5 Key Ways to Survive A Breakup

Everyday, someone, somewhere, will go through a break up. It has become so common place that people can forget the staggering pain caused to ones in meaningful partnerships. We metaphorically sew our hearts, intertwine our lives - sometimes inextricably - and create an entire future with another. The truth is, no amount of italics can underscore the weight we put on the success of a relationship. When it fails though, how do we survive?

There may be some who feel that question is dramatic, or over the top. "Of course you'll survive," they chime. "Just get over them already." Are these words you've heard before? Sadly, many have. These people mean no harm; in fact, they may be among the fortunate few to have not experienced the pain of heartbreak. So when this happens, and our life suddenly feels as though it has been ripped apart irrevocably: What do we do? How do we cope? Below are five key ways to survive a break-up.

1: Process The Emotions.

This may seem like an obvious first step, but so many of us try to run from the pain. We can, well-intentionally, bury our emotions in an attempt to move on with normal life. We may even brand ourselves emotionally superior because we haven't shrivelled into a ball for weeks on end. But is this course of action wise? Far from it. Sadness is not our enemy, we don't need to hide from it. Is it pleasant? No - but it's important. We haven't just lost a romantic partner, but also a friend, maybe even a best friend. To pretend we're okay and shove those emotions down is a dishonour to that friend, and the memory of the time we spent with them. To truly recover from a break-up, we need time to just be sad, to really feel. Otherwise, the pain could linger for years, or maybe even an entire lifetime. Give yourself a period of time to grieve. You need it.

2: Talk About It.

We need to talk about how we feel. It really is as simple as that. When we express our emotions out loud to others, it validates to us that our feelings are real and acceptable. There is no shame in being sad, and we shouldn't try to pretend we're okay. Unless it was a deeply unpleasant relationship, we're most likely devastated. Trusting our friends and families to help us through this time will not only make the load we're carrying a little lighter, but it may even help develop stronger relationships with others.

3: Remember Who You Are

Sometimes after a relationship ends, we lose sight of who we are as an individual. So much of what we've done recently has been with another person, perhaps doing what they like or enjoy. It may even have meant we have neglected doing our own hobbies and interests. When we're down, the last thing we may want to do is leave the couch, but mustering whatever willpower we have to do something we genuinely enjoy can make a world of difference. This is a time where we can focus on ourselves. All that energy we've been putting into another person can now be directed to our own needs - and rightly so. We need to look after ourselves, we need, for our own mental and emotional well-being, to do things that make us happy. Start a project, go play a sport, read a book for the first time in years - anything to remind ourselves of who we are. Doing so builds a solid foundation for our own recovery.

4: Forgive Them (And Yourself)

It's true to say that break-ups can lead to a whole host of bitter feelings. We can label our exes cruel or heartless, or blame them entirely for the failure of the relationship; but let's be honest with ourselves: If our exes were cruel or heartless, we wouldn't have been with them in the first place. This is of course, generally speaking, sometimes we do date cruel and heartless people. The fact is: break-ups are hard. This is no excuse for poor behaviour, but we may need to consider trying to understand how our partner was feeling. The words that prompt a break-up are often not planned. They can be clumsy, awkward and often outright painful to hear. Nine times out of ten though, they don't mean to us. It's often this very sentiment that leads to so much resentment. The bottom line is this, though: Both parties will have made mistakes, contributed to tension, knowingly or not. To truly move on and recover from a break up, we need to forgive both ourselves and our partner for the things that were said and done. Resentment can fester indefinitely, don't suffer needlessly.

5: Don't Rebound (Seriously)

When we find ourselves suddenly not in a relationship, the idea of being single can feel bizarre, foreign even. In the vulnerable state we're in, we may even attract the attention of others, and it can be all too easy to date someone just because we like the reassurance their attention gives us. But we mustn't fall for that. We already feel miserable, let's not compound that feeling with added guilt by breaking someone else's heart. What we need to do is think rationally; to give ourselves a period of time to stay single for, a time in which our emotions can be fully felt and left to subside, and then - once we have a clear head - to allow ourselves to move on with someone new.

Breaking up with someone, or being broken up with, is a horrible experience - but it isn't the end. It also doesn't make the time we spent with them a waste. In every relationship, we learn something - whether about dating or ourselves. When the time comes for us to meet that truly special person, we'll be ready.