5 Reasons Why You Should Never Bring up Your Past in a New Relationship

Relationships happen. Two people meet, they take a liking to one another, they date for a while, and then at some point they may choose to become exclusive. Over time this relationship may flourish and then becomes serious. Sometimes, after a while, it might even have the tendency to become stagnant if the couples do not keep the passion going strong. That's when both parties now have to put in work to keep it from falling apart. In the end of it all, not every relationship evolves into a marriage, result in bringing children into the world and bloom a new set of family that will continue on for the next generation and beyond. Some unfortunately end due to the differences in both individuals and the karmic experiences that they endured with one another. Now once a breakup occurs, no matter how rough or how smooth it was, it’s important to understand that all aspects of that relationship need to remain in the past where they should be locked away and never to be accessed again. However, sometimes people get hurt so bad, and have gone through some extremely negative experiences that it becomes very difficult to let go of the pain and even the relationship itself. It is never a good idea, to start a new relationship while carrying over the negativity and the damages from the old one. Once the foundation has been destroyed, the only thing that is left to do is to rebuild. Thus I’m going to go over 5 good reasons why your new boyfriend or girlfriend should not know so much details about how crazy things were, how messed up your old partner treated you or how you even dodged a bullet in your last relationship.

#1. Closure is the number one reason why old relationships should remain in the past and never to be resurfaced into the present. You should never try to start a new chapter without finishing and turning the page on the previous chapter. Having closure is important as it allows us to come into terms with the reality that we tried to create something special and fail, and that it's okay because relationships are learning experiences. It is through them we are able to grow and become wiser when making better decisions in the future.

#2. Another reason why the new man or girlfriend should not know about the last guy or girl is to prevent them from judging the ex without actually knowing the full story. Now why is it important for your new partner to not judge your ex? In some situations, especially if children are involved, when someone new comes in the picture, the last thing we want is for them to start judging the father or the mother of the child simply by hearing one side of the story. Once a reservation is made about the ex, the new boyfriend or girlfriend will automatically resent him or her, therefore increasing the probability of them disliking the person without knowing the person for who they truly are. Also by talking about how bad the last person treated you, a target has been put on your ex’s back without them knowing about it and then the ego of the newcomer is on the rise. All of a sudden, the new relationship has become a battleground to see who’s the better man or woman. When children are involved, this situation can be very toxic, and carry massive consequences that can affect their childhood. Take an adult approach by setting boundaries and let it be known to everyone what the adult roles are in the relationship. Respect between adults is necessary to prevent fighting and drama. They say respect is earned and not given, however, when respect is given without expectation but is not returned, it creates hostility and frustration between individuals. If children are not involved, and you two choose to remain friends, a battle for who is the better man or woman can destroy the friendship. Just because a relationship ended between two people does not mean they cannot become soul friends and still help each other grow in life.

#3. Now whether children are present or not, sometimes we go through karmic relationships. As I mentioned earlier, relationships are great ways to learn and evolve ourselves regardless if they had positive or negative impacts on our lives. However, when we have experienced pain in such a huge magnitude, we have a hard time to forgive and let go. Not forgive and forget like people always say because some memories are just too painful to forget about. When you are ready to move forward with someone new, keep in mind not to bring up the past as this can indicate to the new person that you may still be holding on to it, unable to move forward with them. No one likes dealing with baggage, so when you keep talking about how bad the past was, it can come across as you may be carrying baggage from the last relationship as well as damages that can become a problem for the new partner. We see know that some people can develop trust issues and some cases they may even develop some form of PTSD depending on how much stress and pain they’ve experienced. As a result, the new guy or girl now has to deal with issues they had nothing to do with nor cause which can seemed to be unfair to them. This can create so much frustration eventually leading to the relationship’s demise. If you have emotional baggage from a relationship, know that you need to be healed before opening yourself up to receive and give love back to someone.

#4. We can learn a lot from our past experiences, and while those experiences cannot inflict the same level of hurt as they used to, that does not mean the information regarding those experiences cannot be used against us. The goal of moving on is to leave the past behind along with all the bad memories that are associated with it. Every time we access the past, we open ourselves to experience those painful moments all over again thus re-opening those old wounds and not allowing them to heal completely. Sometime it’s best if we do not release certain information to our new partner. Someone can easily throw a certain situation at us during an argument, even if they did not mean to do this intentionally to hurt us, but having to remember that time or that hurtful event can have a negative impact on we feel in the present moment. To avoid this, we simply do not speak about the negative experiences that we have not let go of.

#5. There are no better reasons to not bring up the past then the need to focus on new positive experiences, the future, and our growth with the person we feel was meant to be in our lives. All relationships come with their own pack of ups and downs. By focusing solely on the new relationship, we get to see it for what it really is, not have the tendency to compare it to the failed ones. No one wants to be compared to the last person as everyone is unique in their own way.

Letting go of the past is a sign of growth. It is an indication that one is ready to move on to bigger and better things. When a relationship has failed, only those individuals who were involved in it can learn from it. Anyone else doesn’t really need to know about what went wrong and who did what since they were never there to witness everything for themselves. If there are some information that you know can have a negative impact on your new partner and the new relationship, then it is your responsibility to inform him or her and give them the choice to decide what to do about it. While we shouldn’t keep things hidden from the new love in your life, it’s never a good thing to keep bringing up the bad moments from your past relationship, for they can affect your new relationship in ways you never see coming. Keep the bad memories locked in the past and focus on the new positive future ahead of you while living your best life in the present moment.