5 Years

Everyone says that love is blind and that once you enter a relationship then you enter the honeymoon phase which doesn't last long! It took me five years to figure that out. Five long drawn out years to figure out I deserve better, I deserve to be happy!

Let's start from the begging when everything was alright, you made me smile in ways that no one else did. You made me laugh and wanted to protect me from anything that could hurt me. You were my prince charming and to me you were perfect and worth it all. You believed in me and I in you. Something happened though, you fell out of love with me and it was like I couldn't do anything right or please you in any way. What happened? What did I do to make you hate me so much? What can I change about myself to make you love me again.

You see these are the thoughts that ran through my head daily. You never cared though, instead you would mentally abuse me daily as well as hit me daily. I was so scared of you but yet I never let you know, I couldn't let you know just how scared of you I was! I would wear long sleeves and pants at all times to cover up the bruises that you would leave me. I had people thinking I was crazy for wearing a sweater in 80 degree weather but at least no one knew my little secret. Correction our secret!

As the years went on it got much much worst and things were looking dark. I developed anxiety and depression! Even then I stayed!!! You began cheating on me and sleeping with other woman and at first I would yell at them and tell them you had a girlfriend then yell at you and cry. This wasn't the first time and it definitely wasn't the last time. It became a weekly thing, I got used to the girls messaging me to tell me they slept with you. I stopped getting mad at them and started to hate you!

Yet again I decided to stay because I loved you and it had already been 5 years I can't just up and leave now, not to mention that you wouldn't let me leave. Trust me I tried! One day I told you it was over but you had other plans, you threw me against the wall and choked me and said "it's over when I say it's over, your not going anywhere" or how about the time you said " remember I know where your parents live, I can go there and bomb the house and attach bombs to their cars and blow them up". I decided to stay because of those words. I was too scared to try and leave.

But one day that all changed, I had the chance to leave and never look back. Our landlord evicted us and you went back home to your mother and I went back home to my parents. I tried to stay with you even through the transition, but every time I would go visit you; you would tell me I changed and not in a good way. I wasn't the girl you fell in love with and you would call me names. The hurt was unbearable but I still stayed because I remembered the night you choked me and what you said.

Then once again you cheated on me and got a 17 year old girl pregnant while you were 21 and even then I STAYED!!!! I know just how crazy that is but I figured we could work through all of this until I realized just how crazy your baby mamma was.

I decided the heck with this relationship and finally broke up with you through text. I couldn't do it in person as I feared what you might do to me. This time you had no pull, I no longer lived with you and you couldn't control me anymore. I was free!! Free from all the abuse, free from all the hate.

Although I left you I can never forget you! I so badly want to forget you! But I can't, you see you left me with emotional scars, now if a man raises his hand up too fast I flinch waiting for the blow but it never comes. I also find it extremely hard to trust any guy ever again. You left me broken and damaged. Now I have to pick up the pieces and learn how to love myself all over again. I got this, I can do this, just breath and take it day by day.