with him. And the person I am now is the only one who wore this sweater. He never got to hold me or admire in this. It's completely and utterly all mine. And it makes my sweater all the more my favorite.

breakups
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About the Creator

Raven Bianco

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