A Best Friend

In the hierarchy of relationships, friendships are at the bottom. Romantic partners, parents, children—all these come first. This is true in life, and in science, where relationship research tends to focus on couples and families.

When I decided to start writing some stories it was because my best friend (N- what we will be calling her). She told me about this website and suggested I share different life lessons and experiences I’ve encountered. I wasn’t sure if that was the route I wanted to go with when I decided to start sharing stories. At first, I went the direction of fiction then realized my fiction isn’t as great as my reality. So with all that being said, this first story is about a best friend of mine.

To get an idea of how we got here today, you would have to know a little of our history. We first met when I was back in high school, within a group of friends when I was dating my first (awful) boyfriend. Now it is somewhat important to note, I never went to the local public school for the city I reside in. Instead I had attended a private school, which definitely had me lack that “city community” bond that most people who attended the local public schools had. It also didn’t allow for anyone I met to have an idea of who I was and I didn’t have an idea of who they were. They only knew me from who brought me around (that boyfriend). It also wasn’t my most rewarding time in life meaning I was making not so great choices. I let the intentions of my at the time boyfriend to be my life intentions, even though I had a whole list actually more like a whole book, of goals and aspirations I wanted to achieve. So to not bore everyone with the details of the breakup and trust me there are details of that breakup that will have to be saved for another post. But I finally ended that relationship and was becoming my own again, as great as I felt I was lonely. Lonely of friends, a friend, a best friend, an acquaintance.

Now fast forward about 3 years post that breakup and again in a situation within the same group of friends is when A and my friendship really began. I knew her impression of me was not a great one, and probably one that had her thinking to stay cordial with me but not actually let me in. For myself, I wasn’t intending on anything to happen except to re meet some people.

Fast forward, a few months later and I’m at the local Kroger when I see N in the checkout line. She was frustrated with the self-scan machine (don’t we all get that way at times) but it wasn’t until I heard the machine repeat her items to bag, that I realized she was buying exactly the same items I had in my cart! Like what were the odds of that?!! We glanced at each other and started laughing and the rest was history.

I can’t even recall where I was trying to go with this story line except for wanting to introduce the world, (well whoever reads this), to my best friend. I guess I was using this opportunity to share how amazing and rewarding a true friendship can be, while also explaining how it has affected me.

For myself, when I felt like I had nothing, she was there for me. She showed me the light when I was in darkness, while also giving me a lifelong friendship when I had no intention of finding one. When I look at the brighter side of my life, she has contributed so much to it. Friendships are not always regular and not cheap to find. Not in terms of money, but in investing your time and energy towards someone. Looking back at all the times and things we have gone through together; both of us are growing and continue to grow into the amazing women we were meant to become. Whenever I may forget how much progress I’ve made, I remind myself of a conversation N and I had. She told me that she thought, my mom would be extremely proud of me (its for another story as to why) but she told me exactly what parts of my life I have been showing substantial growth in. She reminded me that I was moving forward and not backwards.

Overall, a best friend is like a rare gem. A gem that was custom made just for you. Everyone is more than the sum of their parts, and defend what you need by being open-minded. Look for people who will help you take off your armor; people who do not encourage your weaknesses, or your tendency to protect yourself. You don’t owe anyone the act of remaining tethered to an old version of yourself. If your friendships want to survive, they’ll have to also evolve.