4 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before you Start Dating Again.

I stopped dating when I was 21 years old due to heartbreak and trauma I had not yet begun healing from. Of course, there were times I did think I was ready to jump back into the dating pool, but each time I tried, the relationships would end the exact same way every time.

There was this one guy I was interested in, and to me he was the most gorgeous man ever I laid eyes on. He was super tall, looked like Patrick Swayze, and could speak 3 languages (English, Russian, and French.) But it wasn’t only his looks that had me head over hills, but it was his kindness and sensitivity to the room and those around him.

He knew when I was sad, angry, or even excited about whatever.

I think what messed up my chance with him was actually me. I over thought everything and my insecurities always showed it’s ugly face every time.

I do have to say I miss him. But I’m also happy that nothing serious ever became of us. Because the chances it ending in sadness, yelling, and tears like the other past relationships was a huge percentage.

Now that I’m older and maybe at least 30% wiser. I can honestly say that taking the time to not only work on myself but actually get to know me and what makes me tick helps me when it comes down to the guys I consider letting into my life.

If you are where I was a few years ago, but really feel like you need a relationship right now, you may need to ask yourself these quality questions before you pursue anything.

Am I the best version of myself?

Like I was saying earlier, when I took the time to really do some soul searching, I became the person I’m supposed to be right now. I find that every year, I found out something new about myself that I wouldn’t have if I was in a relationship.

Because back three years ago I would only value the guy I was with and what I did for a living. There would be nothing else that was more important than making sure he still loved me.

This toxic way of thinking was honestly one sign I shouldn’t have been in a romantic relationship from the get-go because even if he was horrible to me, I would still be with him because I didn’t want to be alone.

Do I have time?

Sometimes you can want to be in a committed relationship, but not really have the time. around the second year of non-dating, I was too busy with work. After I had just left college, I started my freelance writing business.

My days were consumed with marketing and writing. I could have learned how to time manage, but I personally loved that my time was consumed with what I actually liked doing. I felt more productive and accomplished by the end of the night, and slept without worry.

Do I have codependent tendencies?

This is something I didn’t have to think too hard about. Looking back on all the relationships I’ve ever had, they all had some form of codependency.

My self- esteem was extremely low- I only felt love or validated when the person I was with said I was beautiful or worthy.

My boundaries could be easily bent- Feeling like the only way to make him stay if I gave in to his every whim even when I didn’t want to.

Yet, Feared Intimacy- When I say Intimacy, I mean the emotional kind that sustains the relationship. I was terrified that if he knew stuff about my past that wasn’t so squeaky clean, he would leave me.

Would I be okay if the relationship ends abruptly?

Relationships come and go and the ones that end don’t end so sweetly. Someone could be unfaithful, have toxic behaviors such as abuse and or addiction issues. If this person isn’t emotionally available anymore, are you okay with walking away from the relationship?

Because in these cases, many humans get stuck in these types of Joker and Harley Quinn relationships in fear of being alone. So they stay with the person that makes them feel unloved and less than.

But you have to love yourself enough to know that you deserve better. You don’t deserve to be treated like trash. You are more valuable than rubies but you have to treat yourself as such before you can expect anyone to treat you that way. Know your worth.

Stepping into a new relationship can be a new and exciting thing in anyone’s life. It can open you up to new things you never thought and even possibly long turn healthy connections that will last a long time. But before you allow someone to love you, make sure you are loved by you first.