5 Things That Almost Quit The Star Wars Universe

Consider the possibility that George Lucas did not sell the Star Wars franchise to Disney in 2012. What would the Star Wars series look like if The Force Awakens, Rogue One, and the avalanche of other Star Wars movies weren't shoved down our throats? What might the current Star Wars fan experience be like?

Would you suppose it could be much worse? Most likely, yeah. That sounds really credible. Let's take a look:

Detours Would Have Reached New Heights Of Self-Mockery

Over the years, there have been numerous ludicrous Star Wars parodies, ranging from Saturday Night Live routines to Spaceballs to the time Donny and Marie fought disco-dancing stormtroopers with the force of the song.

In 2012, Lucas announced a new Star Wars TV show called Star Wars: Detours, months before the sale to Disney. Not satisfied with having some of the characters in Star Wars be absurd CG caricatures, Lucas engaged Robot Chicken's Seth Green to compress his epic narrative into a series of comedic cartoons. If you want a concept, consider "stormtroopers whining about the Death Star's shortage of bathrooms."

Heh?

Is it still too cerebral for you? That takes us right to the dark side, Obi-Wan.

The program was supposed to feature a Seinfeld-style structure, with all the characters hanging out in Dex's Diner, which you might remember from Attack Of The Clones as the bizarrely inappropriate '50s-themed eatery. Just consider that for a moment.

However, Detours was canceled after Disney purchased the series, despite the fact that 39 episodes had already been completed. This is a common misunderstanding. It's enough to make you question why Lucas didn't mind lowering the franchise's value.

Star Wars: Underworld Was Supposed To Be A Mobsters'

Star Wars: Underworld was announced in 2005 as a live-action series about an organized crime set on Coruscant—which, if you don't recall, is the most crowded and urine-soaked of all the Star Wars worlds.

It sounds like something out of The Sopranos, except with a bunch of rubber-masked sleep groups in place of all the outstanding character actors. Inspired by cinema noir, its producer dubbed it "The Empire Strikes Back on steroids." And if that seems "cliche-ridden," it appears they have actual writers on hand to smooth things over.

The drama will follow original characters from feuding mob families, but more recognizable characters, including some with important cameos, will also appear. According to the writer, Palpatine himself would appear, albeit as a more "sympathetic figure" who was "wronged by this fucking heartless woman."

Despite the fact that the crew produced 50 hours of screenplays, the project was eventually canceled. Why? Lucas instructed his authors not to worry about budgetary worries, which inevitably resulted in the creation of 50 hours of scripts with major budgetary concerns.

Now that the scripts are in Disney's hands, it is likely that, given the potential production expenses and their other ongoing ambitions, the backdoor deals of Coruscant will have to be confined to Star Wars Monopoly games.

An iPhone Game Similar to FarmVille

The concept of a video game that forces you to buy fictional crap with real money sounds like something George Lucas would have patented himself back in the '80s. It wasn't him, though! And, to this day, Star Wars doesn't have a FarmVille copycat in its merchandise lineup.

However, it came close. At one point, LucasArts – the empire's game development department that came packed with Disney purchases like those two-pack DVDs – was working on Star Wars Outpost, a FarmVille-style game that would allow gamers to live out all of their moisture farming fantasies.

Leaked artwork also appeared to show that you could play on Naboo, with the game likely calculating land values based on your closeness to racist caricatures from the past.

This canal runs into the planet's core and adds +2 to trade.

In fact, the game would allow you to irritate your social network friends with invites, challenges, and requests.

More intriguingly, the game would allow players to support either the Empire or the Rebels, as well as "betray one another for resources." The game was canceled before the planet devolved into a series of fistfights over stolen moisture evaporators. However, LucasArts canceled it before the sale, demonstrating an uncharacteristic unwillingness to tax fans' goodwill, joy, and enthusiasm. But it doesn't seem like the kind of thing Disney is likely to bring back if you were hoping to send them several dollars an hour for whatever reason.

When Disney canceled the Star Wars comics, they were just getting started.

Since some man at Marvel thought that what the franchise really needed was a huge green bunny rabbit mascot, Star Wars has had a rocky relationship with comics.

However, that is a bit of cherry-picking. There have been numerous Star Wars comics with noteworthy high points. But those aren't much fun, so let's pick and choose. First, let us focus your attention on the plot that took place in the far future.

Consider the Tales, which recount non-canonical scenarios like Indiana Jones discovering Han Solo's decaying corpse.

Later in life, he'd learn that he was the biological father of both Jack Ryan and Dr. Richard Kimble.

Then there's the one when Jar Jar Binks' father shoots himself in the head.

Disney acquired Star Wars, Disney didn't give a damn about destroying the franchise.

Looking at how Disney handled Star Wars previously is probably the most dramatic demonstration of how Disney's purchase will impact the Star Wars universe. You won't be surprised that Disneyland will soon have a fully Star Wars-themed portion of the park.

However, this is not the first time Star Wars has been in their parks. First came the Star Tours ride, which wasn't bad. Hyperspace Hoopla, on the other hand, is a different story.Hyperspace Hoopla was part of Disney's Star Wars Weekends at Disney's Hollywood Studios and featured iconic Star Wars characters competing in dance-offs atop a platform erected on the graves of all of our childhoods. How else can both Darth Vader and Boba Fett be seen performing Michael Jackson routines?

Despite being an atrocity the world had never seen before, the event proved wildly popular and was soon relocated from its inaugural location atop a modest platform to a stadium-sized arena. It also appears to have become far more sexual, as proven by this video of Slave Leia dancing provocatively with her scantily dressed mother: "Man, this isn't a theme park attraction, this is pornographic slash fiction." And speaking of Slash, that's Chewie dressed as Axl Rose and an Ewok dressed as Slash, since our society can't help but vomit itself these days.

The point here is that Disney genuinely owned these characters and had a vested stake in the franchise's purity; they shut everything down because it was horrible and foolish.