5 Ways to Make Your Relationship Better

Whether you've been with someone for a while, are currently living with a partner, or part of a long-married couple, you may be looking for ways to improve your relationship.

Unlike love stories and romantic comedies, where everything is resolved after a struggle or two, maintaining thriving relationships takes some effort. But it doesn't have to be difficult.

With day-to-day responsibility and strained nerves, dealing with partner issues is understandably at the bottom of your list. Fulfilling all of life's obligations—work, children, family, friends, neighbors, and your home—is stressful, and many of us are tired.

You are exhausted. Its internal resources and energy are dangerously low. Often hurt and defeated, they come to counseling desperate pleas for guidance and advice.

Your eyes ask the question: Should we learn to mend a broken relationship and try to create a better one, spend time with each other re-framing, or just give up?

1. Pay attention to what your partner says.

When one partner speaks, whatever his tone of voice, the other partner watches and listens. Even when there is disagreement, it is clear that what the other says still matters. Listen carefully to your partner's feelings.

Partners may have a history of interrupting, persuading, dismissing, or downplaying risks, but they will stop doing so when I tell them to and focus their attention on what the other is saying. If you ask one of them to repeat what the other partner said, he is really trying.

2. Show interest and compassion for each other.

Couples who have lost each other's trust and support, whether recently or for a long time, may still be anxious about expressing true love. If they can't use soothing words or gestures, especially if they are being blamed at the moment, use their body language or facial expressions to show their partner's plight.

3. Remember the times that make you laugh.

There have been times when I've been with a desperate couple and the animosity between them seems to have taken over the relationship. They argue about the way they argue. They are unable to find anything in the other that is worth listening to. They interrupt, weaken, and shout at each other. I feel like a referee in a passionate professional boxing match.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, one of them relates to an experience they shared in the past or something that happened between them and they both start laughing. The tension went away instantly, even for a moment, and they both looked at each other as if they were just good friends who hated each other.

4. calm conflicts.

Every couple knows how far away it is. Unfortunately, this basic knowledge does not always prevent them from getting too close to that cliff, and many relationships end because of this desecration.

The glimmer of hope for de-escalation comes when I see a couple realize they are too close to saying or doing something the other can't get around.

Seemingly out of nowhere, and certainly out of character, one or both of them will either cut off interaction or move them to a more nurturing location. They share a general knowledge that certain words or ways of life can hurt so much that they can never be healed, or that some past actions go too deep.

5. Don't mention problems from the past.

It is normal for most people to use the past or others to give more weight to what they consider valid in the present. This is especially true if one of the partners feels that they are losing the argument and reinforcing it with previous examples or affirmations from other significant people will increase its effectiveness.

Couples who communicate well stick to one topic at a time and talk about what they need from each other in the present. They do not try to convince the other, at the expense of the other, of a position that will satisfy them.